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Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:19:38 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		How you feel about Dominants that order their subs to contact others here by email for the purposes of  punishing  and humiliating  their subs. 

I just recieved an email from a sub that was ordered to go around emailing females here  on CM to ask them if they enjoying pooping in their panties

now I know it is possibly just some guy emailing  as a personal turn on  ... but lets say there is some truth that he is being punished and humiliated  by his dominant   in this manner, do you feel it is acceptable to involve others without their consent

For me the problem is not so much being ask the question  but the fact them I am being forced  to become part of their relationship  with this email exchange...I have noted in the past that there have been incidents of punishment ..where a sub is order to humiliate themselves on the message forum, even though I may not respond to the message ..I feel like I am a forced participant in that humiliation once I read that thread...  to me it would be a totally different matter if the dominant would have contacted me first and asked if I would be agreeable to participating in the humiliation of their sub and be left with  the choice to accept of refuse participation

I would like to hear the thoughts of others on this








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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:24:27 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		If you're right (and you probably are) then the sender is a fuckwit and should simply be ignored.  No reactions will mean his sad little weenie will have to stay asleep in his big girl panties.

And if it is a Dom making his sub do this, then he is a fuckwit and .....well, you've already read the rest!

Just my   ...



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Maya2001)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:24:39 AM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with you about the e-mails. Not right. not a BIG deal, but still not the right way to go about it.  As for the forums I think they are a more appropriate place for that but they should start a thread rather than post that kind of thing to an existing thread. That way those who choose to participate have chosen to do so.

PS you are probably right about the real intent.


< Message edited by KYsissy -- 7/12/2008 6:25:43 AM >

(in reply to Maya2001)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:25:32 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		My feeling is that I am not a participant unless I actually respond -- at that point, by responding I am giving tacit consent... but this is a virtual punishment, and if I don't want to participate, I can always just delete the mail. Then again, I am typically not one who sees stuff like this from a "victim" perspective. I recognize that I can avoid participation just by not viewing or by using my delete key judiciously.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Maya2001)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:27:26 AM   
ServingGirrl


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		My Mistress is not into humiliation but She is determined to cure me of my shyness and difficulties when meeting new people.   If i have a question - for instance, i recently had one about the Gorean lifestyle and another about switching - She now gets me to make a post on here or a message to a suitable person on the CM list introducing myself, explaining the instructions i have been given and why, and asking my question.   i must then show the answers to Mistress to prove i have done this.   This isn't humiliation in the sense You are asking about but it is a difficult challenge for me.

my answer really boils down to this; if the contact made is genuine, unobjectionable and polite then i have no problem with being forced to make it, other than the problem caused by being shy.   If i was asked to be crass, offensive or prurient then i would still obey and i WOULD be humiliated, but i can't conceive any Dominant worthy of the name treating other CM members in this manner just to prove a power over their submissive.

Thank You for a very interesting question which, i will add, i answered of my own volition ........... livvi (Property of Mistress Roni) 

_____________________________

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**Property of Mistress Roni***

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of knowing yourself - Nietzsche

(in reply to Maya2001)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:31:41 AM   
ServingGirrl


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		By the way - and completely off topic - how does one add a signature permanently to all posts?   A direct reply rather than a post on here might be more suitable and would be greatly appreciated

edit: great thanks to Mistress CallaFirestormBW for Her answer............... livvi

< Message edited by ServingGirrl -- 7/12/2008 6:45:26 AM >

_____________________________

_____________________________________________

**Property of Mistress Roni***

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of knowing yourself - Nietzsche

(in reply to ServingGirrl)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:40:58 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		Emails like that might just as well be spam, it's all sent without your consent, and should all be treated with the contempt it deserves.

Personally, i would want to know who the Dominant was so that i could remonstrate with them about wasting my time having to read such non consensual mail. If someone wants to form a mailing list for their sub/slave to humiliate themselves the Dominant should make contact with people first, out of respect, to make sure they agree to being used in other people's kink, and it should be done Dominant to Dominant if they want to include other folks sub/slaves directly.

i just think that, along with other shit we get from folk we don't know and don't want to know, it's just bad manners and disrespectful.


(in reply to Maya2001)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:44:31 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Emails like that might just as well be spam, it's all sent without your consent, and should all be treated with the contempt it deserves.

Personally, i would want to know who the Dominant was so that i could remonstrate with them about wasting my time having to read such non consensual mail. If someone wants to form a mailing list for their sub/slave to humiliate themselves the Dominant should make contact with people first, out of respect, to make sure they agree to being used in other people's kink, and it should be done Dominant to Dominant if they want to include other folks sub/slaves directly.

i just think that, along with other shit we get from folk we don't know and don't want to know, it's just bad manners and disrespectful.




