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RE: Safe Sex - 5/11/2008 3:23:57 PM

LordOfTheMad

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I totally agree there!!

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/11/2008 8:51:55 PM

MasterFireMaam

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How about, "Sir, I find that my health is part of my value, so, in order to maintain myself, I offer to exchange STD testing paperwork before we are intimate. I know that you, being a responsible Dominant, also find our health and well being of high importance so condoms and such will be appropriate. I'm even happy to buy your favorite kind."

That means you care about his/her safety as much as your own. If they refuse, then move on.

I'd never be offended by someone asking for paperwork...or more recent tests.

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Post #: 22

RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 4:17:14 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I always just assume everyone's got a big bad disease and take whatever precautions I find acceptable for my level of risk. If someone requires me to show papers or go to a higher level of precaution, I either decide to do it and we have sex or I don't and we don't.

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Post #: 23

RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 7:42:37 PM

HornyToadsMI

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

I'm sorry, I should have been most clear, right now that is what I say, more or less what I'm looking for is if anyone has found a more...respectful way to ask these questions.

It should be negotiated up front. W/we dont leave anything to chance.

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 8:00:04 PM

s0ngbird

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Othie-
I just want to thank you for bringing this topic to light. I know that i, myself, have been hesitant to question or bring up this subject since embracing my submissiveness. We should never be so anxious to enter into a scene, session, or relationship that we give up our safety and stop protecting ourselves.

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Post #: 25

RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 8:20:11 PM

YourhandMyAss

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I don't think it is. And I'd have no problem telling any potential dom you needed to be tested for STD's and you need to use condoms and gloves and not engage in oral sex with others, and if they refused, well then I won't submit to them. I also wouldn't be with someone who wanted to have sex with others, because when it comes to fucking others I am monogomous.

However keep in mind STD tests are not 100 percent accurate. if you test today then go out an have sex in 4 days, you could have a nasty now an it won't show up on the test you did 4 days ago.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

So, a question to those who outside of a long term relationship.

How is it that you make sure your playmate is safe when having sex? This might sound like a silly question, but thinking about it, as a sub, it almost seems disrespectful to tell a Dom "Have you been tested?" or "You need to wear a condom".

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Post #: 26

RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 8:26:41 PM

YourhandMyAss

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You're also assured that they haven't been tampered with or stored improperly in some guys glove box over the summer that way too. Leaving condoms in the glove box or a wallet will degrade the quality of them. and who knows if the guy like poked the package with tiny needles or something or punctured them in some unvisable way. there's a famous actor who used to joke he was going to teach his son how to tamper with condoms an have it be unnoticable.

Bringing your own is just plain smart. Plus if you like a certain kind, say trojan ribbed, Or you need a certain kind cause other kinds have caused bad reactions, well you're set to go, no banking on if he has a kind you like or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne

And always always bring your own condoms with you. That way you are assured of having them

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Post #: 27

RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 11:04:22 PM

JohnWarren

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I always play as if my partner was infected. Test are only good for the moment they are given and depend on the honest... or good memory of the other person. Precautions are relatively simple and can be combined with play (I can't remember how many subs I've taught to put a condom on me with her mouth.)

Of course now that I'm married and don't do intercourse play, it's simpler but I still take precautions

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 11:15:58 PM

Othie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Precautions are relatively simple and can be combined with play (I can't remember how many subs I've taught to put a condom on me with her mouth.)

what a good idea. Is there anything else you would teach them to do in this manner? Does anyone else have something like this that they do?

Thank you everyone for your answers

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 11:19:11 PM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Precautions are relatively simple and can be combined with play (I can't remember how many subs I've taught to put a condom on me with her mouth.)

what a good idea. Is there anything else you would teach them to do in this manner? Does anyone else have something like this that they do?

Thank you everyone for your answers

Another thing is genital washing for both of us. With her doing it, it combines penis worship and exhibitionism. Black latex panties both improve safety for cunnilingus and are a voyaristic treat.

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/12/2008 11:30:42 PM

Cuffkinks

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Don't worry about coming off disrespectful. Be honest, open, and make sure you get your point across. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking precautions and / or making sure the one you're going to have sex with has taken precautions as well. As a Dominant, I would appreciate your concern.
Anyone that has a problem with discussing and then taking precautions isn't worth the risk.

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Post #: 31

RE: Safe Sex - 5/13/2008 6:58:59 AM

orfunboi

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Same way as I did when I was in vanilla relationships, I made sure I knew the person and used protection. Adding whips and chains to the mix does not change safe sex. If the dominant your playing with, doesn't understand "safe" then I wouldn't play with them.

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Post #: 32

RE: Safe Sex - 5/13/2008 7:03:25 AM

orfunboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

If you don't know your playmate to well, how do you make sure it's safe without overstepping yourself?

In talking about safe sex, I think this is one time you don't worry about overstepping yourself. It would be foolish.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie
I would think that both sides would want this, and sometimes in the heat of the moment it gets forgotten....

No, it's not forgotten in the heat of the moment. It's a pollyana bias - "Nothing bad is ever going to happen to me." It's the same thing for smokers, for women who don't get mammograms, etc. etc. etc. ~shrug~

Ya know, you might be on to something there, Pollyanna was always one of my favorites. I even have a rainbow maker hanging in my window.

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/15/2008 3:37:46 PM

beargonewild

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~FR~

It's my opinion that a person has to respect themselves first and foremost to take responsibility for thier own safety in regards to safe sex practices. In any situation where there is going to be an exchange of bodily fluids and/or intercourse, I ensure I use precautions to protect my health and of my partner and my partner at that time will do the same or else there is no sexual playing at all. Even in a d/s encounter, this still applies as my health overrides any authority exchange we have set up.

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Post #: 34

RE: Safe Sex - 5/15/2008 4:09:02 PM

wnt2befukmeat

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Keep in mind, that while condoms do offer alot of protection, you can STILL get infected!! Even without there being any holes, whatnot.

(in reply to beargonewild)

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/15/2008 4:28:20 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

So, a question to those who outside of a long term relationship.

How is it that you make sure your playmate is safe when having sex? This might sound like a silly question, but thinking about it, as a sub, it almost seems disrespectful to tell a Dom "Have you been tested?" or "You need to wear a condom". I love being able to use birth control, however I have found that its very easy to think of myself as "safe" when there is more to worry about. If you don't know your playmate to well, how do you make sure it's safe without overstepping yourself? Do you believe it's better to wait until you have been with someone for a long time? To the Doms, is there a way that you prefer a sub to bring this up? Do you ever feel like they are overstepping themselves to do this?......I would think that both sides would want this, and sometimes in the heat of the moment it gets forgotten....

Until I've agreed that I'm their sub/slave/pet/whatever, we are on equal terms and they get no more respect than I do. That includes being sure they are clean, but ideally they will be as concerned with their health as I am about mine. That means they will be asking me questions and insisting on safe sex as well.

As far as asking respectfully, I don't know how other than "Sir, I value your health as well as my own. I'm willing to forgo condoms once we both go get tested and get to see each other's results."

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RE: Safe Sex - 5/15/2008 4:38:07 PM

rubberbrum

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Health comes first in my book.....i would hope a sub would question this with me that in my book shows common sense and respect

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Post #: 37