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abcbsex -> RE: Have you changed? (7/5/2008 12:42:56 PM)
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These days I can stand up and give presentations, talk to people I don't know, defend myself in an argument, make a point in debate... just three years ago I wouldn't recognize my present self. I think it had to do with changing schools my senior year of high school. I realized that none of the petty social interactions, none of the judgments people make really matter in the long run, and stopped caring about what people said behind my back (being called a lesbian like it's a bad thing will do that) and I stopped being shy. I made friends at an alarming rate. Entering college, I started to feel beautiful for the first time, and it had nothing to do with looks.
Some of the friends I had in my school days have distanced themselves lately. I think it's because I'm not the same friend I was to them (the one they could step on/ignore/roll their eyes at) so many years ago. A good example of that is my friend wanted me to come visit her in CT, but was unwilling to visit me here in SC... I went when it was convenient for me (another friend going to PA), but she got pissy that I didn't stay longer. I shrugged my shoulders at the situation and let her know that my apartment's open for whenever she wants to stop by. I used to take a 5 hour bus ride to see this friend once a month back in school, and I think it set up a precedent. It seemed to jar her that I wasn't willing to put everything out there for her. When I was younger, this situation would have me incredibly upset about possibly never seeing her again... but now it gets a "meh".
I feel happier now. I'm grounded in a way that my anxious self could have never imagined. I don't expect things out of people and I let myself be pleasantly surprised. It happens a lot [:)]
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