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Tantriqu -> RE: Okay, yes i am really this stupid. (7/22/2008 10:14:59 AM)
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Depending on how you look at it, no one or everyone is 'normal', so stop using that word.
If you feel guilty about physical pleasure or your body, see a PhD psychologist, 'cuz ain't much gonna happen that's good until you can shut up that inner voice and change the way you feel about yourself, especially if it stems from sexual or physical abuse.
Less than 1/3 women can give themselves a manual orgasm, so DON'T FEEL GUILTY OR 'NOT NORMAL' if you can't. Less than half can get an orgasm through intercourse. 70% of woman can get an orgasm through oral sex.
But most women [but still not all] can orgasm with a toy! Everyone should have their favourite: mine is the Hitachi wand. Most woman can't orgasm with something they just insert; make sure you use something with a vibe function, and 'just' use it on the outside, and not just on the clitoris, and use a good lubricant, and lots of it.
Congratulations on being able to talk about sex with your partner. Keep it up!
Make sure you're honest with yourself and your partner. What makes you feel excited? And don't just fixate on the 'pink bits'! It's all positive feedback: the more excited you are, the more excited you get.
The way he looks at you? Talking dirty? Breathing hard? His mouth on your breast? His erection? The way your back arches? Imagine yourself as an exquisite expensive rocket ship, and you can't expect to fly to the Moon the first time you're in the cockpit.
Have him tell you what changes your body goes through as you get aroused: your scent, your taste, your heart rate, your sounds, your movement, then learn to watch for these as you masturbate. When you feel you want to 'crawl all over him', as a Canadian sexologist puts it, or when your hips tilt up, or you stop gasping to hold your breath, lick your lips and 'bear down', you're on your way.
Most men masturbate to pictures, most women masturbate to literature. Go to a good bookstore, wear a trenchcoat, ask them to take the plastic off, and read some women's erotica compilations. Listen to your body, and if you feel a 'waterfall' when you're reading something, no matter what it is, buy it, and bring it home for a 'one-hander', aka, book in one hand, vibe with lube on it in the other, and consider asking your partner for some kissing and breast massage while you fantasize about WHATEVER YOU WANT>
Good luck, and let us know in a month or two how you 'made out'.
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