See, I don't understand this -- yes, it's SPAM, but why waste any more time on it than the time it takes to hit the delete key? Why write the dominant or the sub, or spend time worrying about it. It's junk... just throw it away. Why expend extra energy on idiots?

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to pinkwind)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 6:50:44 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

Emails like that might just as well be spam, it's all sent without your consent, and should all be treated with the contempt it deserves.

Personally, i would want to know who the Dominant was so that i could remonstrate with them about wasting my time having to read such non consensual mail. If someone wants to form a mailing list for their sub/slave to humiliate themselves the Dominant should make contact with people first, out of respect, to make sure they agree to being used in other people's kink, and it should be done Dominant to Dominant if they want to include other folks sub/slaves directly.

i just think that, along with other shit we get from folk we don't know and don't want to know, it's just bad manners and disrespectful.




See, I don't understand this -- yes, it's SPAM, but why waste any more time on it than the time it takes to hit the delete key? Why write the dominant or the sub, or spend time worrying about it. It's junk... just throw it away. Why expend extra energy on idiots?

Calla Firestorm




It's just the way i feel at the moment, literally haven't had my meds yet, and as i said at the start of my post spam should be treated with the contempt it deserves. But then i got on my high horse...happens sometimes, sorry.


(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 7:00:46 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Nothing to apologize for-- I wasn't really directing that post at you -- more trying to understand the mindset of folks who 'go off' on the people who send this crap -- or phone solicitors, or political pundits on TV... Just to try to get an idea of why someone would expend more energy arguing with assholes. From my mindset, you only give them the power to screw up your day if you contribute to a dialog with the idiots.

Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to pinkwind)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 7:02:12 AM   
ServingGirrl


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		i commented earlier that my Mistress has me ask questions both here and to people on CM to teach me how to get past my shyness and communicate.   i thought it might be interesting to include one such actual email and get Y/your opinions on whether Y/you would treat it as unsolicited and unwanted spam or if Y/you would consider answering.   i'll add upfront; this Mistress gave a detailed and very friendly answer, but i'd love to read Y/your comments......

Mistress, please forgive this intrusion but i am writing hoping You could spare me some of Your time and wisdom.

My name is olivia and i am the property of Mistress Roni here in Melbourne.   Like Your girl XXXXXXXX i have also recently realised my need to express a hitherto latent Dominant side and have sought and gained my Mistress's permission to do so.   As part of that arrangement though, She has instructed me to use my own initiative and seek help, advice and the like from others without Her doing it all for me - a sink or swim scenario.   She will happily help train me but not until i have done my background work.

My question is this Mistress; no doubt You have discussed the issue of switching mindsets from sub to Dom with Your girl, especially as Her Domme side will be expressed within Your poly household as i understand it.   What advice or instruction have You given her as to how best to achieve this changeover and the difficulties it can pose?   Any advice or suggestions in this area which You would be kind enough to offer would be gratefully received.   Of course, i understand You must get inundated with messages and i will understand perfectly if You are too busy to assist or respond to this message.

Many blessings and thanks ....... livvi (MR)
 
 

_____________________________

_____________________________________________

**Property of Mistress Roni***

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of knowing yourself - Nietzsche

(in reply to pinkwind)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 7:02:13 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		My first owner had me do something along these lines and I was mortified, but I did it...... and apologized profusely to the people I had to email. 

He did a lot of stupid stuff that involved others and I thought it was tacky and silly........ just another of the many reasons I am no longer his. 

Edited to add:  I was required to contact femdoms and ask if they wished to use me. 

< Message edited by BRNaughtyAngel -- 7/12/2008 7:05:09 AM >

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 7:24:07 AM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001
How you feel about Dominants that order their subs to contact others here by email for the purposes of  punishing  and humiliating  their subs. 

I just recieved an email from a sub that was ordered to go around emailing females here  on CM to ask them if they enjoying pooping in their panties

now I know it is possibly just some guy emailing  as a personal turn on  ... but lets say there is some truth that he is being punished and humiliated  by his dominant   in this manner, do you feel it is acceptable to involve others without their consent

I say this is an issue of free expression, and regardless of the fact I would rather not be involved, I would rather they be allowed to do it, than to try to make it unacceptable.  It is the price we pay to be allowed to do and be who and what we are in return.  Do we really want to start putting limits on things that do no actual harm?  Does recievng a message like that violate your rights as a human being?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001
For me the problem is not so much being ask the question  but the fact them I am being forced  to become part of their relationship  with this email exchange...

