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I know... - 7/20/2008 6:56:31 AM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

Actually, you might. You might not. Worst case scenario, you know enough to talk about it but not enough to understand it.

This is a basic concept for comprehension that applies here and just about everywhere else. It's the fuel for all our lovely emotional-based opinions, rationalizations, beliefs, and graded facts. It's a thought process, and therefore a tool [often used by folk to whom 'tool' may also apply, especially when we're angry].

An example: despite having SimplyMichael blocked, I saw a snip of a quote from him on a thread here recently. In the snippet he says that "people project far more of their own dysfunction into a post than they realize". Does Michael know what he's talking about, and if he does, does it apply to him as well? Or is that me projecting?

I know Michael would call it projection on my part; I have never seen him apologize, and he likes to take jabs at me whenever he responds to my posts - never spelling my username correctly, for example. My own opinion would be that Michael wants to antagonize for the sake of getting off on being able to get under the skin of others [and that's all it is, my opinion...decidedly not fact]. I base that conclusion on my experience with him; it doesn't mean I have his psyche mapped out, it doesn't mean I'm right. So why go with that assumption, negative as it is? For the same reason I suspect [and again, do not know] Michael provokes; it's my nature. If I start questioning my own perceptions every time I have one, an academic exercise turns reality into a futility.

Knowledge isn't a bad thing. It's an easily manipulated thing, and people invest in it based on their own viewpoints. For those who read the above example, I am not and would not say SimplyMichael lacks any knowledge or credence - I expressed my opinion of him, which I am sure will draw some strong feelings out of a few people. Commentary does that; it's the crib-notes version of knowledge, and frankly falls into the worst-case scenario mentioned in the opening of this post. In other words, it's as serious as you want it to be.

So, how serious are you? [That's rhetorical, but feel free to post a reply, as ye like.]

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

Post #: 1

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 7:00:57 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

On an on-line message board people are not going to see me at my most serious. At least not at this message board. One of the things I enjoy most in life is watching people and how they intereact with each other and how some so easily present their buttons for other's to push. For those who enjoy pushing buttons it sometimes makes it too easy.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 2

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 7:22:14 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

With the recent drama threads, naming the person strikes me in poor taste.

I post exactly the way I talk in real life. Yes, the plug up my butt really is that wide.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 3

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 7:22:44 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

One of the few things i am very serious on this board about is medical advice, since i make my living at it. The rest..... well, some is very tongue-in-cheek, some is not so, and some is just plain silly, and then sometimes depending on the subject, i am very serious.
The reader gets to assign their own assumption as to how silly/serious i am feeling at the time.

Intense people scare me - so i am probably not going to get into a fuss online with someone - in real time sure, but not online. I will seriously argue with someone only face to face, since i need body language response from the other person.

So - i may know stuff, but i am not going to cram it down anyones throat. If they don't want to hear, so be it. Ignorance lives another day!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 4

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 7:23:17 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

naming the person strikes me in poor taste.

Agreed.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 5

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 7:28:57 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

naming the person strikes me in poor taste.

Agreed.

But it is a wonderful way to let him see how much he is getting to ya!

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 7/20/2008 7:29:17 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 7:39:47 AM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

I take a very two sided approach to CM. when it comes to expressing my own opinion and thoughts, I give each topic serious and heart-felt responses. (obvious wankers and trolls of course don't get that...they get what they deserve.)

when it comes to taking advice, getting to know someone or trying to gauge their personality, I do not rely on anything I read here. I will message them privately if I want to get to know them.

if someone has an occasional kernel of wisdom that strikes a chord in me, then I do adapt that into my own way of thinking. do I actually believe they know what they are talking about? generally, hell no! it's like taking advice from a stranger on a street. just because you see them often in passing, doesn't mean their credibility has gone up.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 7

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:05:21 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Lumus,

I probably misspelled your name on purpose and you are right, that is petty on my part and I apologize.

quote:

Does Michael know what he's talking about, and if he does, does it apply to him as well?

Of course it does but it is far harder to see oneself than it is to see others but I think I do a damn fine job of openly examining myself on the boards, enough so that when I am brutal with someone that I am holding them to the same standards I do myself.

quote:

Or is that me projecting?

YEP

quote:

If I start questioning my own perceptions every time I have one, an academic exercise turns reality into a futility.

For me, questioning my perceptions is exactly how I grow and that is neither academic, nor futile.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 7/20/2008 8:07:49 AM >

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 8

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:08:05 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I don't take these boards serious at all..I keep coming back only because once in a while there is a great idea, or a useful snippet of information...I am on other forums too, and feel the same way about those...I can count on one hand the people who post on here who's opinion or advice I might value...as for the negative perceptions, well I am of the firm belief that you never say anything negative about someone to anyone that hasn't met them face to face for themselves, so that they don't have a preconcieved negative view of this person.

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 9

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:08:39 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Reality is a strange thing. We feel we have our place pegged in it perfectly one moment-and then some random event throws everything into chaos.

All I really know is that I can perceive things in a limited fashion-and had best be open to broadening that perception.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 7/20/2008 8:09:10 AM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 10

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:18:51 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus
"people project far more of their own dysfunction into a post than they realize".

