To be found pleasing

To be found pleasing (Full Version)

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slavejali -> To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 12:10:54 AM)
Not sure how this topic will come out..but here goes..typing away. in my everyday life, i am self assured and secure. i know my motivations are good, i know i take care in everything that i do, i know most everything i do, i do well. If someone said something derrogatory towards me, i would take it with a grain of salt. i dont mean to sound pompous, just trying to give a picture. When it comes to my slavery to Master, i find myself always looking for recognition, always wanting His approval, i need to be so pleasing..and im so conscious of this..i sometimes find myself feeling insecure or wondering if im pleasing Him. This creates an internal conflict for me, cuz in some ways it makes me feel weak...yet in others....it makes me feel surrendered..yet in other ways..it goes on. Master loves me being self-assured...but i find with Him..i just...bottom out....i feel so vulnerable..which makes me feel like i should be some other way...yet if im not vulnerable..the only other way i can be or know is to take control..so i cant be any other way...so then i kinda vacillate inside myself...i dont know how to be a slave and maintain control at the same time... Master has often said to me..i should stop seeking approval or recognition for every little that i do...this confuses me...as all i want to do is please him..and i love hearing from him that i am...its not like im a weak person always seeking approval in my everyday life...its just with Him..and i see it as part of my slavery..and i dont know how to not want that..and remain in my feelings of slavery. im feeling kinda spacey today...so i dont know if that made sense..anyways..calling for other peoples experiences or suggestions. Addition: btw im in a different time zone than most people who post here, so if i dont reply immediately to your posts..thankyou in advance.

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 12:29:43 AM)
You make perfect sense, and I truly relate. I am an extremely independent woman outside of my Master and submissive relationship. I am in control of all aspects of my life, except those that Master takes control of. I, too, tend to seek approval by him for many actions, because his is the only opinion that truly matters to me. There is nothing wrong with feeling yourself as vulnerable under your Master's caring touch. It's honestly quite normal. A Master tends to bring out the soft and slightly crushable sweetness that we possess, the beautiful tendency to serve and love, not to be equated with weakness. Weakness and vulnerability are completely different animals. (After all, even Masters are vulnerable.) Vulnerability can be merely the state you are in when experiencing extrodinarily moving situations and circumstances. It can be a wonderful thing. The simplest solution is to learn that vulnerability can often be a beautiful expression of your desire to serve. It is not weak, and it certainly is not to be pitied, it is simply who we are. Submission is a desire that is strong in us, and one that the dominants we care so much about seek, yet vulnerability tends to be a part of the package. Vulnerability is present in so many aspects of a BDSM relationship. It is the giving, the loving, the serving, the desire. So many things are encapsulated in this one little word. How could vulnerability be a bad thing in this context? Simply learn to love how you feel when with Master, be it surrendered or empowered. (As long as it's not seriously hurting anyone, of course.)

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 12:33:15 AM)
quote: Master has often said to me..i should stop seeking approval or recognition for every little that i do...this confuses me...as all i want to do is please him..and i love hearing from him that i am...its not like im a weak person always seeking approval in my everyday life...its just with Him..and i see it as part of my slavery..and i dont know how to not want that..and remain in my feelings of slavery. I know exactly what you are saying here as i went through this myself. When i was able to talk to Master about it, he really helped to put things into perspective for me. He pointed out that although he does not tell me how pleased he is of me after every thing i do for him, he does tell me at the end of each night. I can expect that to happen always. He suggested that i should focus on that end of the night communication....and throughout the day when i am doing things for him, if he does not say something than i am to assume he is pleased(or he would tell me immediately). This way i am not looking for his approval continuously thru the day....i know i will get it at the end of the evening. This also gives me something to look forward to every evening. I think that it has helped in my slavery....as i am no longer apprehensive about his approval after everything that i do. Peace, cathy

