RE: Infighting and nastiness

RE: Infighting and nastiness (Full Version)

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sweetwenchie -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 2:19:19 PM)
~fast reply~ i do not think that simply because we are on a kinky site we are somehow better than anyone else, and above rude behaviour. That said, i think quite a number of posts come off snarkier than might have been the intent. With only words to go by, unable to hear the inflection of a voice, miscommunication is easy. me, i can be a caustic bitch at times, but i do try to control it, when the urge to let it out becomes overwhelming i tend to head over to the rants and raves section of Cl [;)] Now, can someone point me to the warm fuzzy section of Cm, i feel the overwhelming urge to play nicely with others.

WyldHrt -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 2:23:20 PM)
Come join us the the PRS forum, Wenchie. It's all warm n fuzzy there. [;)]

Missokyst -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 2:36:02 PM)
Makes me wonder why someone would choose to stay. Seriously. I don't break my mirror because someone might not agree with the image I see. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm I've been on this website for years now, and I have to say that it has definitely gone downhill. Thank you for addressing this issue, MasterforRT. I think that a mirror seriously needs to be held to all of us. None of us has the right to judge others.

ModeratorEleven -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 2:47:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PonyGroom Frankly, those advertisers have a lot of options, today, and if the top three advertisers on CM took their business elsewhere, CM would likely fold. No, we wouldn't. The advertising revenue here doesn't come close to paying the bills. We're not here to make money. XI

christine1 -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 2:51:27 PM)
"It's nice to be nice to the nice" submissive Burns

Alumbrado -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 2:53:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Common sense. SOMEONE paid for the site before the ads were here. If the members never had to do so, logically that means someone was. The owners. If you want to complain to the advertisers and see if they get behind you for a change... go for it. I am sure they keep very close tabs on all couple hundred sites they advertise with and even though the site brings them in revenue, they are ready and willing to get behind limiting the members and cutting their own incoming revenue. Let us know how that goes. In the real business world, advertisers have pulled their support when certain things were seen as bad for business, why would a cyber business be immune? I doubt that it would happen over 'rudeness', but I also wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the entire notion that advertisers have the time or inclination to pay attention to such things.

sirguym -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 3:04:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT Question: How can we expect vanillas to respect us and our lifestyle when we don't respect EACH OTHER? There is a post here that I replied to-and got several rude and nasty replies. Some though the nastiness was funny. The person who started the thread (not me) was quite upset at the rudeness. Again I ask-If we treat each other like crap, how can we expect the non BDSMers to treat us any differently? Have you ever heard of the saying: "You reap what you sow?" Next time-THINK about the seeds you are sowing. Rudeness has no place here! ESPECIALLY here! Yoou should always try to avoid being rude accidentally: and be very careful about being rude delibeately. But it's going to happen, sure as night follows day, and bemoaning that obvious fact won't change it. People often fail too to realise pointing out that somebody else is rude can be at least as rude in its way. Especially if one bears in mind the biblical proverb about the mote and the beam. Much better to hold up a mirror to such messages, so maybe the person concerned can better see how they are perceived.

L8bloomer -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 4:37:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW My sentiments are that just because everyone else is being rude, that doesn't mean I have to be rude as well. This doesn't mean I don't argue my points (quite vehemently at times), but it does mean that I stick to arguing the point...not rudely cutting down a person. I think that society, in general, has reached a point where we no longer expect good manners when dealing with strangers. We talk about needing to "earn" respect... and that may be true, but "common courtesy" is called "common" for a reason -- it is the most basic level of acknowledgement that the person that one is speaking with on this electronic medium is, in fact, a living, breathing, thinking (most of the time) human with whom one must share a planet -- and that, in itself, is sufficient to keep us "greasing the wheels of society", to paraphrase Robert Heinlein. Calla Firestorm quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly i agree with Aileen. Rudeness is in all areas...we are not immune. Just ignore it to the best of your ability. Here here Calla! I was hoping someone might have posted as you have. Most posters on this thread have stated how it's no different here than in the vanilla world for rudeness, etc. Now, I know this isn't really answering the OP's post, so I apologize in advance...but...would it be so difficult for all of us to be just a little kinder to each other? Not just the kink world, but the world in general? It's sort of the reap what you sow sort of thinking. Maybe if every one of us, when we felt ready to respond to a post in a negative or even jeering manner, decided to rethink our strategy and put our response forth in a positive light, maybe, just maybe it would be the start of something better. Something else that this thread brings to mine is the inadequacy of this particular medium. All we have are words on a screen. Many of us are not the best communicators so the words and sentiments we hope to convey, are not always interpreted that way. And while the differences in what we expect people to read and what they actually comprehend may be subtle, those subtleties can translate into a rather large misunderstanding. There is no tone of voice or facial expression or body language that goes along with these words. Added smileys can only do so much. I forget too that people are just reacting to my words on a screen and not to take it personally as people don't know me. But being the human critters we are, sometimes it isn't so easy to remember this. Please just try to be a little bit kinder. :)