I wanted to see whether this would blow up into a shit storm before saying anything further... and, so far, so good.

I am not talking about this particular OP, but Lumus? That statement is true. It is much the same when meeting or talking to someone in real. People give off red flags and don't even realize they are doing it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 11

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:31:01 AM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

~fr~I come here for entertainment. Occassionally, I learn something, occassionally, I laugh at something. Sometimes, I play a guessing game after reading a thread such as who will respond to the thread and how (like, umm... will this thread turn into a bashing thread? And, subxyz will respond abc.)

Personally, I have some folks blocked and the reasons are vast. If 'you' rarely have anything nice to say....you might be blocked. If 'you' spend paragraphs explaining 'your' view of something and wind up saying nothing....you might be blocked. If 'you' are hypocritical in responses....'you' might be blocked. I do not expect that my not 'seeing' someone's response is going to hurt them.

In answer to how serious I am, it totally depends on the day. Unless it is the NFL Brag or Sob thread, then I am VERY serious. ;)

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 12

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:33:41 AM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

I myself sometime come off as arrogant, at least online. I come off sounding 100% when I am only 55%, or believing something alway is true when I simply think it is sometimes true. I consider it to be a character flaw related to dominance.
<p>Another part of the problem is first impressions. I am pretty sure that this is something that evolved in all creatures. In the kill or be killed days, we needed the ability to make first impressions FAST. If we took too long deciding what is going on, then a predator could attack before we made up our mind. But once we made that decision, we had to stick with it, even if it were wrong.
<p>As a result I find that most people get a first impression extremely fast. One post, one picture, and that's it. It is very hard for someone to change these opinions. Honestly, these impressions are often wrong. People are not as simple, one dimensional creatures that first impressions generally depict. See a man in a cop uniform and you might think he is nice, authoritative, and honest. Even if you later find out he is really a stripper in a costume, you will likely think he is a nice, authoritative and honest stripper.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 13

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 8:51:42 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am myself here on the boards, sometimes frivolous, sometimes serious, always honest. I try hard not be unkind, and if I step in it, I apologize. I am not the world's expert on everything--or ANYTHING really--though I have a large brain and a lot of experience, and if I have something valid to share, I toss it out there. Sometimes someone pays attention!

It's very easy to misinterpret typing. It's very easy to to get a wrong first, or second, or third impression. For that reason, I don't have anyone blocked. I didn't even block Domiguy! There are folks on these boards who make my head explode on a regular basis. Some of them are the partners of people I really like and respect! Because of that, I try to understand those people better. (Dang, they must have SOME good qualities, right? )

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 14

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 9:23:57 AM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Lumus,

I probably misspelled your name on purpose and you are right, that is petty on my part and I apologize.

quote:

Does Michael know what he's talking about, and if he does, does it apply to him as well?

Of course it does but it is far harder to see oneself than it is to see others but I think I do a damn fine job of openly examining myself on the boards, enough so that when I am brutal with someone that I am holding them to the same standards I do myself.

quote:

Or is that me projecting?

YEP

quote:

If I start questioning my own perceptions every time I have one, an academic exercise turns reality into a futility.

For me, questioning my perceptions is exactly how I grow and that is neither academic, nor futile.

[unblocks]

The apology is appreciated and accepted, Michael.

I think we have a diametric view on self judgment; I agree completely that a person ought to hold themselves to the same stringent standards they apply to others. Who's better to know that, though; an onlooker, with their non-bias [or rather their own biases]; or the self [who is biased regardless, unless they first crush their own ego]? I prefer to consider the onlooker's perspective to avoid the ego-based bias; whereas I'd see you as the type of person who would feel compelled to take the judgment on yourself for the sake of accountability. Correct me if I'm wrong [and I expect you to, really].

The questions of perceptions I envisioned was more the type of second-guessing that causes people to seize and malfunction like a Ford motor in the dead of winter. Doubting to the point of undermining your own faith, that is what I would consider futile and academic; it's not a thing I'd assign to you, Michael - it was one of my oddly-placed generalizations.

To those who were offended by my use of SimplyMichael as an example, all I can say is, Michael has [to my own limited viewpoint] the best track record of provoking emotional commentary that I've witnessed in the forums. [Ron's a close second.] What he said was pertinent to my post and catalytic to its inception. I wasn't out to roast the bastard. I'm all for being civil but frankly, when we get afraid to cite a person when the citation has merit, we've homogenized our touchy-feely PC play-nice intentions to the point where they're detrimental.

[What? I've unblocked him; balance that out against calling him a bastard and see where it falls in the ledgers of your perceptions. And yes, this is a blatant example of what Michael meant by projecting one's own dysfunction into a post.]

