Probably a stupid question....

Probably a stupid question.... (Full Version)

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GentlemanBobIII -> Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 4:33:00 PM)
which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am I missing something? -Bob

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 4:37:13 PM)
It's definitely incorrect to say that all domination by any group is sensual except "sensual domination." Usually it means that the person is more into pleasure, touching, service, than they are into pain and marking.

GentlemanBobIII -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 5:48:02 PM)
Thank you for your response. I meant that on some level it's sensual to the slave because he desires and enjoys the abuse and the domme enjoys giving it, or else what would be the point of engaging in it at all? Again maybe I'm missing something. I seem to do that a lot in when it comes to BDSM topics and understanding it all. -Bob

mistoferin -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 6:09:40 PM)
I love pain but I don't see the pain that is inflicted by my Dominant as "abuse". Actually, I would not be in a relationship where "abuse" was part of the dynamic.

fluffyswitch -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 6:47:09 PM)
i've been with a couple of sensual doms and am friendly with a few as well-- their stance is that they like to pleasure their subs as well as inflict pain. my current dom likes to reward me for being good during a session so i get petted and what not. i imagine though like most things it varies from person to person.

lovingpet -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 7:11:50 PM)
In the OP's defense, I doubt he understands the distinction you are making. I am relatively certain he simply meant, the pain play or what have you of BDSM. For the OP's clarification, folks tend to take offense to the use of the word "abuse" in terms of BDSM play. Part of this is because this consentual play is regarded as such by many law enforcement sectors. As a matter of fact, if "abuse" is suspected arrests and convictions can often be made without the "victim" pressing charges or being willing to testify. More importantly, there is a conscious effort by respected members of this community to not commit abuse. This is the hurt vs harm axiom. Though we may hurt or be hurt, nothing should be done that results in intentional and possibly irreversible harm to either party (yes Dom/mes can be harmed in play as well). The lines get blurry on some areas such as marking and other issues, but the intent remains. There are numerous articles defining the difference between abuse and BDSM, some you will find yourself in agreement and others not and your response is valid for you. I hope this clarifies before any further misunderstanding can occur. I wish the OP well on this new and exciting journey. Well wishes, lovingpet

GentlemanBobIII -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 8:10:22 PM)
My apologies to all. Some days I can't do Anything right. Here I go offending people by my word usage. I finally figured out why people were calling me OP instead of by my name OP is short for Original Poster, right? Anyway, yes I am sorry if I offended anyone. To me, no offense to those who play rough, but welts and bruises and open cuts(markings of a semi-permanent nature) I would consider abuse. I do realize that for some this is part of the play though. I was reading in another forum how the domme treats the wounds commonly recieved in thecourse of play. I guess I am just not ready for that level of BDSM. By the same token I realize not all aspects of bdsm leaves these marks. In any case, thank you for making me aware I will try to be more sensitive to those who are into rougher play in future posts and not use trigger words like abuse. I am sorry. -Bob

lovingpet -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 8:21:54 PM)
I hope you did not feel blasted by my post. I just wanted to clarify some things that are important in the community. We were all new once, and I am fairly new myself. Welcome and all the best lovingpet

mistoferin -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 8:24:17 PM)
No need for apologies, no offense was taken. It is a hot button word though so it is best to have an understanding of the differences between abuse and WIITWD (what it is that we do).

Shadow-tiger -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 9:11:55 PM)
Huh, there's a name for playing softie? Learn something new every day. I seriously thought I was just a weirdo and a light weight all these years. [;)]

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/3/2008 9:14:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII Which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am I missing something? -Bob I would say there's no such thing as "regular" domination. Sensual domination is, to my mind, somewhat opposite of sadistic domination. Sadistic domination mostly involves a lot of pain. Sensual domination mostly involves other physical sensations.

LadyPact -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 7:13:24 AM)
The above is exactly why I term Myself as a sensual sadist. Thank you for the interesting read.

