RE: Growing Up ...

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Daddystouch -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 4:34:07 PM)
I think I was aware of the BDSM world to a fair degree before I discovered that I myself was kinked. So I don't think I ever felt like I was the only one or anything like that. When it dawned on my that I like to hit girls, there was a few moments (literally seconds) of "uh oh, am I going to end up a wife beater?" before I realised I was being silly. Consent is key. Liking sex doesn't make me a rapist because the people I sleep with consent, liking boxing doesn't make me a murderer because the people I hit consent, liking to hit girls in the bedroom and for discipline doesn't make me a wife beater because, again, they consent.

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 5:37:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself Sometimes I still find myself worrying about how different I am to 'everyone else', but then I recall the years I spent in unfulfilling 'nilla relationships and how happy and secure in myself and my sexuality I am now, and my worries evaporate. In my world I AM normal, and that's all that matters. So right! [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: TheGaggingWh0re I don't think I ever had an instance where I thought I was strange or horrible, but I know my Master did. It took a lot of convincing him that he wasn't some crazed maniac before he finally shrugged and rolled with it. I'm so glad, too! I happen to like my spankings, thank you very much. :P Were you in the relationship when you convinced him to go with his instincts? Was this something you recognized within him prior to dating him? quote: ORIGINAL: DominantJenny Beyond that, answering questions as directly and correctly as possible, as mentioned. And, you know, make it up as I go along. :P Spoken like a twue mom. lol quote: ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain When I met a submissive experienced woman in my early 20’s, it all came back real fast. There were breaks over the years, but IT continued to grow as did my understanding and self acceptance to where I don’t make too much of the whole thing these days. It's amazing how that process occurs ... suddenly it was just a part of myself and I couldn't imagine feeling any other way. It's a shame young people can't know that they can still be the 'nice guy' or 'nice girl' and have kinks, but I guess that's all a part of growing up sometimes. quote: ORIGINAL: spanklette This seems to be a kind of continual evolution for me...guess I'm never gonna grow up.[:D] Sometimes the older I get the less I want to grow up! lol quote: ORIGINAL: Daddystouch Consent is key. Liking sex doesn't make me a rapist because the people I sleep with consent, liking boxing doesn't make me a murderer because the people I hit consent, liking to hit girls in the bedroom and for discipline doesn't make me a wife beater because, again, they consent. I know what you mean ... you were lucky to figure that out so quickly! Thank you to everyone for your replies! Edited to add: Hot damn, I figured out the multiple response thing. [sm=cheerleader.gif]

TheGaggingWh0re -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 8:09:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 quote: ORIGINAL: TheGaggingWh0re I don't think I ever had an instance where I thought I was strange or horrible, but I know my Master did. It took a lot of convincing him that he wasn't some crazed maniac before he finally shrugged and rolled with it. I'm so glad, too! I happen to like my spankings, thank you very much. :P Were you in the relationship when you convinced him to go with his instincts? Was this something you recognized within him prior to dating him? Yes and no. I was there when he voiced his concerns, though I didn't understand really why it was a concern at all. I was certainly there to tell him not to worry about it and how happy it made me that he found joy in his sadism at all, even if he was questioning it. We did split for a brief 2-years (though at the time it didn't seem so brief) over things out of our area of control, so his former slave also helped him through that period of his life. Then, when we got back together, he was a-ok with everything and hasn't looked back, lol!

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 8:12:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheGaggingWh0re quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 quote: ORIGINAL: TheGaggingWh0re I don't think I ever had an instance where I thought I was strange or horrible, but I know my Master did. It took a lot of convincing him that he wasn't some crazed maniac before he finally shrugged and rolled with it. I'm so glad, too! I happen to like my spankings, thank you very much. :P Were you in the relationship when you convinced him to go with his instincts? Was this something you recognized within him prior to dating him? Yes and no. I was there when he voiced his concerns, though I didn't understand really why it was a concern at all. I was certainly there to tell him not to worry about it and how happy it made me that he found joy in his sadism at all, even if he was questioning it. We did split for a brief 2-years (though at the time it didn't seem so brief) over things out of our area of control, so his former slave also helped him through that period of his life. Then, when we got back together, he was a-ok with everything and hasn't looked back, lol! Lucky you! [:)] I'm glad it worked out so well for the both of you.

MrRandallspe -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 9:53:16 PM)
As I was growing up,I had a small knowledge of BD SM. Nothing to really understand other than a very vague idea of what it all meant. When I was in High School,I read more and was getting more interested. When I was 17 I got to know more and enjoyed spanking girls around my age...then I really got to enjoy the power and control whe I did cause one to get so excited she soaked her jeans as she came from my spanking her. Needless to say, I was hooked then.From there it went to paddles,riding crops and more as I could get my hands on things to use to use on willing females.