Focus50 -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 1:46:33 AM)
In your everyday life, it's just you and you function just like any other adult dealing with real life situations. You react to others as both the circumstances demand and as is your normal way - be it to ignore the obnoxious or give as you get. None of this is necessarily relevant to being an owned slave within your personal relationship. But when you are Master's girl, it's no longer just you or just about you - you are now functioning in an active dynamic and yours is a subordinate role. Yours is to please, serve and obey etc and, as a sub, you're mentally and emotionally "wired" to have this as your need and desire - it's what initially drives you in your very choice of relationship.... IMO, a sub "seeking approval", especially within a happy D/s or M/s relationship, is little more than a natural consequence of that need to please your One; they are connected. As the one being controlled, you should feel vulnerable and at times uncertain and even confused etc, it comes with a dynamic where A) you do as you're told or as is expected of you and B) you equally want to serve and please to the best of your ability, as well. Perhaps you and your Master should talk more about this.... "Seeking approval" is natural but recognition should not be expected all the time. However, occasional acknowledgement is not unreasonable, either - you find a balance.... Focus.

slavejali -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 2:01:36 AM)
quote: Seeking approval" is natural but recognition should not be expected all the time. Its interesting you picked up on that. When i wrote my original topic post i had just typed in just "seeking approval" it was Masters suggestion i added that it was "all the time"....i dont think it changes the dynamic or dilemma for me though.

KatyLied -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 5:20:42 AM)
quote: i need to be so pleasing..and im so conscious of this Get out of my head!! [:D]

IronBear -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 5:29:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Not sure how this topic will come out..but here goes..typing away. in my everyday life, i am self assured and secure. i know my motivations are good, i know i take care in everything that i do, i know most everything i do, i do well. If someone said something derrogatory towards me, i would take it with a grain of salt. i dont mean to sound pompous, just trying to give a picture. When it comes to my slavery to Master, i find myself always looking for recognition, always wanting His approval, i need to be so pleasing..and im so conscious of this..i sometimes find myself feeling insecure or wondering if im pleasing Him. This creates an internal conflict for me, cuz in some ways it makes me feel weak...yet in others....it makes me feel surrendered..yet in other ways..it goes on. Master loves me being self-assured...but i find with Him..i just...bottom out....i feel so vulnerable..which makes me feel like i should be some other way...yet if im not vulnerable..the only other way i can be or know is to take control..so i cant be any other way...so then i kinda vacillate inside myself...i dont know how to be a slave and maintain control at the same time... Master has often said to me..i should stop seeking approval or recognition for every little that i do...this confuses me...as all i want to do is please him..and i love hearing from him that i am...its not like im a weak person always seeking approval in my everyday life...its just with Him..and i see it as part of my slavery..and i dont know how to not want that..and remain in my feelings of slavery. im feeling kinda spacey today...so i dont know if that made sense..anyways..calling for other peoples experiences or suggestions. Addition: btw im in a different time zone than most people who post here, so if i dont reply immediately to your posts..thankyou in advance. What a delightfull post. Well put together. I understand what you are saying having been in that position your Master is in. certainly it can be a pain in the arse to feel it necessary to give some form of aproval on each step of the way, yet showing some recognisation is also in my opinion valuable and in some cases essential. I feel that it is a matter of communications between Master and slave. Any one who is crazy enough to live with me [:-] will soon realise that i use a great many non verbal communications and as such often just my grin when some one has "done good" is enough. I always though make it a point that at the end of the day to complement and give approval and appreciation for things which have been achieved or completed that day. its a bit like never going out or to sleep without telling some one that you love them. With my luck, the day I forget to do that is the day I'll probably cark it.

nephandi -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 5:42:37 AM)
i am a but opisite of the OP i am not werry self asured in everyday life, letting myself be pushed around by others. i am afride of ofending others and often shy unthil i know somone. i am not good at keeping things together and i dont have good self esteem. One of the reasons for me to choose to live in a 24/7 D/S relationship is becouse then i become more strong. i know that the only opinion i realy need to care for is that of my Master, i need not be scared of what others think of me unless my Master want me to be, i can draw strenght trough him. But i to require encuragment, i guess i am a hight maintenence submissive that need shows that what i do is apriciated, that i am apriciated, perhaps this is a flaw, but it is the way i am.

