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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 12:41:14 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		well, lets use my first and longest M/s relationship that i just happened to meet on the internet as an example...I would say we parted on good terms, but i was a bit immature and crazy at the time...(as many bipolar 19 year olds are)....anyway...

1) 2 am, at IHOP, and then we moved to a hotel after we had eaten...it took forever to find a hotel - damn N'Sync - here's a lesson, always reserve a hotel room in advance if you can't return to your place of residence.

2) well, i think the play we did went way beyond the "sir" and a friends i had would have been squicked by the anal fisting...

3) i met him at the place, no isolated area to park...i don't think such a place exists outside of crack town in san antonio...

4) he didn't walk me to my car, i followed him in his car from hotel to hotel - i never thought about the Joseph and Mary symbolism of that night...the place we finally ended up was much like a manger in a barn...but there was no virgin births...no...some would say satanic rituals happened instead...i just thought we had fun....

5) um, i couldn't eat or drink much because i was so nervous, but that wasn't the only thing that ended up in my stomach that night...

6) my best friend knew who i was going to meet and had his info and if i didn't call her in the morning she was going to "do something," what, i don't know, but i did, so she didn't have to...and umm i don't know how to program 911, but how hard is it to dial 9-1-1....why speed dial? i have enough problems accidentally calling the people just saved in my phone book...

7) well, no bondage occured...but how do you think your friend feels about oral, vaginal and anal sex - penile and manual (including a fist - but just vaginal and anal, no oral fisting)....oh wait...how are we doing bondage if we are sticking to rule 2 and staying on even ground??

8) well duh!  if you can't do that, you probably shouldn't go shopping or check the mail either...

safety is not something you get from a how-to manual, if you were to depend on the things covered in written books and taught classes and what we write about on message boards as to what to do in a dangerous or potentially dagerous situation you would be seriously fucked when a situation came up that you hadn't "learned" about yet...

if you are having problems with safety, don't read a "how to do x, y and z safely" book, try reading a book on or enrolling in a class in critical thinking...engage your brain before engaging your loins...

chelle

oh yea, in case you didn't get my point, i thought his list was over-kill...bordering on paranoid


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(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 2:38:04 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		We broke every single one of those rules and had the time of our life that night... and continue to do so two and a half years later. In fact, she broke those rules in ways that would make the safety police cringe yet she was never in safer hands than mine.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 3:52:00 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Hello bashful
 
It is the.dark.posting - Darcy has plain text when He posts - mine is squiffy .
Actually, having a discussion about bundy or daumer would be more in depth with Darcy - with him being very knowlegable on all things serial...
 
I still believe that would have not saved them - they were both extremely clever and if they could trick people into appearing and being as normal as they were, they would have been able to manipulate even with those rules in place.  But hey, weare being hypothetical.
 
I am very into doing what works for you, however in the context that Pinkie produced them, I don't believe it works and I don't believe that people have honourable intentions... or rather, they may be honourable but misguided.  I have honestly never met anyone who participate in relationships in the flesh who produce lists like this.  I do however come across these lists from people who tend to communicate via the internet only or on self proclaimed 'lifestyle' websites such as castlerealm or steeldoor.They have their place of course, but I personally am unable to support them for face to face meets.
 
I do hope you are enjoying CM as much as I have enjoyed your (few) posts since you have been participating!
 
the.dark.

 
Now remember dark, the list is not mine; it was a comunication from a Man i know from elsewhere.
 
Wasn't there a serial killer who specifically targeted submissives and slaves on the 'net back in the '90's or so?  (If i weren't so lazy i'd try to find his name with a search engine.)
 
i think the convo about serial killers is a bit of a diversion; although there are supposedly thousands now estimated to be active in America, any O/one of U/us still has a neglible chance of falling prey to such a killer. 
 
i do think it's worth talking about the garden-variety abusers and stalkers who M/many of U/us might happen to be victimized by....IMO, these kind of criminals are extremely adroit and only a fool would ignore the fact that such P/pl are in O/our midst.
 
Personally, i have violated almost every rule the List has except for the one about bondage...i do not and never will play on a 1st meeting. 
 
