Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (Full Version)

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LilyWolf -> Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/22/2008 8:36:25 PM)

Question on the issue of training?

First back story on the question I started on collerme to get past the point of my mind fantasies and knowledge from books of years of research. When I joined collerme I spoke to my husband about training with a Dom wich we found a Dom to train with wich being on a truck my husband being a truck driver it was more rushed more then I should have. Well it was bad since the Dom was fake and untrue to his words in the way of training for not telling of the household rules from the start as well as not training the right way. Left the household on the third week a week after the evening to be told the rules as well to start training. Was told on that evening to leave the household wich left me feeling like a dispointed in myself. Once return to the truck after a trip to Florida at was horrorible I spoke to my husband about training with me next time as a Dom to become my final Master. My question is is it right for my husband to do so being a vanilla?



goodpet -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/22/2008 8:55:33 PM)

 Wow, Ok, trying to understand just what happen and what your are asking.. if i understand your post. You went for training with some so called dom while your husband was out on the road driving truck. With his knowledge and approval. You were not given enough information, and the training did not go as you had hoped it would, so you left. ( Was the training done on a truck or on a trip also?).

I would suggest that both you and your husband find a recommended Dom to meet with you both, and/or sometimes singular, when your driving schedule allows.

There are many good Doms and Couples who are willing to mentor and train or teach. With both you and your husband meeting and going to them, you both can learn and develop together..

There is a great Dom who lives in SC, he use to be an OTR driver, but now does a more concentrated route. contact me if interested and i am sure he would give you some advice from the truck/kink point of view.

Find groups in the areas you are going to have lay-overs in. hook up with the local communities every chance you get.  At the very least find an online mentor but please, try to find one who actually lives it. someone who has or has had a slave, is active in their community, can give references ( and then check them out).

good luck, hang in there and don't give up.

~ann



MrRandallspe -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/22/2008 9:25:49 PM)

If you lived closer to me or you both could make it up my way,I will be willing to meet you both at a motel/hotel for a weekend of training.
If interested,we can discuss this offer and make arrangements.



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/22/2008 10:34:16 PM)

Okay, that was a bit difficult to understand.  What type of relationship do you want with your husband?  Because there's any number of relationship dynamics that fall under this big ole umbrella.

D/s............ dominance and submission.  If this is what you want, then the first question is, is he dominant?  And is this something you want in all aspects of your life, or just in the bedroom?

BDSM......... bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism.  This is the kinky play/sex that most of us enjoy.  If this is all you want, then your husband (if willing) could learn the skills of a good Top.  There's books and videos..... and most BDSM clubs hold educational events and demos on various topics, not to mention that there are usually people willing to teach what they know at the clubs.

Depending on how far you want to go with this, he may not require "training" at all.  The two of you may just have to work out what makes you happy and experiment here and there.  Meeting some stranger in a hotel room, etc for "training" isn't likely to produce anything other than another post from you about being taken advantage of by a "dominant".

Take what you like of all of this and leave the rest and create your own relationship dynamic that works for the two of you.

Good luck!



WolfsbaneX -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 5:19:23 AM)

I can relate in a way. I am new to much of this as well, which is why I have been researching, and getting into groups and websites online such as this to learn everything I can. Beyond that I will be looking for movies as well to further my research and give me a lil more inspiration. All I can say for you and your husband is have faith in your bond that exists between you two, and have faith in yourselves. I was unsure to an extreme when my mate first came to me saying she wanted me to become her master. In the end though she has been happy, content, and complete thus far with me and the ways I've been gradually improving. Take it for what its worth but thats my perspective. I've found in my limited experience that the lifestyle of BDSM is similar in some prinicples of martial arts. There must be a balance that works for you and those that are with you. In the end you must find what works for you and your husband or whoever else you two involve. I hope this helps.



