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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: The move to 24/7 Now What? (7/24/2008 9:29:27 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
The time together from the 1st contact on line to the real time meeting to the planning stage of going 24/7 as Master/Sir and sub/slave has matured.
The cyber interactions are in the past, phone sex is also history. The real time meetings with her/him kneeling at their Master/Sir's Ma'am's feet is still fresh in the mind the pledge to please always still upon the "s"'s lips. Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?
CP
I've wanted to respond to this for a couple of days, but really wanted to think through what I was going to say... First, any time you get people together in a new group, there are going to be adjustment changes. When 'reality sets in', that's usually the first sign that you're living with a real -person- now, and not just an idea... and dealing with multiple minds sharing the same space... as well as different perceptions of the world (unavoidable -- we're each wired to perceive the world in the way that furthers our existence.. and no two existences are exactly alike).
How we -deal- with this inevitable "meeting of the minds" determines how long it takes for the 'bloom to wear off the rose'. If we acknowledge, up front, that there are going to be real challenges to bringing another person into our lives, and we are completely honest with ourselves about the challenges we're currently facing that the other person is going to have to, in some form, embrace, AND the other person has been completely honest with hirself about the challenges xhe is facing that -we- will have to, in some form, embrace, AND if we've discussed all of these challenges, then the only fading is going to come from the immensity of the burden -- heavy burdens, faster 'bloom fade'.
For most people, though, they tend to play a hand "close to their chests" when it comes to their personal challenges and issues. Even for folks who have -obvious- issues, there are still 'secret' things they don't bring up, because they're afraid it will be "too much". For every secret that we hide from our new companion, there is the possibility of a rapid and unpleasant period of "fade" -- sometimes so much that it kills the rose. This can happen in days, weeks, months -- however long it takes for those secrets to hit a critical point where the overbalance and topple the relationship.
The other relationship "killer" that we tend to play "close to the chest" is the issue of "expectations" -- all of us have unspoken expectations about what different relationships will look like and feel like. Often, these 'expectations' color the way we respond to things that happen. If we do not say "I expected you to do X, and instead you did Y. Can we discuss this?" ... and actually get those hidden expectations onto the table as they crop up, then over time, a sort of resentment sets in, as the person turns out to be "not what I expected'. This is one of the biggest destroyers of relationships around.
What is even more frightening, though, is that most people hide things from -themselves-... there are issues and problems and challenges that we pretend we don't know about, or which we actively avoid in order to not have to face our own complicity. Many times, these issues can be the difference between a rocky but survivable relationship and a "dead rose". "Above all else, to thine own self be true".
There is no way of answering your question -- some relationships survive 'reality' perfectly well for years -- the people are open, happy, and even when challenged, they rise above it with aplomb. Other relationships sink into the toilet as 'relationship shit' in just a few weeks -- much depends on the parties involved, how honest they are with themselves, and how honest they are with one another.
Calla Firestorm
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