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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 9:23:10 AM

Alumbrado

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Somebody let me know when 'playing too hard' gets defined.

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 9:24:57 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

Somebody let me know when 'playing too hard' gets defined.

Well if they call EMS....right?

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 9:26:15 AM

Alumbrado

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Only if they stay... calling them to borrow some defib paddles is just part of the play...

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 10:10:29 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

It seems that over the years I have noticed a recurring theme in regards to public play. I've noticed it coming mostly from the "s" side of the equation, but they don't have an exclusive market on it. What I am referring to is the need for some folks to either brag or apologize for their play style.

Most often I've heard those who brag about the heaviness of their play or how much they can take. (I think we've probably all heard that one.) I've also had the experience several times over of a submissive who seems apologetic for the lighter nature of their play. (I'm sorry, that scene probably seemed boring to you but I just can't play hard like you can.) On an occasion or two I have even heard a heavier player apologize for their play, although I think it has usually been a veiled attempt at bragging. (I'm sorry, I hope I didn't freak anyone here out with that scene...I like to play hard.) It's almost as if they perceive that there is some kind of race going on....or some unseen barometer by which they think that their submission is being judged.

I am sure it occurs on the dominant end too but maybe my orientation keeps me from coming in contact with that particular mentality more often.

Do you feel like you are being somehow judged by your particular play style? If so, why? I really don't understand it. If two people are enjoying what they are doing...are both in full consent...does it really matter if they are up there whipping the skin off each other or throwing cotton balls at each other? Aren't both of those things equally beautiful if all parties involved are happy with them?

I guess that what I just wanted to say is that if you are doing what makes you happy...don't worry about how others are viewing them.

For me, it's all about the energy between the participants, whether they are playing with feathers, floggers or forklifts. If I've really appreciated a public scene of any type and I have the opportunity, I'll mention it to them and thank them for it. If I didn't care for the scene, I just keep my damn mouth shut. Anything else, to me, is quite crass and akin to walking up to a stranger in a restaurant and disparaging his choice of entrée. Just not something done in polite company.

Celeste

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 11:05:06 AM

gypsygrl

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I don't like playing heavy in public. At a party, I try to keep things light because I'm uncomfortable with the idea of going into deep subspace in an unfamiliar environment. On a couple occasasions, I've had panic attacks transitioning out of subspace, so I'm pretty careful about going there. For me it takes a lot of trust to go there so unless I know everyone in the room, I'm going to want to keep my wits about me. This works for me. Its not a competition. Its not a race. My personal mantra is 'slow down, you'll get there faster.'

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 11:51:06 AM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Do you feel like you are being somehow judged by your particular play style? If so, why?

Yes, and because many people are judging me or are outright judgemental. I rarely top in public and when I do I always play very light, because it's largely not acceptable to play hard in front of others. I've also ran into those who have been catty behind other people's back because they felt they didn't play hard enough.

That's just how people are as a general group... they judge, talk about each other, position for stature, popularity, and just plain enjoy commenting and gossiping.

Some folks aren't like that as individuals, but when you get a social structure going it's bound to happen within it.

Personally, I'm of the "don't really care" types as far as other people's play. Have fun, do whatever suits you, I really couldn't care one way or another. And it's not at all that I'm some wonderful person, I'm admittedly just so ego-centric that I can't be bothered to care about the way others do it so long as no one is being hurt non-consensually.

But I am aware of it from the other end and adjust to it, just as is the case with other aspects of human interaction.

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 12:11:25 PM

LadyPact

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The funny thing is, I get both sides of the spectrum. Like Lady H said, and time a female Top plays in public, it draws attention. People see how hard I play with clip and wonder why I'm so harsh on him. (General answer, he likes it.) Then, they see Me play with someone else and wonder why I'm so 'soft' on them. When people make these kind of inquiries or observations, I just consider that some don't understand that the play is between the two of us, and it's on the level we've decided.

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 2:51:27 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Judged? Perhaps, but only in the way that we're all judged all the time. The hot sexy cool flashy play tends to get the most attention and be the most memorable. A long slow sensuous intimate quiet scene that only outwardly looks like a mild flogging will not garner the same reaction or judgement at all. The former will get all the chatter and "He's really intense" while the latter might not be remembered at all.

I am aware of this, and occasionally it pings and annoys as all surface judgements do, but ultimately no it's not a big deal. I just keep doing what I do.

I still have a story to finish off tonight or tomorrow and post; then I'm, err, disappearing for a while when LadyRainfire gets up here. However, I rather prefer the layered and intimate scenery, so if you have a request for a story idea in that vein, LA, lemme know, eh?

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 2:53:20 PM

Evility

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I played in bar bands for about twenty years off and on. I could have stayed home and played my guitar in private or joined a band that just got together in someone's garage once a month to jam with a lot less hassle. I chose to get out in public and perform. I'm sure just about everyone who ever saw us play made their own sort of judgments about what they saw. Sometimes they were vocal about it but most often not.

I don't see anything terribly different about bdsm play in public. Much of what you are likely to see in public play can easily be done at home without dragging all of your shit to the local dungeon. Much of my favorite play activities are off limits in public venues. Maybe that's why I don't play in public - I'd bore myself to tears long before anyone else nodded off. Point being that you could have stayed home and done all of this. I think part of what drives every public player is the performer in them.

When you perform in public you open yourself up to public opinion. I don't comment to other people on their play because they likely couldn't care any more about my opinion of their style than I do about their opinion of mine. People are going to form opinions. If you aren't comfortable with that then stay home or mingle on the sidelines.

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 3:37:02 PM

gypsygrl

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quote:

I think part of what drives every public player is the performer in them.

I disagree. I really thrive on being a part of a community. I had to work really hard to get over my discomfort with the performance aspects of public play.

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 3:43:25 PM

DesFIP

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Judging by the mail I got when new, from various doms promising they would make me a hard core pain slut in no time, bragging exists on that end also.

As long as you know what you are interested in and make it clear to others where your line is, you shouldn't have that much trouble finding a compatible play partner. Of course, I get comments all the time that I don't belong here because I'm only into bondage and not s & m.

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RE: Inferiority or Superiority in play styles? - 5/28/2008 5:15:20 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Do you feel like you are being somehow judged by your particular play style? If so, why?

Sure... just as I judge others.... We judge things all the time... we judge them by our own person standards. However, in the end.. .It's my judgement that counts for me. I enjoy what I do.. .and you know what.. I enjoy others that I precieve are having fun or looks like fun for me. I have watched the odd intense scene that look great.. and I seen some that was like watching paint dry by some experience people. I have watch alot of fun play by novice or intermediate skilled people too and some not so fun looking. What's the big deal of having an opinion of what I like and what I don't like to watch?

I don't really understand what the big deal of being judged in the first place... some may like it.. some may not and some might just be indifferent. Some will tell you.. but alot more will never say a word.....

But in the end.. the only thing that matters to me.. is what I and the people I play with think with regards to my own play. If other like it ... good for them.. if they don't.. .no big deal to me..

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