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First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 4:58:08 PM   
MissNan


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		I am meeting a man later this week with potential for him to be my r/l lifetime slave.  We have chatted for weeks, and spoken on the phone as well.

I would like to have him fill out some kind of form, telling me what his preferences are... things he likes, doesn't like, hardlines, curiosities, etc...

Is there any such form available online?  I have no idea where to search for something like that.

Thanks!
Nan
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 5:14:29 PM   
DianeB


Posts: 166
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissNan

I am meeting a man later this week with potential for him to be my r/l lifetime slave.  We have chatted for weeks, and spoken on the phone as well.

I would like to have him fill out some kind of form, telling me what his preferences are... things he likes, doesn't like, hardlines, curiosities, etc...

Is there any such form available online?  I have no idea where to search for something like that.

Thanks!
Nan



Someone posted a sub check list in my group. I'll try to find it and send it to you on the otherside.


Diane

(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 5:20:53 PM   
MissNan


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you Diane!

(in reply to DianeB)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 5:22:05 PM   
DianeB


Posts: 166
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissNan

Thank you Diane!


I just sent it. I hope it helps.


Diane

(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 5:41:37 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Why not ask him face to face...
 
Nothing like a good ole` blush!
 
Good luck...congrats.

(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 6:29:55 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		there are zillions of checklists out there.....google bdsm checklist if the one you received doesn't cover it.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to ThundersCry)
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RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 6:58:36 PM   
SubRefuge


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissNan
I am meeting a man later this week with potential for him to be my r/l lifetime slave... 
Nan


Umm...hate to run through your bubble garden with a pin in my hand ... but how can he be a "potential" slave if you don't know any likes or dislikes (and you haven't even met him)?!?  Sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse. 

(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 7:06:35 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		Who asked...you?
 
Duh!

(in reply to SubRefuge)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 7:54:59 PM   
MistressSybella


Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

Umm...hate to run through your bubble garden with a pin in my hand ... but how can he be a "potential" slave if you don't know any likes or dislikes (and you haven't even met him)?!?  Sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse. 


She's got to start somewhere. I'm sure she's covered the "big" ones in her many chats but feels it is time to go deeper. Besides, with the right chemistry, likes and dislikes aren't as important in the long run. People evolve together.

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

(in reply to SubRefuge)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/17/2008 8:16:58 PM   
subtex


Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubRefuge

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissNan
I am meeting a man later this week with potential for him to be my r/l lifetime slave... 
Nan


Umm...hate to run through your bubble garden with a pin in my hand ... but how can he be a "potential" slave if you don't know any likes or dislikes (and you haven't even met him)?!?  Sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse. 


Okay so if he's not her potential slave that means he never will be her slave.  No potential, no chance.  She would never need to find out the likes and dislikes of anyone who has no potential.  I think she's that the cart and the horse in the right order.
Bill


(in reply to SubRefuge)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 4:23:01 AM   
openeyes


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe it should be available online, or even just posted here. Be interested in seeing it myself...

(in reply to subtex)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 5:08:27 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, my goodness.

I can walk into my kink library and pull out a dozen books with such checklists, I'm sure you can find dozens more online.

Using some generic check list is unlikely to give you the information that is really important to you.

Look at several and then design your own -- keep copies and reuse it in the future.

My advice is to not give him back the same information you are asking him for while you are getting his -- have your checklist filled out and if you think there is enough overlap with his, then give him yours, better yet look it over and discuss it together. Why? In my experience some people will change their lists to reflect mine if they know what mine is ahead of time. You want honesty and without trying to lie he may change his answers simply in hopes of matching you better. Ultimately that will come out once you've both invested more time and energy so save both and try to make it focused on him first when you gather this time of information.

Take or leave my suggestion as you like.

_____________________________

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 5:25:09 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		whatever happened to good old fashion, face to face communication?  a questionnaire isn't going to show you facial expressions to the responses ...plus anyone can lie and say they love cbt or anal and not really like.


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(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 1:44:25 PM   
MissNan


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your attention to my question!!

Diane - I did receive the list.  Thank you!!

Thunder - Making him blush will not be a problem.  ;)  ... and thank you!  I do hope it works out. 

SubRefuge - Slave is his term.  I am exploring his needs, and seeing if his needs will fit into my life.  We have spoken in detail about our likes and dislikes, but both of us being relatively new... there are many options out there that I'm sure we haven't even considered.  I personally need it all on paper, to help direct our discussion/negotiations, and also so I remember the details correctly.  My bubbles aren't that easy to pop.  lol  ... and it is always nice though to make sure I'm covering everything.

