piopunahele
Posts: 18
Joined: 3/24/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DominantJenny
As a submissive, do you feel like a failure when your dominant insists on doing certain things him/herself? How much service becomes TOO much, then, where you lose respect for your dominant because now you see them as simply lazy?
As a dominant, where do you draw the line? How much service is too much? How much effort are you willing to put in to teaching your submissive to do things as you prefer and do you resent that effort at all? Do you think it realistic to expect the submissive to learn without being taught?
Finally, in general, how does one reconcile being a highly independent individual with having someone on whom, on some level, you must become dependent over time?
The things that B wants done in a very precise way are few and far between. I do 99.99% of the cooking, but I had to learn how to make his omelet the way he prefers them and how to cook his salmon (according to B, there is only one true way to cook salmon, so it is gospel). Other than that, as long as the place is tidy, he's happy. Domestic chores are not high on his priority list, and he would often rather have us off doing something else. Fortunately, I work part time and have time to clean house before he gets home and we do what he wants us to do.
On those rare occassions that we run across something he is very particular about, like his omelet, it depends on his mood as to whether he invests the time with me to teach me or whether he just does it himself. In my case unfortunately, the perfect omelet was not a one lesson deal. Lesson 1 was him cooking the omelet and showing me how it is done to his liking. He didn't want another omelet for weeks, but when he did, I tried. It was not his perfect omelet but he ate it and was not displeased. We joked about it. The next time or two that he wanted an omelet, I believe he made it himself and I watched. He just wasn't in the mood for lessons and was more interested in getting his omelet now than he was in getting future omelets made by me. I was not offended or hurt and did not feel that he thought I was a failure. It took several months for me to learn to make his omelet to his complete satisfaction, but he only eats them once or twice a month, so there was not a lot of practice. Now, it is just another way that I can please him, which makes us both happy. If he never taught me to make them, and he continued to make them for himself, I don't see that our lives would be any different, however.
My goal is to please him. If it pleases him to have me make his omelets, great. If it pleases him to not have me make him omelet, great. I'm not really attached to the task until I am performing it. There is no attachment to an expectation of performing a task, if that makes sense. If I am performing a task, I am in that moment, aware and deliberate in the goal (to please him by performing this task efficiently and well). If I am not performing the task, it is not in my thoughts. I don't dwell on what I could be doing that he has not assigned to me. If he wants me to do something additional or something different, he will tell me.
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RE: If you want something done right... - 
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but that's ok. If for some reason i was incapacitated and couldn't do it, i know He could do it for Himself, and quite probably would try to emulate my techniques that He's absorbed from watching me! In some chores, i'd have to say Master's standards do not always equal mine (He's not too fond of vacuuming under chairs!) ... but i am definitely not going to bitch about it as i am grateful that He does it! 
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