Future relationships

Future relationships (Full Version)

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Owner4SexSlave -> Future relationships (5/28/2008 2:44:29 PM)
I've been at somewhat of a cross roads lately. A very important aspect that was brought out on the "Shaping and Molding" thread, was how Doms are shaped and molded along with the submissive. My mind has contemplated several things, while reading profiles and giving things honest thought and consideration. For instance, I have never been with somebody who deems themselve as being an extreme painslut. My S&M experiences I consider to be somewhat in the middle or moderate. My wonders in thought, in what ways a pain slut would shape me. In terms of BDSM activities. Somebody who would allow me to fully explore my more sadistic sides. Just how far down the rabbit hole would I go? To what level, to what limit. Then I pause for a moment. It was all just a thought. I discovered in the last year, that the Whole Daddy/Daughter dynamic really appeals to me. I stop and reflect upon this, for a moment. About who that dynamic would shape and change me. Going again to new levels, I have not fully gone before. I have explored in thoughts about what it would be like to own a slave who desires to be treated on a daily basis more in the manner I've kept limited to scene play. I also damn well know, I've done things that were outside of scene play before. OK, so... how much of the compartmentalized box could I actually cross over. Mind you, it would be all a consensual and understood that this is going to happen type of relationship. Again, something new for me, to decompartmentalize things more. How far and to what level? My mind questions things.. I find myself exploring a wide range of possible combinations of things, each and every one shaping and molding me. Different directions, Different levels, Different experiences. I really have nothing set in stone in regards to any one thing, however I've been keeping an open mind. My question is this, does anybody else go through the same or similar thoughts when exploring potential future relationships in your mind?

xxblushesxx -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 3:00:23 PM)
Yes. I also don't see a huge dichotomy between daddy dom/baby girl dynamics and pain slut dynamics. I think in our relationship we have elements of each. Although I'd like more of both...

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 3:27:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Yes. I also don't see a huge dichotomy between daddy dom/baby girl dynamics and pain slut dynamics. I think in our relationship we have elements of each. Although I'd like more of both... Not all "Little Girls" are not big on pain. Not all Painsluts are "Little Girls"... I was just expressing Variety of things and how those specific things affect what is possible. Nowa girl who's into Daddy/Daughter and is Painslut... that's just expands upon the two possible growing directions at the same time! 2 for 1 special.. well sort of...

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 3:52:36 PM)
I haven't met a person yet whose path was exactly as they envisioned it five years ago, and in a huge majority of the cases, it's in ways they never imagined actually would occur to them. Interpersonal long term intimate relationships are extremely complicated when it comes to identity and shaping of desires. And remember, any question that begins "Does anyone else ?" the answer is always yes.

mzbehavin -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 4:07:49 PM)
Thats part of the fun, sorting it all out. The hard part was for me to understand what was my own desire, and what was being super-imposed on me by my perceived reality, (and physical partner.) I find joy in learning to be strong enough to communicate what i need/want. It took me a long time. Finding One to guide me through it all has been much more complicated.

laura2161 -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 4:17:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave My question is this, does anybody else go through the same or similar thoughts when exploring potential future relationships in your mind? Yes, but I consider all that growing,learning and expanding. Whether its expanding limits or new thought processes. Maybe learning about something you have never heard of before and realizing that damn, it really sounds like it would fit into the way you want to live your life. See, I know the type of relationship I need and want but I also know that there will be a point, whether a month from now, year from now or 10 years from now, that something will be 'added' to what I already want. To me that's just expanding on the core relationship.

oblige -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 6:11:46 PM)
I still have not figured out how to do partial quotes in the nifty little little boxes here, <g> So.. You said: "My question is this, does anybody else go through the same or similar thoughts when exploring potential future relationships in your mind? " Oh my yes! Since other than a few scenes at public events and tons of reading and talking and listening defining and then un-defining who I am and what I want, I am new to all this and seeking to explore with someone(s.) all I do know is I tend to be submissive-- sexually as well as a general service orieted giving nature, and so have only so far desired to bottom. The rest is wide open and exciting (scary, but I tend not to be the fearful, jaded type) so mostly exciting! I think in life, not just in D/s or M/s dynamic we each mold and shape one another just by human interaction. (I read that discussion too) I guess that has always been one of my views--that life is a process or journey in which every event, person and expereince shapes the path(s) followed. Definitions are handy for conversations and general points of commonality within a sub-culture, but experiemtation and openness can be a good thing too. Once I tend to "believe" or "know" something definitively, my blinders are on and I might miss some great opportunity from the periphery. (In the above I refer to relationship interactions, of course.) As far as s/m play, who ever is participating should know how to do it, and as a bottom I should have some knowledge of what to expect..for obvious safety reasons. But to me a D/s relationship part takes care of a lot of the s/m part, since with trust edges can be pushed and exploration happens. Since I am not a major masochist..(so far,) I tend to trust who ever is Topping me after we have visited/negotiated some. I have only played a few scenes in public venues,. There is soo much I want to explore in relationship as well as s/m activities, gradually, especially after atending a large function in Portland, OR. called Kinkfest the past 2 years, and watching sooo many interesting activities in the dungeon parties. <eg> It's kinda hard to do as a single though, so off I go to munches sometimes in a town 45 miles away, and here I am. sigh I have been told by a Master/ freind of mine who I respect a lot, (and agree knowing myself and being no youngster,) that I am a pretty high functioning, smart, assertive, competent submissive. It is like I am now FULLY conscious that I have also been missing a huge blank spot by never having really had a D/s relationship. Oh, in my vanilla marriage I certainly served and pampered and gave, but they were not D/s per se. My desire to serve and be Dominated is also growing by leaps and bounds. <g> I am so glad there seem to be many subs like me who have found a Dominant partner(s.) Thank you for your thoughts! ~oblige

