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cantilena -> RE: Nice guy, rough fantasies = no love? (6/1/2008 10:52:42 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cyberdemon
Hi there. I am wondering if anyone has any advice on this topic. I'm sure there are other people out there with the same problem.
I'm a nice guy. Very friendly polite, gentle, very respectful of women. Whats more I look like a nice guy. I'm not big and tough. Nothing about me says "dominant". I'm not tall, I'm not muscle bound, I don't have tatoos, piercings. I'm not into the tough guy image and I like the way I look and act in my real life. In fact this is how I like to be most of the time.
Trouble is sexually I am really turned on by rough dominant sex. Particularly rape, bondage, humiliation. I'm not really into rape just fantasy because I really care about and respect women and I really enjoy being gentle and all cuddly gentle stuff too.
I wouldn't consider myself a Dom or want to be a Dom even. And please don't judge me by saying I'm a wannabe or I'm not really into this. The world's not black and white and I'm sure there are plenty of people along the spectrum who are really seriously turned on by some aspects of bdsm but don't want to be a Dom or a sub just want to be dominant or submissive at certain times, whether it be for sex or other things.
I don't know what to do. I am forever heartbroken. I avoid getting into a relationship because the kinds of girls that like me are attracted to nice guys (that's how I come across, you wouldn't guess). They aren't attracted to dominant men.
When I find I do a chance with a girl I am afraid of asking her out because I feel that even if se do go out when the cat comes out of the bag she'll reject me and then I'm in for even bigger heartbreak because I've grown close to her.
I do want to build serious relationships with women but I can't let it out right straight away because that would turn most women off.
I feel like I will always be alone, that I don't deserve to be loved. And that's hard because I am a very loving and caring guy, with a dominant streak. I have contemplated suicide before but hung on that there is some hope out there.
First off, welcome to the forums. You may want to repost your question on one of the other discussion boards for more input? I don't know how the community feels about reposts, but in an 'introduction' forum, you may not get as many responses as in some of the others.
Second, it sounds to me like you're a bedroom dominant. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever, and I think a lot of subs do in fact find that extremely attractive.
Thirdly, and most importantly, I'm not so sure you shouldn't get some help first for those suicidal tendencies before involving another in any relationship. I don't know you or your situation, but that's just not good.
Best to you.
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