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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 5:34:25 PM   
MstrVik


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/31/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LearningDom255
It seems I haven't found anyone that accepts my style of who I am, and I try and change to adhere to what other people would "want". I think about things like this far too much and I think it's part of my problem.


Yeah, I think that could very well be part of your problem. I don't see why you would want to change, or try to change, at all. For most people (except for those into 'role-play' I guess) posing can actually be a real turn-off. For me, bdsm is much about self-discovery; probing into deeper layers of oneself - and, as I see it, you can only do that by being who you truly are.
Frankly, I think this could be more about her than about you though. And I see a real possibility, as DiurnalVampire also stated, that she could be (deliberately or not) aiming to manipulate you. Some subs will try that in some way or other, and if so, it's up to you to nip'em in the bud - or just leave it...

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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 7:02:13 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
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I guess I am one of those who thinks D/s is just revealing what is in you. While you may learn techniques, you can't learn to be something you are not. Just my opinion.

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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 7:19:05 PM   
CraZYWiLLiE


Posts: 161
Joined: 1/24/2008
From: HD NM
Status: offline
I have one bit of advice for you.
Treat her as a slave ! Leave your heart somewhere else, use the feelings you have for her.

(in reply to StormsSlave)
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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 7:54:32 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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~fr~ In my opinion, I think the first thing you should do is get offline.   I am not judging that it is/was an online relationship.  It was a relationship.  In relationships, (real life or online) we develop habits in relation to the other person.

Online is no different and quite possibly can be more difficult to 'get over'.  During those 4 months, habits have been created, computer habits.  You get up...you check...you get home from work....you check...  Try taking a short break from the computer or change your user habits.  Slowly at first, such as don't check for response from her before you go to work, one day.  And then check when you get home. 

It is not easy getting over someone, but with really small steps it can be done.  You will come out the other side a smarter and stronger man. 

Good luck!

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 9:07:23 PM   
LearningDom255


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Joined: 5/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

Online is no different and quite possibly can be more difficult to 'get over'.  During those 4 months, habits have been created, computer habits.  You get up...you check...you get home from work....you check...  Try taking a short break from the computer or change your user habits.  Slowly at first, such as don't check for response from her before you go to work, one day.  And then check when you get home. 


This is true, I did start to check at least once a day, simply because I enjoyed talking to her. I liked reading what she had to say, it was nice to have someone to talk to you know? I guess I may have just been too smothering, too annoying. I don't know, I wish I could go back to when it was not like this.

I felt happy for once in the first time in my life, knowing (or at least I thought) that I had someone to wanted to please me, talk to me and be there for me. When we fought last night she really said some hurtful things that took me by surprise, almost as if she had been meaning to say them. Normally I don't care what other people say, but in her case, since I respected what she said, that was a low blow.

Blah, I should just stop worrying about it, but I can't get her out of my head. She meant so much to me, and I told her that, and now it's all for nothing.

(in reply to angelic)
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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 9:48:34 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
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Two words.
 
Main Entry: strength




Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'stre[ng](k)th, 'stren(t)th
Inflected Form(s): plural strengths

/'stre[ng](k)ths, 'stren(t)ths, 'stre[ng]ks/
Etymology: Middle English strengthe, from Old English strengthu; akin to Old High German strengi strong -- more at STRONG
1 : the quality or state of being strong : capacity for exertion or endurance
2 : power to resist force : SOLIDITY , TOUGHNESS
3 : power of resisting attack : IMPREGNABILITY
4 a : legal, logical, or moral force b : a strong attribute or inherent asset <the strengths and the weaknesses of the book are evident>
5 a : degree of potency of effect or of concentration b : intensity of light, color, sound, or odor c : vigor of expression
6 : force as measured in numbers : effective numbers of any body or organization <an army at full strength>
7 : one regarded as embodying or affording force or firmness : SUPPORT
8 : maintenance of or a rising tendency in a price level : firmness of prices
9 : BASIS -- used in the phrase on the strength of
synonym see POWER
- from strength to strength : vigorously forward : from one high point to the next