LadyPact -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 5:11:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1 LP, we truly enjoyed your visit. I was impressed with your skills. I look forward to being able to give closer attention next time, lol. My girl will soon be posting on AIRS about our search for featured players. Of course, let us know when you want to do it. Now back on topic...... I don't want or expect the vanilla world to respect what I do. I am not interested in recruiting those that have no interest in this lifestyle, yet I welcome those that do. OB, I was glad to finally make an appearance. I'd be happy to do it, as long as My schedule agrees. (That can be harder than it sounds.) Just give Me a heads up and it will be worked out. I have the demo here next month, so I'm already booked for that. As to the topic again, I really do believe the vanilla folks associate us more with the stereotype that has been created for us. I doubt that's bringing us boatloads of respect.

kc692 -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/13/2008 5:34:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PonyGroom quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 Just to insert a note, the advertisers do not pay for the total cost of the maintenance and running of this site. Considerable amounts are spent every month over and beyond revenues to keep this site going for bandwidth, etc. There are also select volunteers that spend hours daily and weekly to help the site keep running..... it has only been a year and a half or so that advertisers have even been on the site, and the site had well over a quarter of a million members before the site took on advertisers, so before that the costs were paid in whole by the owners. Yes, the ads have not been here forever. I think most of us are aware there are volunteers working more or less anonymously as mods, and other volunteers behind the scenes. Do the owners publish financial information? If so, can you tell us where to find it? If not, how is it you know what you do? They do not publish financial information, as this is not a publicly held company. Suffice it to say, however, I do know what I'm talking about. It's up to you to believe what I say or not. It does not change either way what the facts are.

StormsSlave -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/14/2008 10:54:00 AM)
BDSM is not a religion. There are no secret, candlelit meetings where passwords are required to gain entrance and then we engage in sexual rituals while others are murmuring unintelligibly and dancing in circles. This "community" is an online discussion board of folks who share a common interest, no different than a million others out there. Just because you have kinky sex, own/are a slave, and/or live the "lifestyle" 24/7 or occasionally like a good spanking matters not at all. I owe you no more respect than I do the schlep on the bus next to me. If he were to tell me intimate details about his personal life, I'd be just as blunt and direct with him, even if it meant calling him a moron. If you don't like it, shrug, don't participate. Copper spent.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/14/2008 6:20:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StormsSlave BDSM is not a religion. There are no secret, candlelit meetings where passwords are required to gain entrance and then we engage in sexual rituals while others are murmuring unintelligibly and dancing in circles. I like your version of religion. Makes me want to join it, and worship like a zealot! Psst...you know, some of us do have secret meetings with references required to enter....where we beat each other, and stand around in cirlces gawking. Just saying...

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/14/2008 6:41:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact As to the topic again, I really do believe the vanilla folks associate us more with the stereotype that has been created for us. I doubt that's bringing us boatloads of respect. I have always questioned the idea that because someone has some stereotype concerning me or the way that I live, it should mean that I have to -reinforce- that stereotype by letting my ego, my anger, or my bitterness hold sway. I have learned that it is possible that, through choosing more responsible behavior, and being both responsible and visible, I might help to disabuse that stereotype among at least some of the "common folk". There will always be some obstreperous idiots who will insist on retaining the stereotype as the only reality, but one mind changed does slightly change the odor of the cesspool, oui? I relish breaking stereotypes. Perhaps I should consider that a new fetish to add to my list. [;)] Calla Firestorm

StormsSlave -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/15/2008 8:20:21 PM)
Winsome, Ha Ha Ha Ha! I get your point. Funny! I've read so many of these Rodney King like posts, I think I'm getting jaded. It seems like once a week someone is saying how as a "community" we should all be "nice" to one another and post only in an "uplifting, positive" way. It's exactly like various religions I've been involved with, that started out with the best of intentions, only to turn in to another excuse to judge and condemn others and to feel superior. I'm not sure I want to be part of any "community" that can't let people be who they are and not try to control the words that come out of other people. We are a group of people who beat or get beaten by others for sexual pleasure, not to mention the multiple partner side of things, and some of us can claim any kind of moral superiority?

LadyHugs -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/15/2008 8:49:06 PM)
Dear masterforRT, PonyGroom, Ladies and Gentlemen; Infighting and nastiness has been around as long as civilization. It has yet to change after all these centuries. It is my opinion, that now days people can be a bit numb to it, tolerate it and or excuse it. For those who wish to participate in the 'infighting' and 'nasty' behaviors and or attitudes, are welcome to do so however; I shall not be participating and or wish to be around such. PonyGroom, I do know ChrisM and have known him since he was a beginner -- a very long time. LOL. I have been around Black Rose and other groups; to which infighting and nastiness existed before he joined BR, still exists (especially around election time) and will exist well after we're all in dust form, should BR still be an organization. To know such happening, one has to be a participant; otherwise--to keep one's skirts clean from such politics, the power struggle between entrenched individuals, the infighting and the nastiness; you don't join. That said, as long as there are individuals that form little groups/cliques; within a group and politics and or power struggles occur; there will be no escape from such. There is nothing new here; as it happens at the job, family, scene and or 'the world' in the larger scheme of things. Indeed, there are hopes for respect and recognition for one and all. However, the only power one really has, is their own. There is then the hope; that by living as an example of good and positive influence, will inspire others to change. However, it is folly to think anybody can change another person(s); as they (in general terms); must be willing to change first; in order to begin the twinkling of signs of change and or in the frame to consider change. It could be considered, in my opinion; that those that need to be nasty and or rude; only put those that are not; in a much better light and enhance others; instead of having vague changes to weed through to seek those who one wishes to associate with; the roses will bloom above the manure pile. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