VioletAshes -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 5:42:51 AM)

I think your husband, because he is just that, is the perfect person for you to begin your training with. Whether he be your Dom or not, it is something you should do together. I think you will find you will grow together in this way. He may be vanilla but that does not mean that he does not want to share in your sexual and emotional growth.



slaveluci -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 5:43:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
Depending on how far you want to go with this, he may not require "training" at all.  The two of you may just have to work out what makes you happy and experiment here and there.  Meeting some stranger in a hotel room, etc for "training" isn't likely to produce anything other than another post from you about being taken advantage of by a "dominant"

My sentiments exactly.  If he wants some specific training in some type of skill (bondage, using a single tail, etc.), I'd say that's advisable.  As your husband, I doubt he needs a complete stranger to "train" him how to dominate you.  As a matter of fact, I'd absolutely say he does not.  I'd be very wary of anyone wishing to do so.  They'd love to get ahold of you, sure, but how's that helping your husband to learn how to be your dominant partner?  Work this out together by sitting down and talking and let it come naturally and slowly.  Involving a third party to "train" either of you will almost surely be a mistake..............luci



leadership527 -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 8:27:30 PM)

OK, pretty much any time I hear the term "train" come up in this context, it makes my hackles go up.  Your husband probably doesn't need any training at all to take control of you as a sub/slave.  Specific techniques should be pretty straightforward.  I am beginning to wonder how much "training" out there is really just an excuse to fish for new subs.



Lynnxz -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 8:36:53 PM)

I'm always suspicious of guys who offer to train others. Personally, I've always said that if someone has the desire to dominate someone, they don't need any training. Obviously if he has the desire- he's no longer 'vanilla' and it's really just not that hard to top someone honestly. You two already have the advantage of being married, so it's not like you are starting from scratch.

Do a little reading, there are some great books out there. If books aren't your thing, try the hands on approach. ;) Go to a sex shop and pick up a little rope, and a paddle or something, and try it out.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 8:44:57 PM)

if you're both new to all of this, why can't you train each other as to your likes and dislikes?  if you mean train him how to use a whip, give orders, etc., shit, you can learn that on your own and with  practice...

plus, what's the big deal about being vanilla?  everyone starts somewhere!



xxblushesxx -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 8:49:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
Depending on how far you want to go with this, he may not require "training" at all.  The two of you may just have to work out what makes you happy and experiment here and there.  Meeting some stranger in a hotel room, etc for "training" isn't likely to produce anything other than another post from you about being taken advantage of by a "dominant"

My sentiments exactly.  If he wants some specific training in some type of skill (bondage, using a single tail, etc.), I'd say that's advisable.  As your husband, I doubt he needs a complete stranger to "train" him how to dominate you.  As a matter of fact, I'd absolutely say he does not.  I'd be very wary of anyone wishing to do so.  They'd love to get ahold of you, sure, but how's that helping your husband to learn how to be your dominant partner?  Work this out together by sitting down and talking and let it come naturally and slowly.  Involving a third party to "train" either of you will almost surely be a mistake..............luci


Agreed. Why don't you all explore the lifestyle together? Read about it when he's on the road, send him links, or save them to go over when he gets back. You two could build something beautiful and unique without any outside interference...



Racquelle -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 9:04:46 PM)

If your husband has any interest, he's a natural.  You both might enjoy a web community called "Taken in Hand" - google it.  It's quite focused on deeply loving mdom/femsub relationships, playing off of a lot of what is already there.



StrangerThan -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 10:01:26 PM)

I can only train you to serve me, not serve someone else. It is my preferences you learn, not those of the one who will "own" you. Having said that, how can one really train another for someone else?

This post raises one of the issues that I often have with this lifestyle in that people so often make decisions based upon what another person is rather than who.  You accepted someone into your life because they were a "Dom", rather than accepting them into your life because they understood your relationship, understood their role in it.

There is no magical rule book written in gold or anything else for that matter that states calling yourself a Dom makes you somehow above the rest of humanity. Nor does the term imbue anyone with special powers or arcane knowledge. Any time you interact with another, what you learn from them is what they believe, what they follow. Rather than training you, I'd see it more sensible for him to have trained your husband, because after all, isn't that who you ultimately belong to in this situation?



MrRandallspe -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/23/2008 11:22:27 PM)

I do admit that the use of the word "train" left a great area in which it could be and was mistaken by those who mistake any word that they do not agree with. Pehaps I should have used the word  "teach" or even  "console" or any other word that would not be twisted as to the meaning that was intended.
My offer to talk with them and discuss what avenues that they would both benefit by was and is an offer of help and assistance rather than half assed comments that would help no one in real need of assistance. This comment is not directed toward anyone at all,yet it is one that covers many comments that I have read from many others here toward those who have asked for help or assistance.
No, I am not "worked up" or anything of that sort. I am calmly stating my thoughts on the matter at hand.
In the years on being employeed at different places, I have served as an assistant manager,manager,counselor  and  advisor to many people and did well at those positions.
I was offering the couple a way to handle the situation that they are dealing with. I offered a "real" way of helping them rather than to toss suggestions at them.