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 15

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 9:30:26 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

People can be dysfunctional and still be functional productive people.
I have phobias, bouts of agorophobia, I get hives when I can't express myself. So.. I face my fears no matter how many times they scare me, I force myself out in the world and often take on the role of leader so that I HAVE to get out of the house, I speak, and yes, exposing the dysfunctional person I am so that someday I might be able to speak up when I am angry.
I never apologize for who I am. But I sometimes apologize for things I say, if it turns out I was mistaken. However, if I still feel I was dead on accurate in my assessment, I dont apologize, even if feelings are hurt. Other than to say, sorry this hurts you, but that is how I see it. I am truthful and don't back down from the truth.

I have MY psyche mapped out. I know why I do what I do. I know when those detours happened in my life to make me who I am. I know what I am and balance what I can. I am dysfuctional but highly functioning. I dont drink, smoke, cuss, I raised 4 kids on my own, made sure they were the type of people who might be welcomed anywhere, I put them through college the same time I went back. I know who I am.

I don't focus on who you are, who Michael is (though I have met him), or who anyone I see typing out here is.. unless they bring a topic up which sparks my interest. It doesn't matter to me if someone believes me or not. I am hard enough on myself, it would be assinine if I were to let the words of people I don't know effect me. THAT is a dysfuction which no one can recover from, because people will always find the negative.
I'll keep my own dysfuctions intact, thank you.
Kyst

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 16

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 9:48:50 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL... I can't believe this thread stayed put! But... since a name was mentioned... I would like to mention something I noticed and took great joy is watching happen. There was this guy who did argue a lot... sometimes right... sometimes wrong, but always in the mix! lol I did tend to shy away from the threads that went the way of male ego and you know... those funny chemical things... but now... I will read anything said nick will say. It has been fun watching the growth and chill factor of a man I have come to respect for a number of reasons, pretty much mentioned here.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 17

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 10:16:14 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

With the recent drama threads, naming the person strikes me in poor taste.

Yes and no, I think. At first I cringed, too, as I thought it was a recipe for disaster. But then posting about someone without the name could have a person accused of passive-aggressive posting. Now, I've been accused of that sort of PA. Should I post who accused me of that and called me a troll, or should I not, and if not, would that be passive-aggressive?

Or should I just not post at all? (no comments from the peanut gallery, please)

It's kind of a lose/lose situation, however you look at it.

As for the OP's quesiton of how serious are we, some say I'm too serious and lack humor (which is true in some circumstances, but untrue in others). Otherwise, I'm just a chick in her 40s who figured out how to survive a journey through hell, and who is 4 years into a relationship which has had its share of struggles. Overall I'm a pretty happy person, where just a few years ago I was a miserable and depressed person. But I am me, a small piece of this very large puzzle of life.

Sure people project. The book, "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz, talks of people living according to their "story" (their life history), and viewing everyone else from the perspective of their "story." What can we offer, if not our perspective? It's when our window is too clouded with our own personal "story" that our minds are closed to what someone else's "story" is. When this happens, what we offer them is rarely helpful, because we are not open to seeing through their eyes.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 18

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 10:38:47 AM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

Title of this thread, "I know".
I know, the person that started THIS thread is a great example of the pot calling the kettle black.

The first time I really had any interaction with the OP, was when he
felt compelled to blast me on a thread that I started.
What really surprised me was, I rarely read or post on threads that he posts on,
and I had never really paid much attention to him, until he felt the need to make nasty comments to me , and none of his many "friends" on here said one word in my
defense.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1534001/tm.htm

I will admit, that I actually regret starting this post, and I actually even
started using the "friends feature" a little bit.

But who on here has never made comments that they later regret?

I know, I am not comfortable with being "friends" with "his friends" and when I see
them out and about in the "real world" outside of CollarMe, I don't/won't say anything to them.

It is actually a little bit sad, because a few of his "friends" I actually like, but I really would not
be comfortable taking the time to become their friend, or meeting and interacting with them in
the real world outside of Collarme.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/20/2008 11:38:10 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Lumus)

Post #: 19

RE: I know... - 7/20/2008 12:53:45 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

none of his many "friends" on here said one word in my
defense.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1534001/tm.htm

I read it ... but I didn't see anything wrong with it. Lumus was calmly stating his opinion, it seemed to me. I generally enjoying reading Lumus's posts - he doesn't seem to get into mud-flinging battles and I understand (I think, anyway) his posting style.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
But who on here has never made comments that they later regret?

I've done it once, recently, but went back about thirty seconds later and erased it. Typically, I think before I post; and usually I try to post respectfully or in fun. If you find that you often regret posts you make, perhaps it would be good to let your thoughts stew for a little while before you hit "ok."

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I know, I am not comfortable with being "friends" with "his friends" and when I see
them out and about in the "real world" outside of CollarMe, I don't/won't say anything to them.
It is actually a little bit sad, because a few of his "friends" I actually like, but I really would not
be comfortable taking the time to become their friend, or meeting and interacting with them in
the real world outside of Collarme.

That is most unfortunate and is ultimately your loss. Consider too that there are people like me in the real world who aren't on his "friends list" but who happen to think he's a pretty cool guy.

Back to the intent of the OP. Sorry about the hijack, Lumus.

Sometimes I'm serious, sometimes I'm not, but I respond the same way I'd respond if we were all in a big room together. I just let it flow.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 20

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