seeking locally

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Hanoverfisk -> seeking locally (7/13/2008 10:37:11 AM)
Good morning. This submissive male has come to accept that his needs and desires will require him to seek sessions with a professional. There are many of these to be found at some distance, with glamorous websites, and custom facilities, but such is beyond his means. What avenues should he explore to find someone outside a major city, without all the extras? For your helpful contributions, he offers his sincere thanks.

AAkasha -> RE: seeking locally (7/13/2008 10:45:31 AM)
Try www.maxfisch.com -- it's a pretty good networking/message board/advertisting tool for pro femdoms in any market, large or small. But always remember, it's buyer-beware, so do your research before hooking up with a pro femdom in a small town who may seem like she doesn't know what she's doing. Maybe some of the established pros/houses can vouch for the legitimacy of a small town femdom. Akasha

Hanoverfisk -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 4:51:06 PM)
This submissive has become very discouraged. He has explored the link provided, only to be told that what simple activities he craves are not on the menu or would cost many times what he is capable of spending. He has explored other such sites, and those that offer a different variety of services, only to feel ripped off and abused in ways that do not satisfy his desperate desires. This submissive wishes for a realtime arrangement where he is commanded, humiliated, penetrated and directed to provide oral sevice. He does not need costumes and special furnishings, only a woman who shows that she knows and enjoys the game. Does anyone know where this submissive should look to find what he needs?

Politesub53 -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 5:13:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hanoverfisk This submissive wishes for a realtime arrangement where he is commanded, humiliated, penetrated and directed to provide oral sevice. You sound as if you are after free, or at least cheap, sex. Ask yourself why any woman would satisfy your demands with nothing in return. I dont know what the chances are of hooking up with a one night stand at a BDSM club are, slim I suspect. Work out what you can offer in return, cash ? A relationship, chores ? Then you might get what you are seeking.

Hanoverfisk -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 5:25:59 PM)
This submissive thanks you for the opportunity to clarify himself. This slave understands what the foundation of such activities must be. He is simply looking for a coffee shop or diner instead of a steakhouse. He has explored the sites that pretend to have such information, only to feel ripped off and fee'd to death.

peppermint -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 8:45:13 PM)
There are many many male submissives seeking the comparatively few lifestyle or free Dominant women. What do you have that makes you shine above the other males wishing the same activity with a Dominant woman? Are you offering *anything* for her services, or should serving you be sufficient reward for her? I have a feeling you are looking for an activity that very few wish to engage in. Apparently you have searched in all the normal places and still find your desires to be above your budget. That means that what you seek will not be cheap and you might have to save for a long time.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 9:03:15 PM)
There's a saying in Africa - "If you want to hunt lions, you must go where the lions are." If you're not finding what you're looking for in your small hometown, it may very well be that it's because it doesn't exist in your town. In which case you would need to make a decision - stay there and continue to live without the relationship you're looking for, or move to a larger city where you're more likely to find someone who matches your interests. Good luck with whatever you decide!

MissLaura1973 -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 9:26:57 PM)
As someone who lives (according to CM) within 50-miles of the OP, and knowing that I'm in the L.A. area, I'm thinking that the OP has plenty of access to pros, play areas, social groups, etc. In looking at your profile, Hanoverfisk, the immediate statement of "Discretion required" immediately makes me think that you're married or otherwise acting on the sly and that would turn off any interest directly. However, even if you removed that statement (of course folks are going to be discrete - don't you think that the vast majority of us have vanilla lives that we need to keep separate from our BDSM selves?), your few lines in the profile are all "me" oriented - you're looking for kinky sex, but "can't abandon ties" (again, screams "married" to me) - and you say nothing of what you can or are willing to offer a potential dominant / play partner. I know that there are folks here who are okay playing with marrieds, and there've been times in my life when I was, too. But not right now, so I know that I'm turned off by your profile and so not able to evaluate it with an open mind. That being said, perhaps if you put some more time and thought into how you present yourself - what you can offer - something that makes you unique from all of the others on here - you might hav better luck.

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 11:02:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissLaura1973 As someone who lives (according to CM) within 50-miles of the OP, and knowing that I'm in the L.A. area, I'm thinking that the OP has plenty of access to pros, play areas, social groups, etc. LA! Cripes, the guy's in LA? Well, jeez, I never even checked. In that case, my advice doesn't apply. Hell, I just got back from a 3-week trip to LA to check out the job and housing markets there, specifically because I'm thinking very hard about moving to LA in the hope that their large, vibrant kink scene will make it easier for me to find a partner. If he can't find what he's looking for in LA, there's probably no place else in the world that offers him a better chance to find it.