It was not my intent to cause sore feelings with the word "train",,,,I should have chosen a better word. To that, I stand corrected.



WolfsbaneX -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/25/2008 5:11:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

if you're both new to all of this, why can't you train each other as to your likes and dislikes?  if you mean train him how to use a whip, give orders, etc., shit, you can learn that on your own and with  practice...

plus, what's the big deal about being vanilla?  everyone starts somewhere!


Amen. In a way you and your husband are training each other, as my mate and I are. Beyond that Rome wasn't built in a day and had to start with a piece of land and a single stone. Vanilla now? Yes. Vanilla forever? No. Its just a matter of getting over pride, and realizing that no matter how much you know of something, there is always more to learn, and always ways you and yours can improve. That from what I can see applies to life, martial arts, and bdsm.



Madame4a -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/25/2008 5:30:49 AM)

slow the hell down

you live in a state that has a lot of groups and events.. go to meetings, maybe a workshop or munch and make some friends
doing something offline will make your chances of NOT finding someone who "was fake and untrue to his words in the way of training for not telling of the household rules from the start as well as not training the right way" -- doesn't stop it all together, but it helps to meet friends first and see what happens...

do this with your husband... what's the rush?



JohnWarren -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/25/2008 5:54:39 AM)

I'm another that gets a bad feeling about the word "training."  In my opinion, dominants, since by their very nature are in control, need "training" a lot more than submissives.  Also, the techniques are a lot more generalizable than those for submissives.  What a submissive needs to do is to be able to please his or her dominant.  Once that skill set becomes clear, outside training might be useful in specific activities.  For example, Smiler learned professional pedicure because Libby likes her feet to look nice.

In my opinion, generalized or generic "training" often misses the mark in what a specific dominant wants in a submissive.  For example, I once took on a woman who was very proud about being "trained."  She was MADDENING.  Wanted to walk five paces behind me.  Have you ever tried to have an intelligent conversation over your shoulder?  Dropped into spastic shapes everytime I walked into the room.  Talked in third person all the time. 

If you WANT to serve YOUR HUSBAND, talk to him about what he wants.  Then do it.  That's about it.



DesFIP -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/25/2008 9:16:53 AM)

Is your husband interested in a power relationship?

If so, then the only person who can teach you to please him, is him.

Now you seem to have gotten the idea that someone has to be a card carrying certified master to do this. Nonsense.

The best person to explore this with is him. Anyone else will not know about your life, will not care about much more than you having sex with them. Your husband can give you orders about laundry and then spank your ass without it causing dinner to burn or your kids to not do homework.

If you had to not be vanilla to do this, then you couldn't do this because you have no experience either. Learn together, talk together, deepen your relationship by telling each other your innermost desires. Love each other and be good to each other. In the end, that's all that matters.



MasterZen22 -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/25/2008 9:47:35 AM)


quote:


My question is is it right for my husband to do so being a vanilla?


You seem to be under the impression that there is a set in stone "right" and "wrong" way to do these things. Everyone in bdsm is different so what is "right" for you could be "wrong for someone else.

What is truly important is your feelings! If what you did does not feel right, then it is not right FOR YOU. Talk husband about your feelings. If YOU feel that it would be better for him to be your master, instead of some stranger, see if he agrees!

Personally, I think it sounds like a great idea for you to focus on the man you're already married to instead of bringing in an outside party, especially if you became uncomfortable the last time. I do not think a "trainer" is necessary at all.



Lashra -> RE: Should my husband train with me to be my Master? (6/25/2008 12:15:54 PM)

Whoever is going to be your Master should be the one training you as every Dominant is different. I train my subs/slaves myself because I know how I like things, no one else could teach them that.

Perhaps your husband could start being more strict with you and setting up some house rules, that will help get you into a submissive frame of mind.

Good luck,
~Lashra



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