ProtagonistLily -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 7:17:11 AM)
quote: which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Bob, I've been in the scene over 10 years now and I'm not even I don't know the differance. quote: Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am I missing something? I've bottomed to both genders and I regret to inform you, if you think female Tops are all sensual in nature, you are in for a very bumpy ride. PL

Maxwell67 -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 7:32:21 AM)
There is very definately such a thing as sensual sadism in domination. The submissives I have played with have all enjoyed the mixing of tender touching, kisses and caresses, even the use of araomatherapy alongside the sting of the crop or the thump of the paddle. What is more after a few good whacks, they are both more and less sensitive, if I softly blow my breath across a raising welt, I am rewarded with the most delightful moans of pleasure. [;)]

came4U -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 8:37:15 AM)
Sensual Dominants take a gal to candlelit dinner first, talks firmly yet gently, being a gentleman as he holds her hand... ...then takes her home and whips (or not) her to his content. A Sadistic Dominant..makes her make dinner at home, drips the candlewax on her as her hands are cuffed or bound. then he whips her to his content. lol

dcnovice -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 8:50:16 AM)
<fast reply> Fwiw, your question didn't seem at all stupid to me. But then, I'm a newbie too. Good luck with your journey into WIITWD!

metalmiss -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 1:28:42 PM)
In my opinion "sensual play" involves touching, teasing, a bloody good mind fuck.. That kind of thing. As for pain play, you call it abuse, i call it fun.. Each to their own innit [;)]

fungasm -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 1:36:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GentlemanBobIII which everyone else already knows the answer to, but I claim Newbie Ignorance as my defense. LOL Ok What is the difference between "Sensual" domination and regular domination in the context of how they are used here? Isn't all domination by a woman sensual in nature, or am I missing something? -Bob Sensual Domination- particularly in the context of those who get paid by the hour- is one of those code words that lets you know that you are allowed to have a sexual reaction during the domination, and there is, quite possibly, a "happy ending" (ie an orgasm) for you somewhere in the session. "Regular" Domination is often used to denote those mistresses who do not permit any sexual overtones to their sessions. Which I feel is very much like having a birthday cake with no icing, no candles, no balloons and no goofy people who love you singing "happy birthday". Sure it is symbolic of something- but what's the point? Alison

eyesopened -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 1:44:05 PM)
It is a common misconception that BDSM is all about D and S and M. It's not. i've met a plethora of Dominants whose play involved no pain whatsoever. i've met Dominants who are strictly into bondage and require nothing more than a willing model. i've met Dominants who seek strictly domestic and personal service such as haircuts, shoe shining, ironing, bathing, manicure, pedicure, etc. i've met Dominants for whom a mind-fuck is the most exciting of all activities. A sensual Dominant, in my experience is one who seeks a variety of physical and mental stimulation that isn't all about how much pain they can deliver. Not all Dominants are Sadists, not all submissives or slaves are masochists. Not all play is about pain. However, it is NEVER about abuse, in the soul-sucking, emotionally damaging sense of the word.

Maxwell67 -> RE: Probably a stupid question.... (7/4/2008 2:02:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened It is a common misconception that BDSM is all about D and S and M. It's not. i've met a plethora of Dominants whose play involved no pain whatsoever. i've met Dominants who are strictly into bondage and require nothing more than a willing model. i've met Dominants who seek strictly domestic and personal service such as haircuts, shoe shining, ironing, bathing, manicure, pedicure, etc. i've met Dominants for whom a mind-fuck is the most exciting of all activities. A sensual Dominant, in my experience is one who seeks a variety of physical and mental stimulation that isn't all about how much pain they can deliver. Not all Dominants are Sadists, not all submissives or slaves are masochists. Not all play is about pain. However, it is NEVER about abuse, in the soul-sucking, emotionally damaging sense of the word. I agree completely with this and just want to add that even those of us that do mix pain into our pleasure do net neccesarily have to (or even want to) have that as a component in every session, or even every relationship for that matter. I think there are a lot of dominants out there, male and female, who simply want to dominate thier partners by whatever means those partners feel safe letting them do as long as the experience is pleasureable to all involved. I have had wonderful evenings with partners, even masochists, in which there was no pain inflicted at all. Variety is the spice of life, otherwise your playtime loses it's intensity.

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