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RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 5:04:07 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
When I'm the one in control, I tell the person the results I want and any important parts that need to occur along the way.  The specific "how to" of it is irrelevant to me, unless they need help or there is only one way to get something done.

Or like Master is fond of saying about what goes on at His job: "Don't tell me about the labor pains, just show me the baby."  I personally love that method.  In my job as an assistant manager, I make sure my co-workers know that there may be 10 appropriate ways to do something and all of them are great.  It doesn't matter to me which they choose as long as the end result is a job well done.  I think that's what bosses like you spoke of fail to realize.  There is more than one way to do a good job and still get the right end result.............luci

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(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 5:43:17 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

i truly wish this term didnt have such negative connotation, but with the nutballs how could it not.


Indeed. I was thinking the very same thing as I read this. GMTA

PL


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 7:48:54 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It's a concept I get tired of seeing in such a bad light.  While there are mis-matches with the level of management needed and given (Windchymes said it best), it's often just another term used to insult each other with, much like robot, doormat, et. al.

Here's the deal with me.  When I first hooked up with Mr. Wonderful, he managed me in fairly good detail, because I needed it and he didn't mind doing it because he enjoyed the return.  I wasn't an idiot - I had been misdirected most of my life and needed to find my way back to the starting line.  He helped me do that.

Like Softness, lots of people would say I'm micromanaged, even today.  Go them!  My days are extremely full, doing things he requires.  I have a bathroom schedule, a sleeping schedule, a writing assignment schedule, nightly rituals, daily journals (in addition to other writing assignments), online office work for him, travel coordinating, meditation time, and then of course, the "dance" performances that occur 2-4 times a week, requiring "reports" afterward.  That's just the stuff I can think of off the top of my head.  In the Fall I'll be adding "going back to school" to this, as well.  And I'm starting my own business, doing consulting work for two other companies, and writing a book.

He decides how my hair is done.  He decides my schedule each week.  He decided to allow me a kitty when I asked for a pet.  And so on.

Micromanaging?  No.  I see it as being involved and enjoying it.  And I love it, too.  And yes, I really do have a brain.



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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:10:07 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		i've found that the only people who wanted to micro-manage anyone, were the ones with too much money for their own good,  were bored out of their freaking gord, and, could never possibly live up to the standards i would expect of someone that i was giving that much control over to, but that's just me.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:14:47 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowcd

I have only recently heard of this term, though I suppose have always known about the various aspects of control involved.    I'm curious what other people think of it in it's various degree's.   I really don't know that much about it other then the basic concept.


Every little action you do is supervised and carefully watched.  The perspective is on the small picture (almost all the small pictures!)... rather than the big giant larger and fewer pictures!  Typically very little trust is given to the person performing all the actions.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:22:27 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

i've found that the only people who wanted to micro-manage anyone, were the ones with too much money for their own good,  were bored out of their freaking gord, and, could never possibly live up to the standards i would expect of someone that i was giving that much control over to, but that's just me.


Interesting take on it, being such an absolute statement and all.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:33:35 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Interesting take on it, being such an absolute statement and all.


you take things much too personally...

notice all the {i's} in my post; they're there for a reason.  plus, i read both yours and softnesses responses, and goodie for you that it works for you, though it doesn't change the way {i} feel about it and the people {i've} encountered, nor the fact that they couldn't uphold a standard of conduct that {i} felt was deserving of someone who was trying to take such an absolute authority position over me.  i stand by my words.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:49:04 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I gotta say, the kitty was the best choice :)

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:51:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds
notice all the {i's} in my post; they're there for a reason.  plus, i read both yours and softnesses responses, and goodie for you that it works for you, though it doesn't change the way {i} feel about it and the people {i've} encountered, nor the fact that they couldn't uphold a standard of conduct that {i} felt was deserving of someone who was trying to take such an absolute authority position over me.  i stand by my words.

Saying "I think you suck" is no different than saying "You suck"

The fact is that you've got a fair number of people showing characteristics completely opposite your personal experience.  So you can either say we're all denying our true character and lying a lot, or that your own personal experience is limited in this regards and perhaps your judgement should be a bit more open to new information.

You sound like someone saying "In my experience, I find all white people really hate cracklins"

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(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 9:56:49 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


fair enough; micro-management sucks, i stand by my opinion; you can translate it any way you like and anyone who doesn't like my opinion can feel free to kiss my ever-loven ass!  feel better now

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 10:16:54 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I would  agree that you must have limited experience, and experience is the key. I understand that you believe no one could possibly manage you better, to a higher standard that you can manage yourself. You could not possibly know (like have justified true belief) that there is NO ONE in the world of BDSM that could manage you better than you manage yourself.

I have the knowledge that there is, as does Owner girlie, as does LA, as does all the others who have said it is a good thing.  
That does not stop us from being everything that you are ... just means we are everything that you are ... managed by someone of even higher calibre than ourselves. Possibly if you didn't have such an absolutist view on this you would be able to share our experience.



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(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 10:20:44 PM   
MisterBeast


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		I think really you have to ask where is the line drawn from it being good posative attention that causes you to better your life, to being an overbearing ass hat that crushes your self esteem and makes you feel signifigant like thumbilina. 

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 10:25:20 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness


see, there you go translating things to say what you want them to say;  no where did i say that i feel that someone couldn't manage me to a higher standard that i manage myself...

i said ' they couldn't uphold a standard of conduct that i felt was deserving of someone who was trying to take such an absolute authority position over me'.  big difference! 

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 10:50:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Interesting take on it, being such an absolute statement and all.


you take things much too personally...