KnightofMists -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 10:13:46 PM)
quote: , it made me wonder how many of those among us had serious issues growing up in understanding themselves. what exactly is "serious" issues..... I like most people had the challenges of youth growing into adulthood... but I would hardly call it a serious issue. quote: Especially those that knew at an early age that they either liked to hit, or liked to be hit ... both of which is so frowned upon. I suppose it's something like growing up knowing you're gay - your orientation is different from those you are surrounded by. actually it wasn't something that I grew up dreaming or fantazing about. It wasn't actually until I became sexually active that I began to explore those things that turned me on and by that time... I was beyond the teenage years and well into adulthood. I had far greater issues dealing with the idea of Poly than I did dealing with my Sadistic pleasures.

pinksugarsub -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 10:34:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220 RedMagic1 (a poster I respect, and hope doesn't mind the hijacking of his thought!) made a comment in another thread that made me want to ask a question, but didn't want to derail, so ... He said: [Well, hell. Why didn't anyone tell me this before? I would've just stayed vanilla. That would have saved me a lot of grief -- no self-doubt thinking I was a teenage slime because I liked the idea of hitting girls.] While I realize that some of this was tongue-in-cheek, it made me wonder how many of those among us had serious issues growing up in understanding themselves. Especially those that knew at an early age that they either liked to hit, or liked to be hit ... both of which is so frowned upon. I suppose it's something like growing up knowing you're gay - your orientation is different from those you are surrounded by. I ask both for my own curiousity as well as for the fact that I'm raising 3 UM's and I do wonder what is going through their minds as they mature into adults. My answer to this question is that I didn't know at such a young age that I enjoyed being hit. That's a relatively new self-discovery. But I did know that I really liked the thought of being restrained and taken. The thoughts of my wanting to be taken often ranged into the rough sex realm but I didn't allow it to go further than that because it was disturbing to me. Denial ... sigh. Thanks for sharing! Edited for clarity ... hope I succeeded. [;)] Great Op, NeedingMore. First my 'backstory': i lost my parents at an early age, and my brother & i lived in a Catholic orphanage until we aged out in the 8th grade. He went to a group home and a Jesuit all-boys' high school; i went into foster care run by Catholic Social Services -- 11 homes and 4 different high schools before i graduated. i literally knew nothing about sex by the time i graduated high school. i knew it involved being naked, and facing the guy, but beyond that i was clueless. Funny thing is, so were my girlfriends who all lived with their families. i still remeber that 'I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings' had something sexual on page 274, lol. i looked up all the swear words i knew in the dictionary. Its not as if i didn't want to know. Then i started college and i lost my virginity. i thought -- THIS is what all the fuss is about? Why, that was downright boring! Eventually, i did have some talented lovers and learned at least the basics of vanilla sex. Fast forward to 3 years ago -- i accidentially discovered D/s. i knew immediately i was a submissve. All those years of wishing for a Man who would take charge, be protective, and demand things of me -- i wasn't 'insecure' -- i was a perv! Yippie! During the last 3 years i have discovered such joy. i'll never forget the first Dom who wrapped His hand in my hair and pulled it HARD, kissing me deeply. i zoned right out, then and there. i have a UM as well. i made sure she knew as much about sex as her age permitted (they make nice children's books about it). Nowadays, she and i rarely speak about sex -- we sorta have this 'pretense' that she's not having any and neither am i. We only talk about it if one of us has a question or problem. i don't know if my UM has a good sex life -- i suspect she does. That makes me very, very happy. My own sex life is, of course, riddled with all the issues any uncollared submissive faces, but what little sex i've had with real Doms has s'times been just beyond words. Thank Gawd for sex! pinksugarsub

WhisperSupremacy -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 10:51:46 PM)
My life,...in a nutshell: Birth, school, death metal, bdsm, end of life. Plain and simple, and I sure as hell have no problems with life or growing up on any level.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Growing Up ... (6/20/2008 10:58:29 PM)
I knew I was a submissive way back when I was younger, and I missed out on a lot of situations that could have gone directly to what I was fantasizing about, but I overcompensated for my fear that others might find out that I was "strange". It wasn't until my adult years that I began to pubicly acknowledge what I am. I still find myself running across people who think they need to "hide" my lifestyle from others. One of my female friends hangs out with me all the time but is EXTREMELY protective about others hinting about my submissive lifestyle. And she and I aren't even involved in that sort of relationship. So, it can be strange even today.

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