MasterZen22 -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/15/2008 10:26:33 PM)
to OP: Bravo! Bravo! You are completely right, I do not understand why so many people on these forums choose to be so rude or inconsiderate to others! It is a great mystery to me. It is important to note that communicating on online forums is very difficult, it is very easy to be misunderstood and it it is easy to over-react to criticisms, because we cannot tell any of body languague/tone of the people who are speaking. So always guard yourself and if some one says something that seems rude to you, take a deep breath and try to decided if it was really intended to be that way or if maybe they wanted to help. Having said that though, there are some trolls who lurk in these forums and seem to delight in insulting other people, especially new people. (you all know who you are). They are apparently very bitter and frustrated, but I do not understand whey then would choose to spend so much time and energy attacking others. If they spend all that mental energy tearing other people down it can create negative feelings inside them and make themselves unhappy in the long run. Similarly, I have found that when I try to help other people (including people on online forums) it creates a deeper sense of inner peace in myself. Compassion is good for my state of mind, and I take this approach towards how I deal with this lifestyle and how I deal with slaves or submissives in my care. If more people on the forums choose to take this same approach to Domination, I think that everyone would have a better experience. Many people have responded to the OP defending their right to be rude. People have said they didn't "owe" respect to anyone or they said that "respect is earned." I agree with them that they have a choice to be rude, but I don't understand why they'd WANT to be rude! Being respectful and compassionate, instead of being rude, is very rewarding. Showing kindness to people you do not know can have a healing effect on your own psyche and on theirs as well, it is fun! There are plenty of good reasons to be nice to people, I think this is very similar to the concept of "kharma." My advice is 2-fold. 1. read posts carefully, try not to over-react to what people say, and try not to leap to the conclusion that people have attacked you. 2. When some bitter, angry lurker does attack you, just brush it off. I hope more people begin to practice being supportive and kind to other people on this forum, I think if they try it they will discover they like it. -Zen

MasterZen22 -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/15/2008 10:43:09 PM)
quote: ... I'm not sure I want to be part of any "community" that can't let people be who they are a... we are a group of people who beat or get beaten by others for pleasure" "The right so swing your fist ends at another mans face" -Benjamin Franklin It is all about consent! We do not have a right to beat people merely because we like to beat them, we must find someone who likes being beaten and get their consent. Similarly we do not have a right to say rude things to people on a forum, just because we may like to tear them down. Storm, if being verbally abusive to complete strangers in online forums is "part of who you are" please only be rude to someone when you have their consent. Find some online equivalent of as masochist be rude to them. I think everyone wants to "let people be who they are," it only gets complicated when you involve OTHER PEOPLE, because they also have a right to "be who they are." Merely because you like doing something to others does not give you a right to infringe on other people and tear them down. Ben Franklin said it best.

MasterZen22 -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/15/2008 11:10:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 and, like any coward, you're not to be seen again when someone calls you on it. Maybe this time, since it is your thread? I'm not holding my breath.... ...um dude I think he just went offline. No need to get all worked up. :-) -Zen

Focus50 -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/16/2008 5:27:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterZen22 quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 and, like any coward, you're not to be seen again when someone calls you on it. Maybe this time, since it is your thread? I'm not holding my breath.... ...um dude I think he just went offline. No need to get all worked up. :-) -Zen *Ahhh, that's how you* thunk it THREE DAYS later? I'm wiv ya - unlike the OP.... [:-] Focus.**

stella41b -> RE: Infighting and nastiness (7/16/2008 6:12:56 AM)
Well they'll flame you even if you write something good They'll flame you just like you think they would They'll flame you if you're a submissive or a dom They'll flame you at the office and at home I guess for everyone it's the same Everybody must get flamed They'll flame you when you're starting a new thread They'll flame you if it's unclear what you said They'll flame you in General BDSM discussion They'll flame you in every other section I guess for everyone it's the same Everybody must get flamed They'll flame you even if you try to raise a smile They'll flame you when they read your journal and profile They'll flame you if you're like a sitting duck They'll flame you and then they'll say good luck I guess for everyone it's the same Everybody must get flamed Well they'll flame you if you post right at the end They'll flame you if you come back to post again They'll flame you if you're posting too much They'll flame you if you write about such and such I guess for everyone it's the same Everybody must get flamed Well they'll flame you when you are all alone They'll flame you if you've just got home They'll flame you for something that's in their head They'll flame you for some of the things they've said I guess for everyone it's the same Everybody must get flamed apologies to Bob Dylan..

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