I'll do anything you say, just do it my way

I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (Full Version)

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lovepuppy -> I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/27/2008 11:42:21 PM)
Ok all together now.. "hold the pickles hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us, all we ask is let us serve it your way" this is to the middlin' folks, who don't consider themselves all that hardcore, kind of the bridge and tunnel crowd of the board...I'm not excluding the hardcore folks just you alreayd know the answer so it's like cheating. but when you get a sub, or are a sub who is topping from the bottom, how do YOU handle it...this isn't a race to have the best answer, just a place to share your stories and maybe help some folks out who are running into this for the first time who might be a little nervous about copping to this happening in thier relationships cuz it seems un-domly...for myself I think the big bozo shoes and huge foam finger already ruin my domliesqueness..(it's a word damnit) (now). For msyelf when it happens, but accident or design, I just stop the car have her move over and say "you know where we're going, you get us there"...

Leatherist -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/27/2008 11:45:38 PM)
Tsk tsk tsk. Many subs are FAR more evil than WE are. The really amusing part is when you let them top from the bottom. And take it a bit further. Ask the girls here-they can tell you ALL about it-and how well it cures that tendency. [;)]

wwwkevinww -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 12:49:23 AM)
There are lots of different ways of handling it. You can see it for what it is, call them on it with a smirk, and continue with what your doing...... If someone tells me they love this and this and this, and then think I'm going to start being domly by doing exactly what they want, they are smoking something and I want a hit off of it vicariously. Its too predictable, and thus really isn't fun for anyone.... You might find out vaguely what they like, but your the one making the scene, they are there for the ride. Every time I kiss a girl, she doesn't know how to kiss. I have to teach every girl I kiss how I like it, and eventually it gets more pleasurable. Kissing a girl for the first time is fun, but is always improvable, because I know she is going need to be told how to do it right. The same is true with dominance. I don't mind listening to her past experiences and what she thinks she likes and doesn't like. What we do is based mostly on what I want, within reason, and she is along for the ride.....I will certainly tailor the ride to some degree to try to have her have fun, but I'm certainly not going to tailor the ride so its predictable.....because that isn't fun....... Afterward you can always talk about what worked and didn't work that well, and tailor the ride more to even higher heights of enjoyment...........or build a whole new ride with different things to enjoy..... And just because a girl thinks she knows what submissive is supposed to be and what not, doesn't mean she knows what its like to be my submissive. Anyhows, I digress....I was going to point out the variety of ways to deal with the same issue, but got bored with that entire thought process...... Every Dom handles the same issue different ways, and as long as the issue is handled appropriately and doesn't keep happening, that is what matters...... If you are letting the sub call the shots from the bottom, you end up just both being switches......

ProtagonistLily -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 6:40:03 AM)
quote: You might find out vaguely what they like, but your the one making the scene, they are there for the ride. Someone really needs to go back to Dom school I think..... quote: If you are letting the sub call the shots from the bottom, you end up just both being switches...... While I would agree with the word "all" in the above, what about 'some'? Does that still make everyone a switch? I am often amused by aboslutes like in this post. I tend to think that the more absolutes posted, the less real world experience had by the poster ~shrug~ PL

DesFIP -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 8:23:27 AM)
I can only top from the bottom if he allows it. I can ask, beg, plead, demand etc but unless he decides that he wants to do whatever I ask, then it won't happen. The word no is in his vocabulary. He doesn't get thrown into a tizzy if I'm so lost in feeling that I can't remember to say "Oh great domly one, may this your insignificant nothing please be permitted one small orgasm". He rather likes it if all I can do is moan "please, please, please". It shows that I'm totally in the moment which isn't so when I articulate polished and pretty phrases. And he's quite capable of saying no or not yet. Me telling him what I feel and what I want is information only. Despite how it comes out of my mouth, I still don't have the ability to magically untie myself and force him to do what I want, it's up to him. Thankfully he isn't so insecure as to think that me telling him what's in my mind, instead of expecting him to be able to read my mind, is somehow taking away his power.

LadyPact -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 8:36:29 AM)
It's simple, really. I do what I like to do. Every now and again, that might match up with something the bottom wants to do as well. I do take input, but I don't take commands. That includes the passive aggressive type as well. If a bottom tells Me that they enjoy a certain activity, that's good. I can file that information away for a later date. If they tell Me on and on about enjoying a certain activity, that future date gets further and further down the road. The exception to this rule is any post scene discussion about something that we have recently done. As said above, it might be used for the next 'ride' or improved on down the road. I generally don't have issues with anyone topping from the bottom. If there's an attempt, it's usually easily solved by a good hair pull and a whisper in the ear of, "Exactly who's in control around here?"