Main Entry: 1Power


Function: noun
Pronunciation: 'pau(-&)r
Usage: often attributive
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French poeir, from poeir to be able, from (assumed) Vulgar Latin potere, alteration of Latin posse -- more at POTENT
1 a (1) : ability to act or produce an effect (2) : ability to get extra-base hits (3) : capacity for being acted upon or undergoing an effect b : legal or official authority, capacity, or right
2 a : possession of control, authority, or influence over others b : one having such power ; specifically : a sovereign state c : a controlling group : ESTABLISHMENT -- often used in the phrase the powers that be d archaic : a force of armed men e chiefly dialect : a large number or quantity
3 a : physical might b : mental or moral efficacy c : political control or influence
4 plural : an order of angels -- see CELESTIAL HIERARCHY
5 a : the number of times as indicated by an exponent that a number occurs as a factor in a product ; also : the product itself b : CARDINAL NUMBER 2
6 a : a source or means of supplying energy ; especially : ELECTRICITY b : MOTIVE POWER c : the time rate at which work is done or energy emitted or transferred
7 : MAGNIFICATION 2b
8 : 1 scope 3
9 : the probability of rejecting the null hypothesis in a statistical test when a particular alternative hypothesis happens to be true
synonyms POWER , AUTHORITY , JURISDICTION , CONTROL , COMMAND , SWAY , DOMINION mean the right to govern or rule or determine. POWER implies possession of ability to wield force, permissive authority, or substantial influence <the power to mold public opinion>. AUTHORITY implies the granting of power for a specific purpose within specified limits <gave her attorney the authority to manage her estate>. JURISDICTION applies to official power exercised within prescribed limits <the bureau having jurisdiction over alcohol and firearms>. CONTROL stresses the power to direct and restrain <you are responsible for the students under your control>. COMMAND implies the power to make arbitrary decisions and compel obedience <the army officer in command>. SWAY suggests the extent or scope of exercised power or influence <an empire that extended its sway over the known world>. DOMINION stresses sovereign power or supreme authority <given dominion over all the animals>.
synonyms POWER , FORCE , ENERGY , STRENGTH , MIGHT mean the ability to exert effort. POWER may imply latent or exerted physical, mental, or spiritual ability to act or be acted upon <the awesome power of flowing water>. FORCE implies the actual effective exercise of power <used enough force to push the door open>. ENERGY applies to power expended or capable of being transformed into work <a worker with boundless energy>. STRENGTH applies to the quality or property of a person or thing that makes possible the exertion of force or the withstanding of strain, pressure, or attack <use weight training to build your strength>. MIGHT implies great or overwhelming power or strength <the belief that might makes right>.

There endeth the lesson.

CD


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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to LearningDom255)
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RE: At Wits End - 5/21/2008 10:53:52 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
In addition to everything else: work to make yourself a better person. Work on your psycological health, your self awareness, your emotional IQ. Anything that makes you a better person makes you a better Dom (or slave or whatever you want to be).

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LearningDom255)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: At Wits End - 5/22/2008 10:34:30 PM   
LearningDom255


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

So, I hate to sound cold, but here's my two bits.  She's done with you.  Get over it.  There are other women, other loves, and as much as it hurts now, you can't change her choice.  She's been clear in her avoidance of you that she doesn't want to be with you.  Pressing the issue isn't going to help, and is sort of stalkerish.  I know.  I've been there. 



I know, and I should. It's just very hard for me to get over something which spiraled out of control so quickly, and I'm frantically trying to climb my way back up to get back to her.

She meant so much to me and now she's gone, I can't get her out of my mind and I wish there was something I could do to get her back.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: At Wits End - 5/22/2008 10:36:17 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LearningDom255

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

So, I hate to sound cold, but here's my two bits.  She's done with you.  Get over it.  There are other women, other loves, and as much as it hurts now, you can't change her choice.  She's been clear in her avoidance of you that she doesn't want to be with you.  Pressing the issue isn't going to help, and is sort of stalkerish.  I know.  I've been there. 



I know, and I should. It's just very hard for me to get over something which spiraled out of control so quickly, and I'm frantically trying to climb my way back up to get back to her.

She meant so much to me and now she's gone, I can't get her out of my mind and I wish there was something I could do to get her back.




The moment they decide they have had enough,it is out of your hands. Look forward now,not back.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 5/22/2008 10:37:31 PM >


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RE: At Wits End - 5/22/2008 10:54:35 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LearningDom255

That's just it, she never would tell me what I was lacking, and it kept me guessing. It could of been anything. I tried to figure it out, but it's very difficult when they just won't tell you.



I always see that kind of communication as being very gamey.

They are either unable or unwilling to share their feelings, their needs, their wants with me. Guessing at any of those is at best hit or miss. And that isn't good enough for me.

Because I care about the people I'm involved with I'm willing to talk with them to try and sort it out. I'll devote lots of energy to those processes of discovery and expression. Lots of energy.

But if they consistently refuse to share with me then eventually I draw the conclusion that what they are really aiming for is anger, frustration, blame, mistrust, hurt feelings, etc. Not talking can be a very effective means of control, but rarely does it lead to healthy, harmonious relationships.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to LearningDom255)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: At Wits End - 5/22/2008 11:38:20 PM   
LearningDom255


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline
I know I should move on, I really should. I just..I don't want to. There is this part of me that hangs on. I'm mad at myself for not being myself and, ugh. I should have picked up on the change in behavior from a while back. I knew it was strange. She kept saying she wasn't being herself lately, etc etc.

Why is life so cruel and unfair at times? You think you've finally found someone and then it all shatters in a matter of days.

And I know there are those out there that say, "oh you will find others" but I will never find another that's exactly like her, and that's what is going to hurt the most.

< Message edited by LearningDom255 -- 5/23/2008 12:38:02 AM >

(in reply to UncleNasty)
Profile   Post #: 51
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