MissBella - You are right, chemistry is what this first meeting is mostly about.  I will probably have a lot of questions as this progresses... he wants to be a slave, it turns him on, but making this a reality that works for all parties involved, will take time and a lot of consideration for (& of) all involved.

subtex (Bill) - Thank you for that... I'm trying very hard to make sure my cart doesn't run away without the horse.  ;)

Tammyjo - I'm new... I really had no idea where to even look, except for the collarme profile questions, which are good but lacked the detail I was hoping for.  I will definitely follow that advice... I have noticed a tendency for people to say yeah, when they really mean... probably not... just to see where the conversation goes.

Thank you everyone else!!  All comments and suggestions are appreciated.  Face to face is great but my memory can be faulty... especially with being new and chatting with a lot of people about the lifestyle and how it works for them.  It's easy to mix up the stories/details/likes&dislikes that I've heard from people.













(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 3:56:10 PM   
DianeB


Posts: 166
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with a check list. I make potential subs write out a list of what they can do for me...
I also tell them to list their hard limits too.

Diane

(in reply to MissNan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 4:03:32 PM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		I am quite curious to why you would not know all this information already, a few phoencalls and weeks contact, usually suffice.

A checklist is a guide yes, but you must already presume compatibility, a checklist proves nothing more then just ticks on certain topics.

I agree with the posts above, communication is the key, verbal and eye contact, body language etc. :)

Good luck



_____________________________

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(in reply to DianeB)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 4:07:12 PM   
DianeB


Posts: 166
Joined: 1/30/2006
Status: offline 		I ask for the list just in case something was missed while talking....


Diane

(in reply to MistressRouge)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 4:20:29 PM   
MistressSybella


Posts: 163
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline 		About a year and a half after taking on my female submissive, we printed out one of those checklists, spent a few days on them, and then while out at a restaurant for dinner, handed eachother the pages. Now, keep in mind that we knew eachother well and had already gone over all the important pros and cons, and some. However, we learned so much about eachother. We got to discuss areas that we hadn't explored. We got to see eachother's growth. And we had a lot of great conversation during dinner! LOL!

My point is, ANYTIME is a good time to fill out a check list. There's no set rule that says one has to do it prior to first meetings, or 3 months later. It maybe a good idea to do it every 6 months, just to touch bases again. Heck, you may find out that someone really wants to try something "new" but the opportunity to mention it hadn't come up yet. People evolve together, as I already mentioned. ;)

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell

(in reply to DianeB)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 4:37:57 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSybella

About a year and a half after taking on my female submissive, we printed out one of those checklists, spent a few days on them, and then while out at a restaurant for dinner, handed eachother the pages. Now, keep in mind that we knew eachother well and had already gone over all the important pros and cons, and some. However, we learned so much about eachother. We got to discuss areas that we hadn't explored. We got to see eachother's growth. And we had a lot of great conversation during dinner! LOL!

My point is, ANYTIME is a good time to fill out a check list. There's no set rule that says one has to do it prior to first meetings, or 3 months later. It maybe a good idea to do it every 6 months, just to touch bases again. Heck, you may find out that someone really wants to try something "new" but the opportunity to mention it hadn't come up yet. People evolve together, as I already mentioned. ;)

Miss 'Bella
ServeMeWell



In my experience, as relationships grow and develop, limits will change as will openness to new areas of exploration.  One or the other may bring interests to the relationship that the other may be willing to try once sufficient trust has been built.  They may also find them to be equally exciting when they see the response from their partner. 
 
Healthy relationships are fluid and dynamic, including changes that will naturally occur on the lists of the type the OP is asking about.  Communication about them is indeed very healthy and exciting.
 
 - pixel
 
 
 
See my journal for the latest on Wyatt.


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to MistressSybella)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: First Meeting questionnaire for sub/slave - 6/18/2008 10:05:39 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I'm meeting a new guy tomorrow. His checklist of fetishes doesn't interest me at this point. I now the basics, enough to know it's workable. Tomorrow, face to face, I want to start with the important things like his general personality and is he someone with enough interests and conversation to interest me. We all have our own list of what we are looking for. For me I want to know the person before the submissive/ penis/ fetish list. Not everyone looks at it this way. From my experience in meeting men who say they are submissive, the real thing to find out is does he want to meet you or would he be just as happy meeting a blow up doll in black latex with a whip glued to her hand? I only arrange a meeting if I'm pretty sure it's me he wants to meet. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 20
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