However, i must admit i had to be hit over the head with a hammer to realise it was unsafe to allow a Man coming to see me from out of town to spend the night at my house.  i've finally clued in to that, and now as far as i'm concerned if They cannot afford a hotel, o well, W/we will never meet.
 
i tend to be complacent about my safety in general; i rarely use the deadbolt on my door; leave the house unlocked when i run to the store, and give my home phone number (which is unlisted) to more P/pl than i probably should.  i guess so far, i've been the beneficiary of the saying "Gawd looks out for children and fools".
 
pinksugarsub 
 
 
 
 

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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 4:20:15 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

In a general sense, I do agree with most of the safety rules posted by the OP. On that note, I personally have broken many of the rules and so far haven't met with any harmful people or situations. The thing I also fully realize is each of us has our own measuring stick when it comes to personal safety when meeting a blind date whether a potential kink partner or vanilla partner. For some people they need to set up a network before a blind date and others feel it isn't necessary. Both are not wrong, they are simply acting according to their own sense of safety and what they feel is valid and invalid for themself. It is good to make others aware of the potential hazards even though the risk is low or not: that is always a personal judgment. I have met a stranger and played on the first date, some may see me being reckless yet I felt the danger to my person wasn't high enough to cancel the date. I knew what the risks were and I accepted it, if I was harmed then I only have myself to blame for my poor judgement and would've been taught a harsh lesson that needed to be learned. I am solely responsible for my own actions and well being.


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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 4:48:21 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		FR

Ten years ago, I would have said the same thing...Meet in public, meet as equals, don't have sex, and do not allow him to bind you in any way.

I don't live by those rules any longer. 

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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 8:03:02 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I just have one rule:

Never get yourself into a situation you cannot independently get out of with someone you cannot deal with.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 8:05:27 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I've broken every single one of those rules and not only am I still living and breathing, but I've had some extremely memorable moments in my life as a result.

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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 8:08:27 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am damn glad that none of the playmates I have had subscribed to that list of rules.....

And I reckon they are equally glad that I am not a thief or killer. 

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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 8:25:08 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		If you have to be handed a list of rules to go out in the world and live, you aren't safe to go out in the world and live.

Cali


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RE: Safety Rules - 6/4/2008 11:47:57 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I've broken a lot of those rules, though some don't even apply to me anyway. But they're good rules none the less. Too many episodes of FBI Files and forensic shows...sometimes the nicest people turn out to be killers. Better to be safe than sorry, but it's not a good idea to walk on egg shells.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 12:32:03 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

If you have to be handed a list of rules to go out in the world and live, you aren't safe to go out in the world and live.

Cali


i thought the List was interesting and might stimulate some good posts, as it has.  No one has to hand me anything to allow me to manage my own life...and i think you very  well know that Cali.
 
pinksugarsub



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RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 1:18:11 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I think list like this simply should give somebody something to think about.   However in reality, it what two people feel comfortable with doing.

The last girl I dated, I met through myspace.  She had sent me a couple of messages, Added me as a friend.  We started exchanging email messages.  She lives 30 miles away from me.  She invited me to come out and meet her one night at one of the clubs.  I could not make it that night.  However, we exchanged phone numbers.  We talked on the phone for a few hours each night for a week.   Anyways, we somehow came up with a plan for me to come spend the weekend there and go out about and do some bar hopping.  

The only agreement we made with one another is that if things were not clicking between us, neither one of us would force anything.   That I would take the couch downstairs to sleep on too.   OK, a mutual aggreement and understanding.  So the weekend came, and I took off to meet her and simply spend time together.  No pressure for anything, with a fail safe plan.  That's at the very least we'd simply end up being friends.

Let's see, I got there.  She met me at the door.  Went upstairs hung out for a bit.  Talking and laughing.  Drank a couple of beers.  She finished getting ready for going out together.   We were standing face to face.. gazing deeply into each others eyes.  She asked me if I felt the click, I said Yes!  how about you! She said Yes!  That's it.. I was lip locking with her in under a second.  Then a moment of a laughter and relief.  Off we went out to some of our favorite places.  Shot a couple of games of pool which was taking forever, because we could not stop talking and hanging all over each other.  We went to another place, she introduced me to all her friends.  People knew about me ahead of time.  Warm welcome.  Meet a lot of great people.  Had a great time.  Went and got something to eat after the bars closed.  Then went back to her place.  Soon as we got into the door she was stripping out of her clothes.  She likes to hang out naked in her apartment anyways!  She warned me ahead of time.   Not a problem.  Anyways, one thing lead to another.   Finally crashed out about 8 am in the morning... woke up around noon for a bit... played for a bit.. Passed out... woke up around 5 pm.   Got cleaned up, went out for a nice Dinner.  Got back to her place... got all crazy and naked again.   Cleaned up and went out again to a few different places.  Meet more people, ran into some people I knew.  Hit up the late night Dinner there in town.   Ate breakfast basically... went back to her place.  did not go to sleep until whenever... Actually ended up sleeping on the floor together.  That's another story in itself.  

