RE: That lightbulb moment

RE: That lightbulb moment (Full Version)

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slaveluci -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 2:07:28 PM)
~FR~ As alot of others have said, I'm not sure I ever felt it was "wrong" because the desires have seemingly always been with me. I did feel like it was going to be impossible to meet someone who would understand and share with me what I desired to do. In college, I had the opportunity to spend the night with an older guy I'd always been hot for. Before I had the chance to broach the subject, so to speak, of what I fantasized about, he headed that direction. When he grabbed a handful of my hair and slapped my face so hard I saw stars all while verbally humiliating me for being such a slut, I had found nirvana[image]http://www.collarchat.com/upfiles/smiley/hyper.gif[/image]. I never dreamed he was into it rough and when I discovered that, not only he, but alot of other guys were too....well, then I knew I had found some kindred spirits[;)]. I never was in a D/s or M/s relationship, however, until Master and I met. Now it's all the kink plus soooo much more on a deeper level. How could any of it be "wrong?". Impossible!...............luci

DesFIP -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 2:10:16 PM)
It never seemed to me as though there was anything out of the ordinary with what I wanted. Of course, I did grow up on one of Fire Island's gay communities so compared to most of the people there, I'm distressingly normal.

sasseeNshy -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 2:13:50 PM)
Thought provoking indeed.......personally, I still struggle.......there is this world I live in.......and then there is me. A conflict I continue to fight......a "lightbulb" would be more than welcome, thankfully I can be patient (at times).

Missokyst -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 3:05:21 PM)
LOL Yes I knew that! I am surprised you didnt gloam on to it being me. LOL I was always an overwordy doofus. Andei quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop wait... Andei? <- agonyisecstasy

ChainedExistence -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 3:18:00 PM)
No light bulb moment for me...Years and years of feeling different but having no labels for how I felt, an experience or hint of something here or there that sparked my interest even more, a period of secretly reading any posts I could find on the old Prodigy message boards,( but being too intimidated to post anything myself), and then finally actually WRITING to people in the aol chatrooms (seems quite a few of you were there, too!), reading books and talking to anyone I could find who had information to offer. It took me years and years to admit that I needed guidance and direction to feel at home in my own skin. I wouldn't say I was entirely comfortable though until I was in a committed relationship. I didn't have to please the world- I only had to please one person who understood how to bring out the best in me, and let my freakiness feel "normal." Edited to add <---smalltowngal, nthrall2u if anyone remembers those

Griswold -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 4:50:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us. When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term [8D] Did someone help you see the light? Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually? Yes, it came about gradually...in increments...a few "AHA!" moments...several crying jags....lot's of "why me?...how did I get here?" moments.... I wish I could be "normal". As a male sub, particularly an executive in the white collar world, I can't assume a lot of things. I can't post my photo as an example, because in my position, it'd be seen as "less than". Another example of how women control the game (and they do). A sub woman can post her photo, and if she's seen by local men who know her...she's hot (for reasons men understand, even if women don't)....if a woman posts her photo and she's Domme....forget about it....every man that (claims) to find that offensive....will be on her doorstep....and every man who finds that appealing....will....uhhhhhh....be on her doorstep. That lightbulb was all the more difficult for me....as a man, I have to be the aggressor...a little difficult to do in a vanilla church environment, even as I want someone to build a future and a past with. "Excuse me...can you hand me the hymnal please? Say....uhhhmmm...nice shoes by the way....there's a church picnic coming up next month...at the beach....how would you feel if I picked you up, we go for a nice afternoon walk....and then.....I sit at your feet for the bulk of the afternoon while you stick your toes in my mouth?" (Doesn't go over well...there...or in a bar). Being a male sub is a lot of work....

gypsygrl -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:03:46 PM)
Its been gradual and on ongoing, something along the lines of a two step forwards one step backwards kind of process. Sometimes, other people help me get a good perspective on things or give me a new way to frame things, other times they make things worse and encourage my doubts.

GreedyTop -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:10:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst LOL Yes I knew that! I am surprised you didnt gloam on to it being me. LOL I was always an overwordy doofus. Andei quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop wait... Andei? <- agonyisecstasy well shitfire, woman!! why didnt ya hit me up???????????????? TACKLEGROPELICKSMOOCH!!!!!

Huntertn -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:13:50 PM)
Like everyone else I had my ups and downs as a young adult..later in the service while overseas I was invited to a Household..and I was home thereafter...

