i like this dom... (Full Version)

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iheartcupcakes -> i like this dom... (5/24/2008 9:17:21 AM)

& i think he likes me... sometimes. other times he falls off the planet for several days & ignores me :(. he's away on business a lot & we haven't spent much time together so i guess i'm still under consideration. what should i do to get him to pay attention to me?



antipode -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 9:35:28 AM)

I've never understood this "under consideration" bs, you go with somebody or you don't. The bad news is, you can't change somebody's behaviour - that has nothing to do with BDSM or M/s, it is a relationship issue. The only way (ever...) you can work out whether he is interested or not, is to take a walk - stop communicating, play hard to get. But if you do that, and it has the desired result, you're going to have to do that every other month, if his current behaviour is anything to go by. My guess? "Away on business" is not a valid excuse, I will often take a sub on trips with me, to show her the high life.



Lynnxz -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 9:39:41 AM)

Stick a note in his locker saying "Do you like me? Check yes or no"

I don't know.. if you are having to fight for his attention this early on, I doubt that it's going to get any better.  He may just be too busy at work, or he may not be at work at all, and just coming to you for a quick kinky fix.



lronitulstahp -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 9:41:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iheartcupcakes

& i think he likes me... sometimes. other times he falls off the planet for several days & ignores me :(. he's away on business a lot & we haven't spent much time together so i guess i'm still under consideration. what should i do to get him to pay attention to me?
[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image] Maybe he read your profile...the part about only wanting to meet females



iheartcupcakes -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 9:58:44 AM)

yeah... i know it sounds kind of stupid. but when i do actually see him, i really, really like him which is extremely rare for me. i'm never really that into anyone. i just really want to please him more than i've ever wanted to please anyone. i know he really is busy @ work & i am kind of a lot of work since i'm so new & need a lot of attention. i'm afraid if i stop vying for his attention, he'll just find somebody else so even tho' this is kinda no fun for me, i feel like i'd be miserable anyway if i gave up on him.

i met him elsewhere & the females only thing is b/c i don't want to be with another dom.



Wantstocontrolu -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 10:29:11 AM)

Are you SURE he is not married ?



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 10:43:33 AM)

my opinion - you're making a lot of guesses here and putting a lot of stock into a relationship that might not be there. you like him but you think he likes you ...you think you're under consideration (could never understand this either) but not really sure. 

the best way to get his attention - phone, email, text him ...tell him what you want ...and if he doesn't respond back, then you have your answer.





Cdub2U -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 10:55:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iheartcupcakes

& i think he likes me...  what should i do to get him to pay attention to me?



Don't bother; be who you are and if he wants you, he will be there for you.




azropedntied -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 10:59:29 AM)

Wow you did that yourself , i always got a couple friends to apply the note , gee what if i were seen doing it .
Tooo funny !

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Stick a note in his locker saying "Do you like me? Check yes or no"





AquaticSub -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 11:11:58 AM)

Have you tried outright asking him to pay more attention to you? Doms aren't mind-readers.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 12:05:29 PM)

Agreed with Aquatic, exactly what have you done so far to try and get your desires and needs met?

If you have tried things and his behavior continues, you simply have to ask yourself whether you want to encourage this behavior and continue to have this relationship or not.  You teach others how to treat you.



ResidentSadist -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 1:13:40 PM)

What she said  ^  (I just don't type fast enough when LA is around)



Bound2One -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 1:20:40 PM)

Have you met him or have you only chatted online?  If he's not meeting your needs, make them known and if he still doesn't make an effort to meet them or explain how he envisions the relationship, then you have to figure out if it's worth hanging on and waiting in the wings. 



LadyRainfire -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 1:40:28 PM)

There is simply so much missing here that it's hard to give any kind of opinion. Maybe it's work, maybe it's his family Not necessarily a wife but um's or parents) maybe he has a life, is this online or r/t (and we won't go there!!!)..... The list goes on.

