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RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 3:38:00 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

What follows is only my opinion, and only has value as such.

Alison's 30% Rule: I will do anything a partner asks of me that does not damage myself, my partner, or anyone else and doesn't violate the laws of my country or the laws of physics. That said, I don't want a relationship where more than 30% of our sex life is spend engaged in any single activity.

So I've found that there are certain kinks which almost always will violate that rule: things that if that is what someone craves, that is what they always crave. So I tend not to enter long-term relationships where that is what is really wanted, because I feel it's not going to end well. Not that there is anything wrong with these, it's just that they aren't what I want to be doing all the time sexually- and sexuality is really important to me. Examples: feminization, erotic lactation, adult babies, humiliation in servitude, watersports, etc.

On the other hand there are things which it's very rarely for a partner to want all of the time, which makes them more fun to explore: strap ons, TENS units, bondage, nipple clamps, rope bondage, spankings, canings, etc.

How does this fit in your experience?

I'm with you all the way lass. My mind also tends to work along those lines about all things and includes a passion for philosophising the "imposible" at a mathamatical level. I mostly work through problems using quantum physics though. Not for the many i dare say though but we all have our own ways of sorting thyings out. Great post..

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 21

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 3:39:29 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

Alison's 30% Rule: I will do anything a partner asks of me that does not damage myself, my partner, or anyone else and doesn't violate the laws of my country or the laws of physics. That said, I don't want a relationship where more than 30% of our sex life is spend engaged in any single activity.

I do not quantify my activities or relationship. I also participate in activities that could be a violation of law depending on which country I was in at the time, and do damage or cause possible harm to each other. Sex is one of those activities, as an example. If I wasn't aware of the dangers that sexual intercourse with or without orgasm, I would call myself ignorant.

quote:

So I've found that there are certain kinks which almost always will violate that rule: things that if that is what someone craves, that is what they always crave. So I tend not to enter long-term relationships where that is what is really wanted, because I feel it's not going to end well. Not that there is anything wrong with these, it's just that they aren't what I want to be doing all the time sexually- and sexuality is really important to me. Examples: feminization, erotic lactation, adult babies, humiliation in servitude, watersports, etc.

On the other hand there are things which it's very rarely for a partner to want all of the time, which makes them more fun to explore: strap ons, TENS units, bondage, nipple clamps, rope bondage, spankings, canings, etc.

How does this fit in your experience?

It is purely about compatabilty, not about how boring something might become.

the.dark.

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Post #: 22

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 3:56:06 AM

FullCircle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
I have an engineer friend who has charted his entire sex life. He can tell you exactly how many blowjobs he had in March of 1986. It's also color coded. Quite impressive. I, on the other hand, do not have a Type A personality so I don't chart on paper or in my head.

That's nothing.

I've got an Excel spreadsheet that predicts future sexual activity based on empirical probability, it seems I'm going to be doing the missionary position quite a bit in the future.

Great pictures as always Aileen.

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Post #: 23

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 5:00:42 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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I do weird things with food.
   ya I don't mean sexually...well maybe a little
but
my point was
    I sort my sandwiches...after every bite I just automatically arrange it so next bite I get a little bit of each item in that bite again.
   I fill my fork with a little bit of each item on my plate....
it's borderline CD I know this.

but Im sure glad I don't approach my sexuality that way.

I like variety as much as the next person...but I honestly don't want to begin "keeping track" ... Id really rather just feel the feelings that whatever is being done or happening is creating in my mind and within me. Surrender...ahhhhhh the body and the mind. how can I be surrendering if I am full of expectations and keeping track?

If Im the top> I want to be free to explore and I really would like the person "under" me to not be full of expectations or judgements afterwards...
If youre simon cowell of the sex world, move along...thats just too much freekin pressure. You've lost touch with what your sexuality and sensuality is truly about and where it comes from..imo.

You can have a dungeon full of toys...and run the gambit of all 4 walls on my body, but if my mind and emotions are not being enticed, stroked, stimulated, aroused ENGAGED and important to you more so than those implements> eventually every item in your toybox will get boring.

But know how to BE stimulating with nothing in hand but your wit, sense of humor and passion to create passion ( in sex and in life ).....and that will rarely get boring....for me anyway.

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 24

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 5:05:27 AM

PsyVamp

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Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: servantheart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I have an engineer friend who has charted his entire sex life. He can tell you exactly how many blowjobs he had in March of 1986. It's also color coded. Quite impressive. I, on the other hand, do not have a Type A personality so I don't chart on paper or in my head.

That's just scary. I've always said that engineers and programmers are a special breed

Heh, I'm a programmer at heart...

To the OP... I "get" it. And I'd rather not be stuck in the "same ole', same ole'" for too long either, but I don't use numbers to quantify the time. I like my numbers where they are- in my spreadsheet for my lottery winnings budget

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(in reply to servantheart)

Post #: 25

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 5:07:27 AM

gypsygrl

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Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

I have a lot of rules (I think of them as rules of thumb, or guides, like a ruler), and appreciate you're wanting to have such a rule, though, personally, I don't quantify much but do tend to think in terms of balance and proportion. So, instead of thinking in terms of percentages, I might convert things into a bar graph or pie chart in my head. Ven diagrams are a favorite of mine for conceptualizing compatibility. The more the ven diagrams overlap, the more compatible I am with a person. I do like visuals. And, I do like getting at how people think differently about things. So, this is a fun conversation for me. :)

I have one favorite rule: there can be too much of a good thing. So, even though I love a certain activity, and generally feel positive about it, too much of it will cause a reaction formation and it will become a negative and I need to give it a rest.

