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Prinsexx -> RE: Different strokes for different folks !! (6/4/2008 7:30:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: missturbation
For over 12 months i have only 'played' with one Dom (Dom 1). In my opinion we 'play' pretty hard, severe bruising, blood, permanent scarring from whips, knives etc. Please no judgement on this as this isn't really what the thread is about. There was never any build up to hard play. From day one in a public dungeon it has always just been this way and i love it.
Recently i have been talking about playing with someone else on a temporary / irregular basis as well (Dom 2). When we were talking things through i basically said 'i don't want this to start off hard play, i'd rather build it up'. His response was 'ok but if Dom 1 plays hard with you why cant i?'
Good question which due to another distraction i didn't answer. Truth is i'm not sure why! I know i really like hard play but don't feel that hard play with Dom 2 would be right at this time. The first Dom isn't regular or permanent just like Dom 2 so it can't be that. I've known Dom 2 longer than Dom 1 and trust him just as implicitly as i trust Dom 1, So its not that either.
I'm at a bit of a loss to be honest! Any ideas?
Oh and just to throw something into the mix i'm in negotiation with someone else who ive known quite a while and i can't wait for him to get his hands on me. Im even looking forward to the caning i've been promised even though i despise the cane with a vengeance.
Go figure !!
Dear missturbation:
first off, icky girl.
Second , in my purely personal opinion and in answer to your question: the answer is easy for me (if I were you that is, which I'm not if you see what I mean) but I will explain....
I am an empath. That is that I empathise deeply with almost everyone I meet. It's also knwn as 'deep empathic understanding'. This natural ability I put down to being an identical twin. I was always the socially extroverted one. I was always the one that did the 'going and getting' for my twin. I was he one who also laid down all the memories for her. We have talked about this. She has what we call 'content free memory' that is to say she remembers when I remind her, or i recall things for her (even now) but not before. It was as if we had one ego that got split but remained conjoined even though we have, obviously, two separate bodies. It's as f we don't and we move and share a common 'mental' space in the world.
I react to almost everyone as if this is the case. It forms the basis of how I am as a slav/sub. I can move around someone I am in a dynamic with as if i am an extention to their body, serving their needs in a kind of unison. Simple things like passing them a pen just before they need that pen to write something down when the telephone rings.
BUT in d/s play it expresses itself more cogently as needing the kind of play that THEY need rather than any base line likes or desires or similaruty of desires that I have. In other words my needs are completely relational. If that D type needs that sort of behaviour from me then I can pick up on what that is as an instinct.
It also forms the basis of why I can easily be with more than one person in intimate relationship at the same time. It is because 'I' don't form the loxus of needs; they do.
Now I ma not saying that one has to be a twin in order to be deeply empathic. but you have asked the question as if you have compartmentalised different needs in each relationship whereas ir makes sense to me to interpret what you are doing as simply being deeply empathic with each Dom. You are actually talking about their needs and not your own. In the deepest empathic relationships one's own needs and the other's needs are crossed over. That's not the same as having weak boundaries by the way. Although it doesn't feel natural for me to do so I can close down (this I have had to learn to do). I can retreat and shut down against the needs of another. It feels like being an amoeba (sp?) that has been attacked; it's like an nstant retreat into myself that i feel when i feel endangered.. It's like a withdrawal.
They are lucky doms to have you honeychild.
Ed to add; I don't know if I would want to discuss the needs of one dominant with another 9sorry if i mis-read what you were saying haopened). And although it's difficult not to, i would also have to guard against comparing others against a base line or to each other. Although it might feel like you are stating what YOUR needs are and they are different with each Dom if I were you? I would dig a little deeper to find out exactly what my distinct needs are.
I also think you're doing great and it sounds like you are having the time of your life.
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