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long distance long term relationship ... - 6/12/2008 3:08:19 AM

JulieorSarah

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a friend of mine also lives in a small regional area, and has started to see someone who lives in another state in a large city, (State Capital), to see each other it's a 4 hour one way journey involving a train, plane, and another train - includes waiting time. They met on a holiday.

So fare they've done it weekend about, with each third or fourth weekend off. The cost of the travel is increaseing constantly, it's early days. Personally i think it's doomed, but i'd like to see it work, she's the happiest i've seen her in ages.

Has anyone started and maintained a long distance relationship that you'd describe as surviving the pressure ... why do you think it worked?

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/12/2008 4:07:56 AM

Asherdelampyr

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I talk with my pet every day over messenger, or in World Of Warcraft (both of us being serious geeks :P)
it sucks that I cant see her in person (5 hour flight) but by talking online and over the phone a lot, we get through it (and by setting dates for visits so we have something to look forward to)

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/12/2008 5:44:06 AM

kittinSol

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I met my man in 2001 and we saw eacher as often as possible until we got married last year. So, we had a six year ldr spawning over two continents (he's in the States, I was in Europe).

I can't give you a recipe as to how or why it worked: I think genuine love and devotion helped us sustain this. It wasn't always easy, but the desire to see one another kept us going during the months we were kept apart (sometimes, five, six months at a time). It's possible: trust your instincts and your gut feeling.

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/12/2008 11:33:24 AM

BumpStick

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Well if a relationship can survive along distance for an extended time it tells you how strong the bond is. I can personally tell you all that you are lucky with your long distance realtionships. I am an about 18hrs of flying away from the one I love. But I really dont have the option to take that flight since i dont have time off. Its a 10hr time difference... I am deployed to Iraq on a 15month deployment (3 weeks left now). The distance causes so many problems, its a constant game of tag trying to catch one another. Sometimes we go days with out talking to each other. Its a test and its hard but if the realtionship doesnt fall apart is is a strong and close one.

With how happy she is its not doomed. I cant tell you what the key is to making it work. They either work or they dont. But when they do its such a wonderful thing.

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/12/2008 11:53:47 AM

SteelofUtah

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I see Long Distance only working when there are definitive plans to make it No Distance.

I LDR can work only for as long as the people involved are okay with not ACTUALLY being involved with the other.

Personally I give them 90 days if we can't make a serious plan to be together in 90 days then I don't bother getting involved. I would rather not start a relationship that MIGHT go somewhere then Start one that won't.

I see LDR's as a non-commitment because sure you are commited you might not even cheat you could be completely faithful but you aren't really committed because you haven't really done much to alter your life in connecting with another human being.

These are just my views your Mileage may Vary.

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/13/2008 12:15:31 AM

JulieorSarah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I see Long Distance only working when there are definitive plans to make it No Distance.

I see LDR's as a non-commitment because sure you are commited you might not even cheat you could be completely faithful but you aren't really committed because you haven't really done much to alter your life in connecting with another human being.

Steel

Steel, thank you - you've expressed what i was feeling ... She freely admits it's early days, but doing the ground work, for a move at some time in the future just in case ... he says all the right things, does some of them, but his body language is not qutie right ... it's been nearly 4 months now ... and today i found out she's the one who is doing most of the travel, at her expense. i'd think it would be shared between them, whoever does the travelling.

Generally she is level headed, not given to impulsiveness, and spends her money well ... she's hooked and i think it's a one way street. I just hope i'm wrong, she's my cousin and she deserves a happy relationship.

Thank you everyone for contributing.

That this has started as a long distance relationship is probably why it's doomed ... they've not had a chance to develop a foundation ... only time will tell.

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/13/2008 12:30:01 AM

Asherdelampyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JulieorSarah

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I see Long Distance only working when there are definitive plans to make it No Distance.

I see LDR's as a non-commitment because sure you are commited you might not even cheat you could be completely faithful but you aren't really committed because you haven't really done much to alter your life in connecting with another human being.

Steel

Steel, thank you - you've expressed what i was feeling ... She freely admits it's early days, but doing the ground work, for a move at some time in the future just in case ... he says all the right things, does some of them, but his body language is not qutie right ... it's been nearly 4 months now ... and today i found out she's the one who is doing most of the travel, at her expense. i'd think it would be shared between them, whoever does the travelling.

Generally she is level headed, not given to impulsiveness, and spends her money well ... she's hooked and i think it's a one way street. I just hope i'm wrong, she's my cousin and she deserves a happy relationship.

Thank you everyone for contributing.

That this has started as a long distance relationship is probably why it's doomed ... they've not had a chance to develop a foundation ... only time will tell.

The part I did all I could to draw attention to? that would be a red flag to me
simple formula, she pays once, he pays once... both are commited... it doesnt matter who travels where, just as long as its even

when she does go over, does she end up paying for everything? i.e. if they go see a concert or something, whos buying the tickets?

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/13/2008 12:39:54 AM

endearing

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Long distance relationships can develop very nicely -- what is absolutely necessary is patience, honesty, and communicating as frequently as possible. A huge part of where ''patience'' comes in is identifying and acknowleding the responsibilities the ''significant other'' has on the other end of the line. i know the above stated from having been in a LDR [geographically was 2200 miles away] which lasted for 20 months. LDRs can require a lot of work and may be very rewarding.

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RE: long distance long term relationship ... - 6/13/2008 1:02:22 AM

pinksugarsub

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Personally i don't worry quite so much about cheating. Trust will always be a necessity, even if He lives down the street.

As for travel, i'm in no position to bear the expense or even endure the physical stress. He'd have to come here, and i think this might lead to resentment on His part.

My biggest worry is that brief visits and phone calls, etc. cannot really replace dating regularly. There's a natural human desire to be seen at Y/your best. What about when i have no make up on and haven't done my hair? What about when He's had a really crappy day at work? Without these interactions, is real intimacy still possible?

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