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(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 26

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 6:30:49 AM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantheart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I have an engineer friend who has charted his entire sex life. He can tell you exactly how many blowjobs he had in March of 1986. It's also color coded. Quite impressive. I, on the other hand, do not have a Type A personality so I don't chart on paper or in my head.

That's just scary. I've always said that engineers and programmers are a special breed

Heh, I'm a programmer at heart...

LOL...so is hubby, which is why I know

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Post #: 27

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 6:42:37 AM

hardbodysub

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Joined: 8/7/2005
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I agree generally with you, fungasm. Variety adds spice. On the other hand, there are often some activities that people like SO much that they just can't get too much of them. And I disagree about putting bondage in the list of things that people rarely want all the time, unless you're defining it very narrowly as extremely restrictive and/or painful.

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 28

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 6:43:40 AM

Padriag

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Joined: 3/30/2005
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I have the (X+Y)-A*(B^2+C^2-D^3)=S rule where X is... um... I forget... but since I've never actually gotten around to figuring out what all that means... I just do whatever seems like fun at the time. So far it works.

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Post #: 29

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 7:28:41 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
i would venture to say that most people, kink or not, likes variety in their lives. They like to skip work one day to go to the beach, they like to vacation in a different spot this year, they like to rearrange the furniture.

My rule is to never rearrange more than 30% of the furniture at one time.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 30

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 7:36:44 AM

ProtagonistLily

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Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

doesn't violate the laws ......or the laws of physics.

Pumpkin, you are missing some of the most fun stuff :)

PL

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Post #: 31

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:09:32 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
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quote:

So I've found that there are certain kinks which almost always will violate that rule: things that if that is what someone craves, that is what they always crave.

I haven't run across someone who craved a specific kink all the time, but if I did then I could indulge my own kink for just saying no. Of course, I wouldn't deny it all the time, but would likely chose to use it like a reward or special occasion. Dunno how that tactic would work, though -- such enthusiasts may just be better off with someone just as enthusiastic about the same kink.

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Post #: 32

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:17:47 AM

Prinsexx

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I don't do quantitative analysis with my sex life.
I only do qualitative........
heavens forbid if my personal life ever summounted to a series of tick boxes.......where would I put all the freaks?

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Post #: 33

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:19:46 AM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

quote:

doesn't violate the laws ......or the laws of physics.

Pumpkin, you are missing some of the most fun stuff :)

PL

Yes like what goes up doesn't always go down................

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
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Post #: 34

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:21:18 AM

scslave4Master

Posts: 20
Joined: 5/4/2008
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never really thought about it before but the 30% rule makes a lot of sense

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 35

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:21:32 AM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I just do whatever seems like fun at the time. So far it works.

Yeah...

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Post #: 36

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:23:39 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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quote:

I don't do quantitative analysis with my sex life.
I only do qualitative........
heavens forbid if my personal life ever summounted to a series of tick boxes.......where would I put all the freaks?

You could use something like a bell curve. The freaks go on either the right or left extreme.

Or a plot them on a graph with 4 quadrants with the center, where the horizontal and vertical lines intersect, being normal vanilla mainstream on all counts. :)

I'm a qualitative thinker, but I do like to come up with different ways of visualizing things. It helps me to expand my range of thinking. (not sure if I can explain that)

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 6/1/2008 8:25:13 AM >

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Post #: 37

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:28:48 AM

fungasm

Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Your experiences don't fit in with mine at all. Our sex life would appear boring to you as we use the same position each and every time. We both have health issues and the position we have chosen is comfortable for us both. The other activities you mentioned are not sexual in nature to us. They are the fun activities we do just because they are fun. We tend to laugh an awful lot while playing with floggers or violet wands, or TENS units. Isn't it neat how we are all so different from one another??!!

It is fabulous how we are all so different!

Just because it's not what I look for doesn't make it boring. I am so sorry if that is how it sounded. I truly didn't mean to denigrate anyone elses experience.

The point I was trying to make: I'll do anything for my partner that they enjoy, even it it isn't completely fulfilling for me. To use a Savage Love reference, I'll be GGG- Good, Giving and Game on just about anything. But I've become rather reluctant to enter into a long term partnership with someone who likes certain things, because experience has taught me that if I do their fetish or fantasy will become the majority of our sex life, and that's not what I want.

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Post #: 38

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:31:36 AM

fungasm

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SummerWind

"I was told there would be no math".......

By whom?

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Post #: 39

RE: My 30% Rule - 6/1/2008 8:33:36 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

I don't do quantitative analysis with my sex life.
I only do qualitative........
heavens forbid if my personal life ever summounted to a series of tick boxes.......where would I put all the freaks?

well ... duh! In the box marked "FREAKS"

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 40

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