fyreredsub -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 6:13:05 AM)
being vunerable is a scary feeling for woman who are in control.... it was one of the things i battled w/in myself befote i was able to really submit and find liberation. the need for acceptance and belonging and knowing you have done a good job is a way to make that vunerable spot disappear......... however, it is something you must fill w/in yourself by re,membering that had you NOT done a good job/task/thing and were displeasing you WOULD know...b/c sir would speak of it/punish............. so every time you start to get that feeling of wanting a pat on the head(or whatever) tell yourself i'm not in trouble...i must have done good and just reprogram how your brain thinks........if you do it enough eventually the thought pattern will sink in and you will find yourself doing it less.

krikket -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 6:25:45 AM)
i absolutely understand what you're saying. For myself, i think it's because i'm more open, more vulnerable and it matters so very much on a completely different level than the rest of my life. It can, at times, leave me feeling very insecure. i worked hard at not being what he called "a high maintenance sub," but i still needed to hear his approval, especially if it involved something that was new to me. i learned to see his approval in his smile, or bearing. Sometimes what i had done was so seamless it didn't seem to register with him, but i knew it did, on, some level, so i learned to even see his silence as approval (i hope that makes sense). Part of my "job description" was to make his life easier, and when done the way i knew he wanted, was brought me my greatest pleasure. cheers jimini

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 10:48:48 AM)
Jali that was an excellent desciprtion of a very common submissive experience. Yes, you are vulnerable and in some ways always will remain so. But you should not feel unsure or unstable and OVER TIME will develop a sense of security and not always need his external reinforcement. Once you have laid the groundwork for stability and learn to trust that experience, you will simply be comfortable in who you are.

Mercnbeth -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/13/2005 11:42:12 AM)
Great topic, jali! Since you asked for others experiences and suggestions, this slave has this to offer: it has been this slave's personal experience that Master's pleasure IS paramount. He has the power to generate feelings of pride in a job well done for Him as well as the power to reduce this slave to tears for disappointing Him. That's a given. the other thing that is a given is that he will do either AS HE SEES FIT, because that pleases Him too. quote: Master loves me being self-assured so,you are aware of what pleases Him and also, how it feels to be self-assured. quote: Master has often said to me..i should stop seeking approval or recognition for every little that i do He has instructed you more than once to change your behavior. perhaps you could ask Him to train you to take your focus off of yourself, YOUR wants for approval, YOUR need to be reinforced that you are pleasing---is that where your Master desires your focus to be? whenever this slave strays too far into self-centered or emotionally immature THOUGHTS(because that's where it starts, before it becomes behavior and if left unchecked becomes a nasty habit) this slave either uses one of the mental tools Master has taught her to use or she asks Him, specifically to help her focus her thoughts and energy on something other than herself. Master has never been at a loss for getting His slave's complete attention, and the aforementioned thoughts vanish. Good luck!

sunshine333 -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/15/2005 5:10:24 AM)
thank you for your post, jali. this is something i've struggled with for a long time now. i don't know if they know the power that one single sentence said or not said will have on us. a simple recognition of a job well done or otherwise. just so we know where we stand ... whether or not we were pleasing. i don't know that i could ever handle being in their position .. of having someone constantly craving and seeking my approval. i wonder if there's a part of that they enjoy? what feels worse to me than not getting the recognition i crave .. is when i point out that i did something and i hear ..."aw, look at you fishing for compliments." ugh. ... laughs ... not good. so ... i'm learning to just do what i do, quietly. and i'm grateful for what i get. humbly, sunshine