Where did you get that I took it personally?  Because I thought it was an interesting take?  Actually I think someone spouting "kiss my ever-loven ass" is taking things personally and closing off conversation, but hey.

quote:


notice all the {i's} in my post; they're there for a reason.  plus, i read both yours and softnesses responses, and goodie for you that it works for you, though it doesn't change the way {i} feel about it and the people {i've} encountered, nor the fact that they couldn't uphold a standard of conduct that {i} felt was deserving of someone who was trying to take such an absolute authority position over me.  i stand by my words.


Well, LA already said what I was going to say on it.  "I have found that only...blah blah blah..." means it's a finding, therefore a statement of fact, and the "only" is an absolute.  I merely pointed it out.  I have no desire to kiss your ass, though, but thanks for the invitation.

Your findings tell me your experience with micromanagers is limited to just those kind of people.  And hey there's nothing wrong with that.  I'm just trying to share that there's another kind of micromanager - the kind that does so because his/her slave might need it at the time.  Sometimes micromanaging is more selfless than selfish.

If people don't want to accept that as a possibility, no skin off my nose.  But it's my opinion that wearing blinders is intentionally limiting one's knowledge and perspective.  Go you.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 7/8/2008 11:35:31 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Micro management - 7/8/2008 11:31:18 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I gotta say, the kitty was the best choice :)


LOL I Just noticed this!  He met the little guy on cam tonight, it was cute.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Micro management - 7/9/2008 1:25:19 AM   
MsValentine


Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline 		I didn't know much about the term really other than than it's basic dictionary definition which is "to manage or control with excessive attention to minor details".

I am only going to answer this from my experience and perspective as it seems this subject gets some quite passionate responses. This is not surprising as if some subs live happily under a regime of micromanagement, they will be happy, extol its virtues and not see it as excessive in any way. Others may feel they have been psychologically damaged by such a form of control. However, as we know, all things in bdsm work on the 'horses for courses' principle. I am not making any comments on how others do things, just on what I do. There, now the disclaimer is done with.

I think I may well be an extreme mix of micro-manager and very relaxed authority figure in my relationships. Some areas of my sub's life are managed very strictly. His sexual life is completely under my control. However, every day he goes to work wearing a butt plug which he wears until around lunchtime or when it becomes uncomfortable. I don't say he must wear it for a certain amount of hours, just that he must wear it at some point every day.

What he wears is both managed and not managed, if that makes sense. He goes off to work wearing a suit, shirt and tie, suitable attire for the MD of a company but his choice of exactly which suit, shirt, tie are not managed by me. When he comes home, my tight management takes over and he wear nothing but a plain white t shirt when in the house.

I don't tend to impose many rituals upon paul and rituals can be seen as a process of strict management. However, I do have rules and quite a few of them. So he doesn't come in each night and go through a greeting ritual say but he will break a rule if he leaves papers down on the kitchen surfaces as in my house the kitchen is for kitchen, food and drink stuff only.

I think paul would find micromanagement an humiliation, a sign that I did not trust him to serve me well using his initiative. As I do not enjoy relentless high protocol service, I would day in day out find tighter management of him, a chore for myself and possibly damaging to our smoothly ordered dynamic. I would put him under a regime of micromanagement if I wanted a challenging punishment. Lists of extra requirements, schedules for every part of his day and much more checking on my part would leave him edgy, hemmed in and feeling undermined. So what would be comforting to others would be harmful to my sub if carried on for too long.

I am also interested in what people see is the difference between having a lot of rules and micro-management? Is it just the end result or both that and the process of service and obedience which matters?






(in reply to shadowcd)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Micro management - 7/9/2008 1:47:38 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		there are overbearing ass hats that just shouldnt have a dern thing to do with humanity. they often beat others down in order to control thier lives. ie abuse.

but on the other hand i have seen relationships with that were microed to the an intensive degree. one included a huge amount of psychological domination, rewiring if you will. this is what both parties wanted and needed though. shoot it is what some of us seek. it is a level of control that is subtle to some degree, outright in others.

in a healthy dynamic neither party can be deficient. maybe it is a situation that truly is a love-hate thing. you either get it or you dont.

lee

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Micro management - 7/9/2008 1:55:28 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firstslaveca

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowcd
I know when I start a new job I like to be micro-managed at the start but once I know how to do something I prefer to be left alone to do what I know.  


i think this is a good analogy and there is probably more micromanagement going on in the initial stages of any relationship until they work out what is expected, like Calla Firestorm mentioned that she trains with the motive that micromanagement is not necessary eventually, it hopefully eventually slips into the natural phase of knowing what ones Dominant likes/expects and being self motivated to make Her happy.


This resonates with a previous post on this subject.  I'm actually shocked by the number of people this time around that are not so against micro management.  At least see the value in it as a tool even. 

(in reply to firstslaveca)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Micro management - 7/9/2008 1:58:32 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


fair enough; micro-management sucks, i stand by my opinion; you can translate it any way you like and anyone who doesn't like my opinion can feel free to kiss my ever-loven ass!  feel better now



I'll take you up on the offer!  Just place your hands on the table now and bend over.  By the way, I've been known to bite at times too.

Gee, I guess you're the type of girl that would hate me picking out what kewl panties to wear for the day.  Damn, Damn, Damn... 

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Micro management - 7/9/2008 6:31:41 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		micro-management to me mean being non-independent in your daily life while submissive/slave.

basically it wouldn't work for me. i was raise to be independent/self-efficient not having to depend on someone constantly telling/reminding me to do things. 

and taking into consideration how busy Daddy's daily schedule is, micro-management definitely wouldn't work within our D/s dynamic.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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