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RE: relationship skills - 6/17/2008 9:31:56 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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quite coldly .. I do a cost/benefit analysis

Is the price of submitting to Him ... equal to the value of having Him as an Owner?

and as long as He makes ice cream like He does now - and lets me eat some from time to time ... that answer will always be yes!

honestly ladies .... its worth suffering the eels and the nail gun just for the ice cream

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RE: relationship skills - 6/17/2008 9:37:49 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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There are several things that make me step back and question whether I want to be seeking again. One of them is the idealized bs that so many people adopt. No, it is not all about what the dom wants. It does bug me when people say "my only wish is to make him happy". Or when a man contacts me and it boils down to having me serve him because I should want to keep him satisfied and that is all I need to keep me satisfied. It does bother me when people say that unless I am quiet I am not really submitting.
The problem with having done this before the influence of the internet is that I had the opportunity of developing relationships where both our needs were important. And where it was important to communicate what you were feeling, whether that be "it's too much" or "please I need to be beaten". There was no hard feelings of being topped from the bottom because we recognised that sometimes it is ok to ask or to say no. We knew that because we cared about each other as people in a relationship.
I hesitate seeking another relationship now because it seems to be backward. Sex and passion first and if you are lucky it leads to more. I was too used to seeing someone, finding sparks, feeling some thing interesting enough about them to want to know more, and letting passion fuel the exploration.
It isn't that things were so much better back then. I think it is just that I was extremely lucky in connecting to confident men who had an urge to hurt me and love me.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: relationship skills - 6/18/2008 12:44:35 AM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
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sorry to drag this back but i had another thought on this.

i think that often people seem to think that D/s is a whole new relationship experience. they step away from everything they have learned about relationships and go at it like teenagers. everything that used to apply to relationships is put to one side because they believe the rules of engagement have changed.

it creates a flux, a place of unknown territory that they suddenly become oddly inept in dealing with.

just had to chuck this in... xx

< Message edited by lally3 -- 6/18/2008 12:46:36 AM >

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RE: relationship skills - 6/18/2008 7:13:13 AM

stella41b

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Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

they step away from everything they have learned about relationships and go at it like teenagers.

..or indeed toddlers.

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RE: relationship skills - 6/18/2008 7:19:46 AM

MrSpectacular

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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OP - I agree with everything you say - especially about vanilla - If you cannot have a great vanilla life - there is no way you will have a good D/s. Equating the two is a great analogy.

N

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RE: relationship skills - 6/18/2008 7:52:50 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I always ask.........."what is your longest, most positive relationship of any sort?"

If all I hear is bitching and whining about every person in their life, how they've been treated badly, always the victim, multiple jobs in a short amount of time.............bye bye!

I know it is them that is the problem, not the others they are placing the blame on.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: relationship skills - 6/18/2008 8:23:25 AM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
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While its true that everyone seems to be looking for something different, the quest is to find the person who is looking for something similar to what you are, then work from there. I was lucky to find pet, my fun rubber loving boot slut

It is hard to look for the one person of your dreams, but don't give up. Being open minded might lead you to new things you might not have ever known existed.

Communication is the big key to everything. When I first began talking with pet I told him how big communication is to me and that I prefer to work everything out as it comes along. Just beginning to talk to someone opens doors, let them know what your looking for but don't overwhelm them, each time reveal a little more.

* new subs think that they have no right to communicate their feelings, needs, fantasies and fears. new doms think they shouldnt have to communicate with a sub beyond giving orders. *

Dommes that I've talked to before as well as myself want to know a bit about the sub before just jumping into things. I wanted to know about pet before I even thought of collaring him. I wanted to know his personality, what he enjoys doing in the vanilla world, etc. pet also began our first few talks about letting me know what he was looking for, hard limits, etc. ok so he is a bit of an anti-subby but I appreciated the straightforwardness of not wasting my time but by actually sticking his neck out there by being bold. I did not want a step stool for a sub and instead I found a fiesty one!

Just know what your looking for, be open minded, allow time to get to know the other person because kinks might fit but if your looking for more you might get a bit disappointed. ~Lorelei

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Post #: 27