the box that we put ourselves in

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OmegaG -> the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 11:14:16 AM)
After reading a few threads this morning, a thought came to me. I have always abhored the boxes that people tend to gravitate towards, the republican box, the religious box, the female box.... and it would seem to me that many of the people here would agree and they would proclaim that they are not to be put into a box. But it seems that while they are staying away from boxes, they've put themselves into a box by default. It seems to me that when people decide that they are not "vanilla" they cas aside any relationship lessons learned during experiences that they had while being vanilla. They react to a man differently because he's a "Dom" or a "Master" (or Domme/Mistress) rather then seeing him as a man (or woman) first, they don't adhere to rules or guidelines they followed before because they are now a "submissive" or a "slave" forgetting that they are female (or male) first. So many times questions are posted on these boards asking how to deal with particular instances where perfectly good "vanilla" reasoning has been tossed out the window. Would you get engaged to a man you haven't met yet and just started talking to? Why would you get collared? Would you hand over your bank account numbers, send scintilating pictures, agree to preform an outrageous request were it not for this mythical BDSM bubble that seems to make black turn to white and up become down. I guess I'm pondering because when I stumbled into this place I was still me and I still retained my common sense and I didn't do or agree to anything that I wouldn't have agreed to or done before. Sure I have had new experiences but I retain my memories and my growth as well. So many questions can be answered simply by looking back at the "vanilla" box that people discard, that box that is filled, usually with a lifetime of experiences and lessons.

Lynnxz -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 11:19:31 AM)
People are silly, and tend to think that BDSM is a nice padded room, where you can't get hurt if you throw your common sense out with the garbage. Just because you are kinky, does not make you special.

Dnomyar -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 11:20:16 AM)
I think that our vanillia experiences are always applied to this lifestyle. There is a limit tho as to how many you can apply to here. This lifestyle brings a whole new set of experiences that don't pretain to the vanilla lifestyle. I don't think that your discarding any experiences. Just learning new ones. You try to incorporate them together when you can.

MusicalBoredom -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 11:29:34 AM)
In relationships I tend to treat them as just that -- relationships. I prefer some degree of D/s in those and I prefer some specific things when it comes to sex but if it's a relationship then I try my best at open communication, respect, understand that we both have "issues" and so on. If I'm some event or play party then roles and interactions tend to be dictated by the event and I try to respect those as well. But I'm not one that defines much in the "traditional" sense.

MusicalBoredom -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 11:30:48 AM)
I'm kinky and special dang it [8D]

MstrVik -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 11:47:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lynnxz Just because you are kinky, does not make you special. LOL true indeed! About 'boxes' in general: for sure, applying a certain label to yourself (like Dom or sub) makes people expect a certain approach from you - there's usually a lot of different projections that come into play with this --- I guess sorting through all that is part of the fun actually, though of course sometimes it's just a drag... But I agree: no need to throw insights already earned out of the window, though at the same time acknowledging that there is actually a lot more to be learned and be ready to put aside any preconceived notions. That's part of the exploration -- if you risk nothing, then you're going nowhere...

Justme696 -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:00:35 PM)
I am just a person like there are million...guess that makes it a large box..with little space..lol

RCdc -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:06:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MusicalBoredom I'm kinky and special dang it [8D] Ditto![;)] But I'm not kinky coz I'm special, or visaversa.[:D] the.dark.

azropedntied -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:07:19 PM)
umm i happen to love the female box and desire to be put in it as often as i can hehehe.I think i can not seperate myself into little boxes nor would i want to , i like myself whole .Life and Bdsm D/s as well as the kinky fetish sides are all a grand journey and lessons always seem to keep getting learned and growth happens , personally i just do not feel a need to box it or label it .

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:11:22 PM)
Geee... this is something I've been noticing for some time now. Apply Common sense, slap on forehead... We all are human beings, BDSM is no excuse to not be human... OK.. we all are twisted sicko pervy people. We still are human beings. I wonder at times what planet some people came from, and who bitched slapped them into this Galaxy. I have had some very interesting experiences in my Twisted Vanilla relationships that apply to something called reality. OH wait, that's because it was reality and not some porno set. I think some people really are shy at showing they have ever had a Vanilla anything, even a Vanilla milkshake. Just as much as there are Doms that are sadomaso. I mean what self respecting Dom will admit they enjoy a little pain every so often. Do vanilla people only get to see our vanilla sides, and BDSMers get to see only our BDSM side? Is it really ok, if I mix Pepsi and Mountain Dew together and Drink it? I've seen parents get upset with their children at Burger King for doing that. OK, so this is Burger Kink and our parents ain't here.

OmegaG -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:15:32 PM)
not only do I let my kid mix sodas, I actually taste his concoctions when he asks me to. Why would a parent stop that? Damn, I forgot about that parent box that I never felt comfortable in too.

KatyLied -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:15:43 PM)
I'll never understand why people can't live their lives without worrying about what is "lifestyle", "vanilla", or "kink". For example, I am different things to different people, but even so, I live my life in its entirety, I don't break myself into a million little pieces in order to get through the "vanilla" part, the "lifestyle" part, the "parent" part, the "employee" part, etc, it's all part of who I am and it's all important.

KatyLied -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:18:12 PM)
I also want to add that as far as people doing "strange" things from the onset, I think that in general, like tends to attract like.

Padriag -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:19:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG So many questions can be answered simply by looking back at the "vanilla" box that people discard, that box that is filled, usually with a lifetime of experiences and lessons. Ayup... its been that way for as long as I can remember. Someone comes to some forum, chat room, munch, or where ever and asks... "My dom/sub/master/mistress/slave did this or that... what should I do?" An ya just wanna smack them... hard... and not in a fun way. But ya can't... so whatcha gonna do.[sm=dunno.gif]

azropedntied -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:20:22 PM)
Thats too funny , a counter person asked what kind of drink mine would like and she smiles and said ALL . quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG not only do I let my kid mix sodas, I actually taste his concoctions when he asks me to. Why would a parent stop that? Damn, I forgot about that parent box that I never felt comfortable in too.

Padriag -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:21:48 PM)
We used to call that a Suicide.

OmegaG -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:23:16 PM)
that's only when the liquids are all alcoholic

lusciouslips19 -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:23:40 PM)
I am a nonconformist weirdo. I cant be put in a box! Oh wait, I think I put myself in to a box, huh? Well at least I'm not in a box on a hillside. A box made of Ticky tacky.

MstrVik -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:26:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag An ya just wanna smack them... hard... and not in a fun way. But ya can't... so whatcha gonna do.[sm=dunno.gif] Hmm, well, perhaps smack someone else...?

azropedntied -> RE: the box that we put ourselves in (5/19/2008 12:37:12 PM)
Thats what we used to call it when we made a drink out of the bar catch mat . All the booze that spilled chilled and poured . Talk about a mixed drink , it was even on the bar wall for 2 buxs . quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag We used to call that a Suicide.

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