HornyToadsMI -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 6:56:15 PM)
You know, we have been chatting alittle about your desires and interests. I almost get a feeling that something major in your life has taken place in the last year. Something so big, that it has completely opened up your mind to new horizons. If I am wrong - then 100 lashes with the flog of your choice. :) If I were in your shoes, I would sit down and make a list of all the bdsm things I wanto experience. I would make it my "bucket list" per se. Then I would go down the list, one by one, and try them out. If I like it, then I would maybe incorporate it into the next experience. And since your desires are so vast, then you may have to find mulitple partners in helping you explore all the different directions you wish to go. So, play the field, have fun, and find yourself! :)

Leatherist -> RE: Future relationships (5/28/2008 10:45:26 PM)
Someone who finds my overall life vision more important and exciting than my kinks. My priorities are pretty simple.

oblige -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 12:31:55 AM)
Are you responding to me HornyToadsM? Finding the right folks to "try" any "bucket list "of s/m curiosities can be an issue when single, eh? Thanks for the encouragement. I am doing the best I can being single and 45 miles from the nearest town with activities.. Too bad you two are across the nation from me, huh. Oh, and I dunno about any particular major thang in my life this past year, it was actually a couple years ago. note to me (100 flogger lashes owed,) hehe. Other than taking time to get my insides aligned a bit more with my outsides after some introduction to things and concepts in bdsm , yanno, lacking bdsm experiences but open and willing for what or who ever shows up and seems ok? May I talk to you sometime on the message side of this place? Ok, I may just send you a message. Thanks much HornyToadsMI. ~oblige

daddysliloneds -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 4:17:49 AM)
in my minds eye, it's always fun to try exploring what's behind doors #1, 2 and 3 if need be; otherwise, how will i know if i've found where i truly belong.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 7:28:07 AM)
I understand what you are saying Whip...~s~. When I joined collarme a couple of years ago, it was with the intention of deliberately taking time away from a D/s relationship that was ending and finding ME. Not the type of existential, midage-crisis, hippie-like pursuit of some inanity but more of a recovery process. During that recovery process, I did indeed find Me but have also opened new doors within myself. One of those doors that opened was the one that showed that I had an interest in Daddy/little girl dynamics. As I have learned more about them, I've also come to realize that the parts that appeal to me are the parts most contradictory to each other...the darker side of it and the good, uplifting side of it. Another door shut for me...the space that had involved exploring whatever masochistic side I thought I had. I have none...I love sensation, love to be scratched...touched...bitten...gripped but I realized through thought and analysis of the situations I had put myself into with the help of a willing partner several years ago that prolonged pain was not for me. No, not even a light spanking. ~smiles~ Another door that opened was the door to the realization that I do have a set group of rules and guidelines and premises that I wish to base a D/s relationship on and that they mesh with the rules and guidelines and premises that I wish to base a romantic relationship on. Yet, I can engage in a casual relationship as long as it is understood that the Basic Rules I have...regarding D/s and "romantic" encounters and that the more complex rules do not. Does anybody notice anything? I did...and that is that I am a creature of contradictions and contrasts. While I have rules, there is room for leeway depending on the infraction and the intent and the degree of the infraction...e.g....a deception by my partner will not be met with the same response each time. Reason? *(short disclaimer here...MY belief, not necessarily anyone else's nor an indictiment of anyone who believes differently)* Because a reasonable human being and a reasonable dominant understands that his submissive is first and foremost, human and therefore subject to making mistakes. This helped to develop one of my three Basic Rules: Rule Number 2: Patience and understanding. I will be patient and understanding with you and I expect the same from you. I am dominant, not Uber Dominant. I make mistakes like any other man. You are submissive, not Uber Submissive and you will foul up, just as any other female does. What matters is whether or not we learn from those mistakes and give each other the freedom to be able to make them, while knowing that there are repercussions to making those mistakes and the freedom not to fear immediate dismissal because of them. I continue to learn more about myself and that is good...the day I stop learning is the day when I have become too jaded or too dead to learn anything new.

GreedyTop -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 8:07:39 AM)
nicely said, CD

MstrObjectmaker -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 8:47:54 AM)
YES!! I think about all aspects of pursuing a BDSM relationship just about every day. I wonder about just how far to explore and whether the person I'm exploring with really wishes to explore as far as I do. At the moment I'm just beginnig to discover what kind of alternative lifestyle suits me. What elements I would prefer to include within a relationship. So yes is the answer.

subtee -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 8:51:11 AM)
No...I am just being.

Wolfsrealm -> RE: Future relationships (5/29/2008 9:50:46 AM)
Absolutely! Even though Master and I have been together for quite a while now, I constantly think of new things I want to explore, and I know he does too. Like many people have said here, it's important to explore all options you think you might find interesting. When it comes to sadism, age play or any other fetish, it all depends on the sub. So find someone as open-minded as you are to explore these things with! You probably already know this, but it's no good to try to "convert" someone. I've tried and learned from that mistake. Everyone gets hurt. You know what you want, so never lose sight of it.

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