Level -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:18:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Griswold I wish I could be "normal". Seriously? You'd "turn it off" if you could, Gris? quote: As a male sub, particularly an executive in the white collar world, I can't assume a lot of things. I understand that. You see it out "there", and you see it "here", that male submissives are on the bottom of the totem pole, fairly often. It goes hand in hand with a thread Lady Pact started this morning, about dominants showing "weakness".... as tough as it may be for all dominants, men have it worse.

Lumus -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:25:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I would guess that many of us kinky types experienced, way back when, some doubts as to the "rightness" or "normalcy" of our particular kinks, what with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us. When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? Okay being a relative term [8D] Did someone help you see the light? Or, were you like me, and it just kind of came about gradually? When I walked out of my own ashes. Amazing what a good teacher like life will burn away from you. Very liberating.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:33:53 PM)
It's been gradual for me, an unfolding thing. I've had moments lately where I've let shitty parts of myself out and had them gratefully received -- that was a lightbulb moment for me. It was gorgeous to have it be a positive thing for my submissive counterpart. I feel like, several years in, that I'm able to integrate my core self and my D/s interests, and it's been a good thing. Mss

Missokyst -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:36:02 PM)
lick

Griswold -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:36:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: Griswold I wish I could be "normal". Seriously? You'd "turn it off" if you could, Gris? If I could. quote: As a male sub, particularly an executive in the white collar world, I can't assume a lot of things. I understand that. You see it out "there", and you see it "here", that male submissives are on the bottom of the totem pole, fairly often. It goes hand in hand with a thread Lady Pact started this morning, about dominants showing "weakness".... as tough as it may be for all dominants, men have it worse. Ayepper.

TreasureKY -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:44:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level ... with society spending vast amounts of time frowning upon us. When did you have that "lightbulb moment", when something clicked inside of you and you knew that you were okay? An interesting question, Level. [:D] For me, I honestly can't say that I ever felt like I was wrong or that society frowned upon me. Then again, I'm not a hard core masochist, nor are my kinks terribly out there. For the most part, the thing that has held the greatest appeal to me is acceptable by society... or at least was acceptable to society in the not too distant past: being in deference to a strong, capable man who takes charge. Of course, my interests go a little beyond that, but heck... in that same not too distant past, it wasn't uncommon for movies to have scenes where a woman was thrown over a man's knee and spanked. And perfectly acceptable romance novels have always had heroines being taken "forcably" by men who eventually become the beloved heroes. I grew up seeing and reading those things, so I didn't feel odd. Well... I might have thought I was a little more... cough passionate than the average woman depicted, but, after all, I'm an above average woman. [;)]

Level -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:53:36 PM)
Yes, you certainly are, Treasure [:D] By the way, I appreciate all the answers; I think it's cool that so many haven't had a hard time with this.

chickpea -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 5:57:41 PM)
No lightbulb, when first exploring the lifestyle I noticed how articulately and intelligently some people discussed the lifestyle. It made me see that there's another way to do things, if not mainstream...

lusciouslips19 -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 6:01:18 PM)
I was afraid that I was going to be harmed or injured by a dom even though I had a desire to submit. I was very fearful of what kind of jepardy I would put myself in. My aha moment came as I was doing deep tissue massage on a client. I was using a 10 point pain scale with them and was very aware of their every move, and making sure they were within there pain limits. I said, "oh my, this is service oriented but I am in control but they are really in charge of the session, Kinda like a Good Dominant would be". Thats when I realized that the good masters were ethical, caring and would not put me in harms way. It was a true aha moment that alleviated my fear.

MaamJay -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 6:04:25 PM)
It was fairly gradual overall, but I think the main lightbulb came early on. A guy I met on a vanilla chatsite suggested I would be a good Domme and would I Domme him? It touched something inside ... so I went on a little self-education program and got into it. One day he was being naughty ... so I bet if he heard My voice, he'd behave. He didn't expect Me to phone the USA from Aus LOL ... so was gobsmacked when I did. I put on My best "teacher voice" ... and I heard him drop to his knees! (The muffled thud and resultant OW was a dead giveaway!). That was pretty awesome in itself ... but the lightbulb really came on when later he said "Wow! You can control me from half a world away!" That's when I thought ... not only does this reflect how I feel inside ... hell, I can do it on the outside too! And from then on, no looking back! Had another mini lightbulb moment when I realised that real people actually live this real time ... and I COULD TOO! That felt SO good! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

TreasureKY -> RE: That lightbulb moment (6/29/2008 6:06:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Yes, you certainly are, Treasure [:D] Why thank you, Level. whispering By the way, it takes an above average man to see that. [;)]

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