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Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 6:41:37 AM

ChivalrousSoul

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How does one willingly submit? Through trust, understanding and communication. Building Trust in their dom and through SSC.
If a Dominant expects your submission just because he is Dominant, what does that say about trust or how the D considers your feelings, your needs, and your goals?

The Dom maintains control of the relationship. However, a good Dominant will always consider the opinion and how those decisions will affect the life of the sub. There are decisions that in most part are daily in routine with little to no consequence. However, the decisions made that alter the mind set of the sub or may be difficult for the sub to achieve, must be thought carefully by the Dom. Looking at all angles prior to doing so. Be willing to provide reassurance and support for the sub to accomplish those tasks to achieve the desired outcome.

Truly, the success and failure of the relationship will fall on the shoulders of the Dom. Yet the sub maintains the responsibility to be honest and completely open at all times. No matter how the Dom may feel about your thoughts. For any relationship to be successful Communication is key, without it, the relationship will fail.
In my opinion, living the lifestyle through Ds is exactly that, a lifestyle. Building a relationship of give and take, i.e. expectations of one another and assisting each other to reach both individual and collaborated goals. For you are now one, it is equally important to aid in one another’s benefit.

The Dom is to provide guiding love, safety, and direction. ChivalrousSoul

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 6:50:32 AM

mistoferin

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First I'd like to welome you to the boards...but I do also have to disagree with you on two points.

The first being SSC. It's entirely subjective. What I see as safe, sane or consensual is not going to be the same as you see it from your perspective.

The second, there are two people involved in a relationship and they are EQUALLY responsible for it's success or failure. I don't see that as something that falls on the shoulders of the dominant.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 6:55:07 AM

MladyHathor

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Welcome to the Board's...

quote:

For you are now one, it is equally important to aid in one another’s benefit.

That shatters the singularity and makes it a duality.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 7:14:26 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChivalrousSoul
Truly, the success and failure of the relationship will fall on the shoulders of the Dom. Yet the sub maintains the responsibility to be honest and completely open at all times.

The success of the Relationship Rest with ALL of the indivduals in the relationship. And theoretically... Failure can be the result of any person in the relationship (however, that is extremely rare) mostly ALL are responsible for that as well. IT takes TWO.. to Dance... but only one to say No that will prevent the Dance from occuring.

In generally.. you words are nice and flowery.... not very realistic... but good fantasy.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 7:37:48 AM

sweetnurseBBW

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IMO D/s relationships are mutual and it is all involved responsibilities to make things work. It isn't one sided and all must be on board for it to work.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 7:41:14 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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I see other people have already commented upon a few things that came to my mind while reading your post. So, I'm going to comment on one thing nobody has hit yet.

quote:

If a Dominant expects your submission just because he is Dominant, what does that say about trust or how the D considers your feelings, your needs, and your goals?

For some people in TPE M/s relationships, the slave takes on the goals set by their owner. The goals of the slave are set by thier owner, or the goals of the owner become the slaves. Even the slaves interests, hobbies and other activities are subject to being set and contolled by their owner. Clothing, Hair color, clothing, make-up, you friggen name it. In terms of Needs, the only needs that need to be meet are very basic or fundamental ones, such a food, water, shelter and etc. In terms of feelings the slave must be able to set aside their own feelings, if those feelings will interfer with serving their master. Be it jealously or whatever else. Not all submissives can deal with living a TPE life to this level.

Not all people follow, or will agree with your lines of thinking here. What you described actually is more a long the lines of how I have handled my vanilla like relationships. In many regards, I agree with some of the points you made but only to a limit.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 7:51:00 AM

stella41b

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Welcome to the boards..

I'd also like to add that breathing is very important too.. Simply draw air in through your nose and mouth so it fills your lungs, until you feel you can't. Then relax and let all the air out again. Repeat constantly until it becomes second nature and you hardly think about it.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 7:54:06 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Welcome to the boards..

I'd also like to add that breathing is very important too.. Simply draw air in through your nose and mouth so it fills your lungs, until you feel you can't. Then relax and let all the air out again. Repeat constantly until it becomes second nature and you hardly think about it.

Drat, that one totally screws up Breath Play you know!

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 8:09:51 AM

Leatherist

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Have you actually tried this with a real person yet-or is it just something you read somewhere?

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 8:20:51 AM

akisha

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OP, All I want to say is. that is if you truly honestly believe all the umm stuff you just wrote then you are probably going to suffer alot of dissapointment and put alot of stress on yourself.

The sucess of a relationship is everyones responsibility.

ALOT of people do not follow SSC, alot follow RACK, some follow nothing except their own desires and ideals. There is no one perfect way.

You're ideals are intersting in theory and some people may read what you wrote and go " Oh what a great Dominant" But in reality it just doesn't fly sorry.

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RE: Ds a lifestlye - 5/15/2008 8:50:18 AM

SimplyMichael

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ChivalrousSoul

Rude welcome eh? You seem like a decent fellow but here is why you have gotten that reaction.

You post some nice sounding stuff (while me adding to the throngs that BOTH parties are adults and MUST contribute to the success of the relationship) and meant well.

However, posting "here is how a "real" dom does it" without saying "I of course haven't managed that yet" sounds to all of us like "I am uberdom and will make you happy, dump the idiots in this forum and come submit to me because I am so wonderful"...

Now I am sure that wasn't your intention but that is why you have gotten such a snarky welcome. This place is a wonderful community where we for the most part drop the bullshit masks people wear in chatrooms and talk like real people. We talk about our problems, our weaknesses, our struggles. We don't chest thump, we don't brag, we are open and honest. Okay and sometimes we are snarky assholes but at least now you know why.

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