Anyways, let's just say we did not follow any of those rules.   Actually, it was kind of crazy but what the hell.  Anyways, it really did not work out between us.  However, we've worked things out to the point of being friends now.  My social circle grew a little and life is good now.  Things worked out alright.

Sure you can follow all those rules, but do they really guaranttee you are not getting hooked up with somebody who's not bat shit crazy!  People tend to be on their best behavior when you first meet them.  Some times, you just gotta jump and go for it to really find out what somebody is all about.  Sure you can play it safe, talking with somebody for months on end.  You can follow every so called rule or guideline in the book.   Still does not mean you are not getting involved with somebody that's not good or right for you.

I think one of the best things to follow is your own Gut instinct about things.  Do what is comfortable for both of you.  If you are not comfortable with something, don't do it in the beginning.  If you feel comfortable with it, and they are.. why not?  There is always a risk when getting involved with somebody new.  What's important is the common ground and understanding.  Have some sort of fall back plan or be prepared in case it does not go so well.

Plan A and Plan B sort of stuff.   Her and I just left everything else open ended.   We did not say, ok.. we are or are not gonna have sex and sleep together.  We just left it as an open door.   Makes it a little more interesting having those options and open doors to play with.   If you know for certain, you don't want that door open.  Simply take that option off from the table.  Not very difficult to do.   Again, back to what you feel comfortable with and Trust your Gut instinct!  Generally your gut instinct is right about things.


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RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 1:40:41 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Dear pink: help! i don't like Starbuck's coffee 

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RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 4:14:36 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		It is good sometimes if there is a reminder of all the safety aspects available to people meeting and playing for the first time, but there is no compulsion for folk to utilise every last one of someone's arbitrarily formulated rules list.

i bang on all the time about safety to people, but have to also mention the fact that i personally, through choice, threw out most of the rules and went with the flow, given that by certain stages i had learnt to trust and accept the voracity of the person i was meeting, the last one being my Master.

With him i was tied spreadeagled to his bed, blindfolded and gagged within the first hour of our first meeting. And no, that did not happen with everyone i met.

People make value judgements all the time, about the level of trust they invest, and about how cavalier they are going to be with aspects of their own safety, but as i have said, once i a while, for those new to the scene it doesn't do any harm to be reminded that safety is paramount, and in our own hands.


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 8:29:26 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub
i thought the List was interesting and might stimulate some good posts, as it has.  No one has to hand me anything to allow me to manage my own life...and i think you very  well know that Cali.


My post wasn't directed at anyone in particular, Pink.  Generally, when someone puts together a list of rules for something, either they think someone needs these rules to prevent something untoward from happening, or something has already happened and they are trying to prevent it from happening again. So perhaps that person needs to examine their own processes of getting thru life.  *shrugs*

Cali


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RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 9:46:48 AM   
virgini970


Posts: 142
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline 		lol i don't know would ypu rather be dead

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Safety Rules - 6/5/2008 12:55:32 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SingleRarity

What's funny to me, is that I think all of the above rules are excellent advice, yet I didn't follow them myself.  Daddy was in Illinois, and I was in Florida.  We met in New Orleans after a month of talking on the phone.  Technically our first meet was in the airport (pubic place), but within twenty minutes I was on my knees in our hotel room.  Ahh sweet memories from the 33rd floor of the Sheridan!  


yeah i'm one of those people who actually TAUGHT those types of rules to people as an undergrad in a couple of my volunteer positions and yet i still don't follow them. got caught in a sticky situation once, and lucked out in a big way once. like someone told me, it's always the other person until it happens to you. i like the rules assuming that they're manageable. you have to find a balance between safety and function.


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