I really do not want to make anyone feel wrong about holding this viewpoint.  I do understand you find it distasteful and it is your right to do so, of course.  But aside from voicing an opinion on it, there is nothing else to be done.  Otherwise you are no better than those people who want to eradicate anything to do with 'gay pride' because they do not want to be 'exposed' to it.  They also feel 'tainted' by the experience, as if what they  were 'forced' to witness when they looked out their window to see a pair of men holding hands somehow made them a little more gay, themselves.

How do I feel about dominants that make thier subs do this?  I feel they are rude.  ButI also know they have little concern for what anyone else thinks about them so no amount of complaining is going to stop them from doing it, and in fact, the more of a big deal we make of it, the more humiliating the practice is for those subs forced to do it, and the more rewarding it is for dominants who want to humiliate thier subs to engage in it.

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 7/12/2008 7:25:42 AM >

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 7:25:33 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		If you have an active Collarme profile, that means you are consenting to receive e-mails--yes,even e-mails from subs who ask whether you enjoy pooping in your panties.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

How you feel about Dominants that order their subs to contact others here by email for the purposes of  punishing  and humiliating  their subs. 

I just recieved an email from a sub that was ordered to go around emailing females here  on CM to ask them if they enjoying pooping in their panties

now I know it is possibly just some guy emailing  as a personal turn on  ... but lets say there is some truth that he is being punished and humiliated  by his dominant   in this manner, do you feel it is acceptable to involve others without their consent

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 8:21:08 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		livvi, I feel that your example is perfect.  you had a specific weakness that your Mistress decided to work on and her letter was not humiliating to you or a burden to others.

Having a sub ask a stupid scat question wastes everyone's time and damages both the sub's and Master's image within the community.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 8:38:43 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		It does seem like an intrusion Maya; I'm sure you were offended by the question, if only a bit.
 
Dumb ass way to humiliate a submissive, if you ask me.
 
candystripper

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 9:15:02 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper
Dumb ass way to humiliate a submissive, if you ask me.
 
candystripper


Agreed.  That was my first thought:  how is this at all humiliating to the sub who's asking the question?  It sounds more like an asshole trying to get wank material than an honest attempt at humiliation. 

IF I were to command a sub to do humiliate himself by sending unsolicited PMs, it would be more in the nature of him having to disclose something humiliating about himself.  Asking a Domme (or asking anyone, really) whether they enjoy a humiliating activity seems to be rather....off topic, I guess.

When I read your description of what was sent, all I saw was:  "I'm a wanker looking to embarass and/or humiliate someone, but I'm too damn weak to want the backlash or ignore that would be sent if I just asked straight out, so I'll invent a fictional direction from a nonexistant Mistress to help defer the blame."

livvi - Had I received a letter like that, I would have answered it politely, and not been at all upset.  Me personally anyway.


(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 9:32:40 AM   
KneelingSilently


Posts: 38
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline 		I really wish CM mail allowed for subject lines. 

_____________________________

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. - Mark Twain

(in reply to Dari)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 9:47:39 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Maya2001,

First, let me say you are one of those posters I open the link to when I see you have posted.  I usually enjoy and agree whole heartedly with your stance on things.  This time, however, I'm tending to agree with Max and LDR.  Having an active profile gives implied consent (as I understand it.)  People have a right to be who they are, even if who they are is wanker, troll or Assanine DumDom (picture a DumDum sucker with a man's head for the lollipop and his dick for the stick).

Sorry, I digress.  My point is that I don't really consider it forced participation without consent.  A waste of bandwidth, yes.  A waste of time, yes.  I may not agree with a person's viewpoint, but I respect their right to be a waste of skin.   It just doesn't seem to me that you are participating unless you respond.  Personally, I ignore and delete.  If the unsolicited email is vulgar or plain rude and mean, I block (which has only happened rarely.)   Or, I use it as journal fodder.  I rather find it amusing, if not ironic, that my muse sometimes comes dressed as a DumDom or Twanker (what I call the troll wankers who send me cock-pics as a greeting.)  Occaisionally, I cringe at the venom of some who feel the need to write me to verbally assault me, and I have to fight the urge to delete my profile to keep from subjecting others without their consent to my ugliness and ignorance (insert shameless ploy for validation here).

Seriously though, I understand why the email might have been offensive to you.  Sometimes all we can do is shake our head and move on to the next muse in our mailbox.

I look forward to more posts from you.

Best wishes,
Winsome

(in reply to Dari)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Forced participation without consent - 7/12/2008 9:51:36 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I shrug, delete, and don't give it another thought.  It is up to me to decide how I'm going to feel about stuff like that, and whether or not I'm going to allow it to bother me.  I am only included in their relationship if I allow my feelings to go there.  Otherwise, it's just a goofy email and has zero impact on my day or my life.

Kinda like going to a ball game and getting mad at everyone yelling, ya know?

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 20
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