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RE: Internal work - 7/4/2008 1:19:08 AM

MasterFireMaam

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My first comment has to do with the quoted part. If you're expecting someone else to do your introspection for you, you don't understand the meaning of introspection. It cannot, by definition, be done for you.

I feel that, if we want to be enlightened, whatever that means to you, we must do this introspection. I feel our partners can help set up atmospheres where this is easier to do. However, many are happy not knowing and many are happy not having to put forth the effort. It aggravates me, too, but there it is.

Master Fire

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RE: Internal work - 7/4/2008 4:16:10 AM

oblige

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I find "discovering oneself" is a lifelong and constantly evolving process influenced by many things including one's culture, society, experiences, perhaps genetic tendencies and definitely a developmental thing. Who I am today in my 40's is different than it was in my 20's and 30's. Who I "think" I am is often not who other's see me as. One who thinks they know themselves at any age, are likely discover later there is always more, and people change, sometimes slowly, often punctuated by rapid shifts.

Definining self discovery as an ardous or long process, or saying one lacks depth if they seem not too self aware, or if they make mistakes in relationships choices dismisses the highly contextual and personal naure of "knowing oneself." To me, not engaging in relationships in order to "find oneself" seems to sometimes be counterproductive. Though, hopping form one relationship to another always seeking satisfaction outside of oneself on the other hand is not the best either.

Yes, some introsepction can be very good prior to embarking on any relationship. Looking within and spending time with the contents discovered can definitley be helpful to a bdsm relationship. Yet, without relationships and the "mirrors" they provide, all the time and introspectioon in the world will not prepare one for any relationship. Balance is key here.

Just a side note: You spoke of denial. As I understand it, denial means one is unconscious fo something--a behavior or addiction or thought process or___. Thus, to me when one is in denial, they are not being lazy or blissfully ignorant. It is not until they become conscious of what they were in denial about that they can do anything about it.

I definitley agree some self awareness and some level of being true to oneself is bound to improve one's sucess prior to embarking on a significant primary relationship. Thanks for the good topic, and be well, ~oblige

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RE: Internal work - 7/4/2008 5:25:05 AM

mettadas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheGaggingWh0re

There are a lot of variables that effect how your personal growth feels to you. I wouldn't rely solely on effort as a measure toward my own growth.

Nor would I, not at all. Growth is inevitable. I was only saying that well directed effort can help the process along quite considerably.

quote:

And I hope you didn't envision me going, "Grow! Now damnit!", as I'm assuming is what you mean, 'cause that is far from the truth

Obviously I know almost nothing about your journey, so I don't know if you've been there. I have though.

quote:

quote:

Simple steps like spending less time with the distractions we use to avoid thinking uncomfortable thoughts can be very productive.

That all depends.

It always does. :)

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RE: Internal work - 7/4/2008 5:42:39 AM

MasterHermes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

There is also another factor that will likely be far less popular to mention but I really believe that it is what prevents many from this process. They simply are not capable of that kind of depth. They don't possess the vocabulary....or enough understanding of that vocabulary to really analyze "who am I?". They may think that they do. You may hear someone say something like "I am a person of integrity"....but they have no real understanding of what "integrity"is or how to apply it to their life. Or they will say things like "I'm happy"....but can't define that any further. They may have a tendency to always choose a certain kind of partner that always turns out to be wrong for them....but they can't figure out their motivations for doing such or how to change that. Sometimes it's simply a matter of an inability to visual the big picture. "Who am I, who do I want to be, what do I desire and what will I have to change about myself to make my experience in this life the most fulfilling that it can be?"

Relationships with others are far more rewarding when we know ourselves. But if we never take the time to find out who we are...we end up never realizing that we really are a square peg and we go on continuing to try to smash ourselves into round holes....and wondering why we just can't get it to work. If we take that time to get to know who we ARE and then remain true to ourselves based on that knowledge....a whole lot of the bumps in the road simply disappear. It really is worth the effort and can make all the difference between a lifetime of happiness....or a miserable existence.

There is a problem. They will read what you say and still will not be able to internalize it , if they are in a position you described at the first point. The person who already knows it, knows it. The person who doesn't understand, will not understand.

On the other hand, thousands of years ago there was one sentence engraved entrance of the Delphi Temple "Know Yourself"

If that was going to happen today we would be living in a different world.

Hermes

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RE: Internal work - 7/4/2008 6:25:22 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
I don't think a person needs to fully know him/herself before entering a relationship. Sure, it makes it more convenient and can save a lot of stress and hassle, but for some people, the right relationship is exactly the right path for them, and they're willing to work their asses off to get there.

For me, this "right relationship" I'm now in is what helped me to more "fully know" myself. I was pretty self-aware before but it's only been since meeting Him that I've become the most self-aware I've ever been. If I'd waited until I fully "knew myself" BEFORE entering the relationship, I'd still be waiting

. Make any sense? Basically what I'm saying is that some people never do "fully" know themselves until they're already IN a relationship that helps them to better do so. At least that's how it worked for me..............luci

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