plantlady64 -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/15/2005 6:18:48 AM)
Hello All, I also feel I need my Master to be happy with me to feel like I'm doing a good job. I am a very lucky slave as my Master often tells me how much he loves and appreciates me. There have been times he's been distracted and does not mention his pleasure so much. Being I also crave the acknowledgement that I'm doing a good job I feel a little let down. I agree with what fyreredsub said "the need for acceptance and belonging and knowing you have done a good job is a way to make that vulnerable spot disappear......... however, it is something you must fill w/in yourself by re,membering that had you NOT done a good job/task/thing and were displeasing you WOULD know...b/c sir would speak of it/punish.............". I think when someone’s needs, wants and contentment outweigh your own wants; to be focused on their happiness is a very emotional thing. I try to remember no news is good news, and that I know I'm loved. This for me should be enough so I find a way to view the silence as a good thing and a confidence builder within my own heart. Sincerely, sub suzanne

nephandi -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/15/2005 6:45:31 AM)
Peronaly i think it can be werry hard to stop seeking the aproval of somone you have a Master/slave relationship whit, after all you have chosen to dedicate your lifes to somone, and then for your life to have meaning you sort of need to know you are doing a good job. But i guess this is the problem all over, just look at the vanilla world and how many marriges breake up becouse the parties forget to show that they apriciate what the partner is doing.

starshineowned -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/15/2005 6:50:17 AM)
Greetings..~smiles~ Great topic jali As expressed thus far..I do not think there are to many slaves, if any at all that have not encounter these same emotional rollercoasters. Master set me up from the start with several powerful mantra's to use while knelt naked infront of the mirror and maintaining eye contact with myself. Any time these emotional thoughts start, and start to reflect in my outward physical expression (posture, facial, wandering to and fro for no reason) then I go to that mirror for as long as it takes to remind and re-aquaint myself with myself, and who I am, and what is my purpose. Two other things that Master has armed me with are: No matter what I am feeling, If there is a smile on his face..I know I have and am pleasing. The other which he speaks to me which is alittle harder at times to sink in but when it does, it is effective: Is that whenever it feels that I am not loved, cared about or for..are the times that I am loved, cared about, and for. starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

slavejali -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/15/2005 12:45:22 PM)
quote: it has been this slave's personal experience that Master's pleasure IS paramount. He has the power to generate feelings of pride in a job well done for Him as well as the power to reduce this slave to tears for disappointing Him. That's a given. the other thing that is a given is that he will do either AS HE SEES FIT, because that pleases Him too. I can really relate to that. thankyou for your well thought out post. ive enjoyed reading your posts on other topics too. quote: certainly it can be a pain in the arse to feel it necessary to give some form of aproval on each step of the way, Thats one thing i feel too, that im being a pain in the ass when im asking does he like what i did etc...cept...when im asking i think most of the time what im trying to express to him is my enthusiam for wanting him to be pleased... quote: I am a very lucky slave as my Master often tells me how much he loves and appreciates me. i am too, Master tells me all the time how much He loves me and how much i please Him... quote: If there is a smile on his face..I know I have and am pleasing. One of Masters common sayings is "You make me smile" i really do know i please Him.... Thankyou so much for everyones posts to this topic, im really loving this forum.

Wolfie648 -> RE: To be found pleasing (11/15/2005 1:02:12 PM)
quote: Master has often said to me..i should stop seeking approval or recognition for every little that i do...this confuses me...as all i want to do is please him..and i love hearing from him that i am...its not like im a weak person always seeking approval in my everyday life...its just with Him..and i see it as part of my slavery..and i dont know how to not want that..and remain in my feelings of slavery. I understand your conflict (from the other side of course :-). However if you truly want to please all you have to do is listen (and implement): "Master has often said to me..i should stop seeking approval or recognition for every little that i do" Because that's what he wants. Take assurance in that if he isn't correcting your behaviors/actions that you are doing the right thing (otherwise he would be fixing it right?). I would be prepared to be flexible as well, people change what they want over time... D (owner of j)

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