LadyHibiscus -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 8:44:23 AM)
I also use, "Oh, did you say something?" [:D]

Missokyst -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 9:17:30 AM)
I am not a dominant. But as a human, if I am in charge I do things my way. That doesn't mean I am not open to imput, or that I keep on the same straight path I plotted from the beginning with no diversion. As a human who is often in charge, I do things my way even if that means taking suggestions from someone who thinks of something I might want to try. The one thing that always bugged me about the absolute "i am dom!" type.. is that it seems like suggestions threaten their position. As a human who is often in charge I have never had issues with my position, or my security about who I am. I tend to chose dominants who know they are in charge and are not insulted by requests. It is their choice whether they want to indulge or not. Being in charge for me means that someone else does not rock my security by questioning what I do. They can question all they want. I will still do things the way I want. They can suggest all they want. And I will do it, or not, but it is always my choice. My power is not usurped because I chose to listen. And if it comes down to that, I point to the exit sign. So far, I have not come to that. People tend to comply if you are sure in your status. Kyst

slaveluci -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 9:45:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I can only top from the bottom if he allows it. I can ask, beg, plead, demand etc but unless he decides that he wants to do whatever I ask, then it won't happen. The word no is in his vocabulary. He doesn't get thrown into a tizzy if I'm so lost in feeling that I can't remember to say "Oh great domly one, may this your insignificant nothing please be permitted one small orgasm". He rather likes it if all I can do is moan "please, please, please". It shows that I'm totally in the moment which isn't so when I articulate polished and pretty phrases. And he's quite capable of saying no or not yet. Me telling him what I feel and what I want is information only. Despite how it comes out of my mouth, I still don't have the ability to magically untie myself and force him to do what I want, it's up to him. Thankfully he isn't so insecure as to think that me telling him what's in my mind, instead of expecting him to be able to read my mind, is somehow taking away his power. Totally agreed! OP, below I've included a couple posts from old threads where I stated my feelings on the subject. Just as DesFIP says, He is totally capable of saying "no" and often does[;)]................luci From Sept. 5, 2007: quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross "And you point out the irony that so many slaves put themselves through- by allowing your fear of controlling things to prevent you from openly communicating, you took control of the situation by withholding and eventually leaving altogether". "That is an excellent point, LA. That kind of situation is mentioned over and over here on the forums. So many subs/slaves are so terrified of being seen as "topping from the bottom," that they will sit there with their mouths shut withholding information until communication completely breaks down. I'm sorry but I just can't grasp that concept. I never attempt to actively control what goes on in our relationship but if there is something important on my mind, I'm not only allowed but damn well expected to give it voice. It's not "topping" if you don't have the authority to make the decisions. It's simply speaking your opinion or needs or whathaveyou. If done so with respect and with the realization that you may or may not "get your way" or influence the decision that is made, that is NOT "topping." It is being open and honest and communicative. Just because I need to express myself or just because I may feel the need to ask for something He hasn't picked up on that I need at the moment, that doesn't mean I'm in control of anything. As His slave, I ask. He always has the right and ability to say "no." It's like so many subs/slaves think that all they have to do is ask for something and their dom/master has encountered kryptonite and can't refuse[8D]. Believe me, my Master can and does. My asking doesn't guarantee I'll get it. Basically to us, it comes alot closer to "topping" for me to sit here needing to talk and express myself and refusing to do so. That is holding back, that is being deceptive, and that is - in my own way - controlling things. That is not permitted. Just my point of view..........luci and from Sept. 26, 2007: "Hi Candy, As others have said, you know your master better than any of us. However, from all I know of you both, he seems like a very open-minded man. If you feel so sure that he would love it, as you say, I'm not sure why you wouldn't go ahead with it. Master never considers it "topping" when I ask for something. Asking does not mean I'm going to automatically get it. He is Master. He can say "no." People sometimes seem so afraid of even voicing a desire or request because the very thought of it makes them think they are "topping." Nonsense. Do they have so much control over their dom/master that simply voicing a request renders him powerless?[8\|] I sure don't and I don't think you do either. Now, if you were to demand something or whine or pout or manipulate, that's different. But thinking of something and then asking? That is NOT "topping" in MY relationship. As a matter of fact, if I thought of a scene that I was positive Master would love and I DIDN'T bring it up, He would consider that much worse behavior. He owns my mind too, ya know? If it can't be used for thinking up hot things He would love, then what can it be used for?[;)] Seriously, you and your master seem to have a solid relationship. Please don't hold back from him because you think simply offering up an idea is "topping." That would just be sad. Good luck with it..................luci I still feel exactly the same. If Master were so fragile that a mere request from me would shatter His plans, He wouldn't be my Master to start with[8D]...................luci

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 10:16:07 AM)
It depends- are they topping from the bottom because I want them to? Because I want them to lead me and teach me something? Or are they doing it because they are insecure and trying to manipulate? See the thing about informed consent is that we ALL get exactly what we want in the way we want it. Most newbies get all fucked over because they keep being told on the one hand "do what works best for you and choose what fulfills you" and then on the other hand "If you do what YOU want, then you're just a player and not a real sub at all" Poor dears.

gypsygrl -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 10:22:11 AM)
quote: See the thing about informed consent is that we ALL get exactly what we want in the way we want it. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

baddog123 -> RE: I'll do anything you say, just do it my way (6/28/2008 12:31:01 PM)
Wow, kind of cool, a world where everyone gets just what they wanted. But I do think communication is good, and nobody should get what the specifically don't want. I guess life throws all we can take of that automatically. For me the thrill of things diminishes with over scripting. It's the wild card that makes things fun!

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