Hanoverfisk -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 11:25:23 PM)
This submissive sees from the impressions of the beautiful MissLaura1973 that his profile is clearly understand. While this submissive is willing to embrace whatever protocol might be required of him, he understands that he will likely not be of interest to a lifestyle seeker of slaves. This submissive has decided to be as forthcoming as possible in what he is in need of. He does not wish to waste the time of those women busy enough weeding out the submissives like him who lie about it. This submissive finds the distance meter on the search function misleading. He guesses it is zip-code to zip-code, as the crow flies. Crossing mountains in traffic is not local for him. This submissive thanks the beautiful MissLaura1973 for taking the time to respond.

MissLaura1973 -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 11:45:53 PM)
Trust me - the being honest about your "availability" is much appreciated; however, I was letting you know that that may be why others are not contacting you. Likewise, the list of what it is that you are looking for, " ... a realtime arrangement where he is commanded, humiliated, penetrated and directed to provide oral sevice" sounds to me that you're simply looking for kinky sex. You're still not conveying what it is that you can offer the dominant / play partner (we have far too many applications already from men looking for those exact things) or why someone should take you on as a paying client or anything else. I personally don't think that the 50-miles ... or 100-miles, for that matter ... precludes you from participating in the BDSM community, including seeing a professional dominant, unless, because of your marital / living situation you can't get away for any length of time. Your line about, " ...looking for a coffee shop or diner instead of a steakhouse" is offensive - it really sounds like you're looking for a cheap sexual encounter; if that is what you want, check out the Craig's List ads for your area - I'm certain that you'll find someone there who'll be willing to perform on command.

DelilahDeb -> RE: seeking locally (3/8/2009 11:58:46 PM)
OP: Every single instance of a sub wanting "discretion" has been a man who is acting outside his primary sexual relationship, usually long term and committed—married, possessor of "my girlfriend", or similar. Occasionally such a man has a career-related excuse for fearing "exposure"; one was an attorney with a daughter partner ready to carry on the practice when he retired; another was a younger man with a business partnership with a fundamentalist right-wing Christian. Yes, their reasons make sense, and no, I maintain that they're still sneaking around—at least in their own hearts, cheating on their partners. I have one statement for those folks: my being poly does not mean I help you cheat. The other side of secrecy can be fear, or outright paranoia—discreet is accepting that what happens in a BDSM club stays in a BDSM club, secrecy is a much larger can of worms. (Hey, I calls 'em as I sees 'em.) And if one wants to get emotional needs met, then one must acknowledge those needs, determine whether those needs can be met in existing relationships, and decide how to satisfy them if not. The OP has decided how, but has not, AFAIK, stepped out of his fearful secrecy to locate munches or clubs where he might might be able to scratch his itch without going to a pro; and yet wants acts that, from his profile, in some cases qualify as prostitution and hence illegal for any pro to provide. And then he whimpers about expense? Reality check! Is it any wonder so many of us grumble at the available quality of wannabe sub males? Lady Delilah Deb

ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: seeking locally (3/9/2009 12:01:14 AM)
She's right; she's making some really terrific points. OP, I think you might want to revisit your whole approach here. OK, I hate the traffic out there too. But if you live in Fontana or San Berdoo or wherever, and someone who's right for you lives in Venice, I think you should just be deliriously grateful that she's in Venice, CA instead of Venice, Italy. Think for a moment about what kind of message you're sending prospective partners when you say you don't feel like driving 50 miles through traffic to see them. How special do you think that's going to make them feel? How excited do you think that's going to make them about getting involved with you?

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: seeking locally (3/9/2009 12:20:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hanoverfisk This submissive wishes for a realtime arrangement where he is commanded, humiliated, penetrated and directed to provide oral sevice. Forget it. You are never going to find a pro to do this. Penetration and "oral service" are blatant sex acts. ProDommes expect financial compensation. Sex acts for financial compensation = prostitution. Most professional femdoms are not prostitutes. Of course what you want isn't "on the menu" -- because it's illegal. And you are so not worth a trip to jail. Duh. Either man up and be happy with your vanilla wife, or pony up the cash for a trip to Las Vegas where it's legal.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: seeking locally (3/9/2009 4:15:14 AM)
If you are superhot, and can offer to clean a domina's basement or backyard, or cook regularly for her, etc., she may consider using you intermittently as you wish to use her. Otherwise, I have no other helpful info, given that it does seem a little cheap treatment and kinky sex is what you seek on the side, and that, is a little harder to come by with most self respecting woman. I tend to not want to do to wives what I wouldn't want done to me, so find your situation problematic. M

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