Ask him. Any relationship is about communication. Are you being too needy? Is he ignoring you? Testing you? Maybe just clueless? Have you told him you wish for more time together? Take the time to think about what you want and talk with him calmly. Make sure both your needs can be met. Then go from there..... Agonizing over this will get you nowhere but sleepless nights, frustrated, headaches and heartaches.



iheartcupcakes -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 1:54:04 PM)

thanks for all the input. i'm not usually like this i swear...

we have met in person. but he's been away for a few weeks.

he does have a very busy job i know that for sure

i probably am being a bit needy. it's just hard b/c he was supposed to come back last week... & the week before that so my excitement & anticipation has turned to disappointment & frustration

but i still really like him

i guess i'll just send him a message explaining how i feel about it w/o being too needy & see what happens.

i think maybe i've just been trying to pretend that i'm fine about it when really i'm kinda freaking out

anywho... thanks for listening :)



Floggings4You -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 2:34:43 PM)

My submissive and I communicate daily.  I am married (both My wife and My sub know about My relationship with My sub), and I'm also a full-time artist.  The other day, I was in the studio (at home) late into the evening, and missed a phone call from My sub.  she'd had a rough day and wanted to talk.
 
Anyway, My point is, sometimes things really do happen, and communication gets severed. 
 
But, for Him to vanish for 'several days', seems excessive.
 
(Also, you should probably tell the truth on your profile.  If you've met a Dom you really like, and are no longer looking, why not just say so?) 



iheartcupcakes -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 2:39:59 PM)

wasn't trying to be deceptive @ all just looking for friends who are girls... i wouldn't really call this an actual d/s relationship at this point.



windchymes -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 4:49:10 PM)

Based on what the OP has said, it doesn't sound like they actually have a relationship where she should be complaining to him about her needs being met.  She "really likes him" and "thinks" he likes her.  He hasn't made any type of commitment, sees him only occasionally, and then he ignores her for days on end.  I don't see where he's taken on any role of being responsible for her happiness at this stage.

When someone's into you, you don't have to vy for their attention.  If he wants to find someone else, he'll do it whether you're vying for his attention or not.  Every one of us in here has had at least one person in our lives that we've really liked, even fallen madly in love with, and they didn't return the feeling.  It hurts and sucks big time, but it's part of life.  Just because he's the first guy you've ever really been into doesn't mean he's the only one.  Keep meeting people.  There's someone out there for you somewhere.

Of course, I see nothing wrong with giving him a little nudge....like "Hey, that was a great time the other night.. and you seemed to have a great time, too.  So, how are you feeling about "us"?  or something along those lines.  If he gives you some vague answer and then disappears again, that should tell you how he really feels.  But saying, "Oh God, I like you sooooo  much and I need you and miss you when you're gone and I don't hear from you for days.  I need to hear from you every day or I just go crazy...."  you will definitely come off as sounding needy.



SimplyMichael -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 4:50:07 PM)

Forward your phone to his wife's cell phone..that should get his attention.



LostLittleSoul2 -> RE: i like this dom... (5/24/2008 5:16:44 PM)

all i can say is that i am thankfully out of a stupid neverending 2.5 year circle of "i am sorry i am busy"-pseudo-relationship, which was in reality more like a convenient fuck connection for him when it suited him then anything else. this was a guy who didnt live too far away from myself.

regarding connections on here and "under consideration" it might be worth it to mention your connection with him in your blog by his nikname, such as under consideration by XYZ-Dom or that your current interest is only to serve Master XYZ or whatever and then make him aware about. because recently i had a guy who was fooling around (well, at least i am fairly sure he does even when he had moments where he sounded pretty good and who knows he might still proof me wrong at the end.... though i dont think so, but am happy to be surprised for a change) and making a big fuss i would be his and his idea to spend holiday in the same place this summer. for pretending this then he was pretty annoyed that i dared to mention him in my profile and that i have to take it out again...therefore, how serious is he then???  fooling i can myself I dont need someone else to do that. due to countless games on here my profile (Lostlittlesoul) ended up a fair bit cynical  by now but at least it keeps off many people and for now I am not waiting too desperate for his next email anymore, even when I felt for him like you described.

and I can only agree to
quote:

communication gets severed. 
 
But, for Him to vanish for 'several days', seems excessive.


if he wants to then he can make a fairly daily connection. the guy i mentioned wrote daily several times in the beginning, at the moment i didnt hear from him the last two days and got told straight away that he hasnt much time to talk (all of a sudden, what a surprise), but expects me then to do certain things to proof to him that i am serious as we had a little ridicioulus argument...well, am too old to be so stupid to take online orders here from anyone before meeting face to face...

but good luck and I do hope you get proofen better then me about this topic [:)]



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