Safe Sex

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Othie -> Safe Sex (5/10/2008 8:59:12 PM)
So, a question to those who outside of a long term relationship. How is it that you make sure your playmate is safe when having sex? This might sound like a silly question, but thinking about it, as a sub, it almost seems disrespectful to tell a Dom "Have you been tested?" or "You need to wear a condom". I love being able to use birth control, however I have found that its very easy to think of myself as "safe" when there is more to worry about. If you don't know your playmate to well, how do you make sure it's safe without overstepping yourself? Do you believe it's better to wait until you have been with someone for a long time? To the Doms, is there a way that you prefer a sub to bring this up? Do you ever feel like they are overstepping themselves to do this?......I would think that both sides would want this, and sometimes in the heat of the moment it gets forgotten....

KatyLied -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:03:48 PM)
It is not disrespectful to look out for your health and well-being. Where did you get that idea?

Lynnxz -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:03:48 PM)
O.o I wouldn't want to be with a guy who thought it was beneath him to stay safe. I'm paranoid, I used to panic and get tested every time I had sex. Now, I avoid the drama and I just don't have sex unless I'm in a committed type of relationship.

Othie -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:07:16 PM)
I'm sorry, I should have been most clear, right now that is what I say, more or less what I'm looking for is if anyone has found a more...respectful way to ask these questions.

snappykappy -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:10:51 PM)
just ask them to give u documentation from being tested i did it before i has and sexual intercourse better safe than sorry and if they won't do it or act like it is beneath them to do it ask them if they hear that sound and of course they will say what sound and u say the is the sound of u hitting the curb

snappykappy -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:17:22 PM)
of course u should also have documentation as well before u ask them the question but as we all know those nasty lil suckers can be dormant in ur body and u do not know it i am a prime example of an autoimmune disease called sarcoidosis and i highly suggest everyone google it and definetly have themselves checked out and it is not a std it is something that ones immune system comes in contact with something about sarc is no one knows where it comes from any questions send me an email or message and i can give u bunches of links

Lynnxz -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:19:50 PM)
O... I'm not a very subtle person. I show them my papers... I ask to see theirs.

DomKen -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 9:42:11 PM)
I don't wait for a lover to ask. I get myself down to the doctors and get the tests run. Then I present my two most recent test results to show that I'm healthy then I politely ask when I can see her test results? Once I had to take the woman to my doc to get tested but otherwise it has always been easy and while a touch awkward its also a relief to get past that little speed bump.

mbes -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 11:00:27 PM)
It might be a good policy to not be physically intimate with anyone you can't bring up the subject with. I'm not overly paranoid on the subject, although I understand the need others have to be so ("overly paranoid" being a purely subjective view). But sex is optional, don't have it unless you are comfortable with the risks it entails. /mom mode

Leatherist -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 11:02:10 PM)
I won't have sex without knowing we are BOTH healthy.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Safe Sex (5/10/2008 11:03:13 PM)
If you have issues discussing this with a potential partner then you probably shouldn't be considering having sex with them until you mature a bit.

steffie -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 12:10:29 AM)
Thank you for bringing up the subject. It's wise to keep safe sex on the radar. Recently i met a man who over dinner proceeded to tell me about some swinger party he went to - where he had sex with 10 different women. How he banged each one of them in a hot tub. When he was done, i asked him sweetly if he'd bothered to change condoms between each woman? Unquestionably the subject was not on his radar. And so, he immediately was off mine. I say this as someone who lives in a gay community, who went to at least a dozen funerals in the 1990s for friends who died of AIDS. In one week in 1995, i went to three funerals. Have you ever met someone with carposi's sarcoma? Have you ever seen a friend with lesions on their skin? With the wasting sickness? Dementia? Watched someone die of pnuemonia? It's not very pretty. In fact, it's down right frightening. Anyone today who has random unsafe sex with multiple partners is a killer. They're walking around blindfolded with a loaded gun, playing Russian roulette.

batshalom -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 4:44:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Othie If you don't know your playmate to well, how do you make sure it's safe without overstepping yourself? In talking about safe sex, I think this is one time you don't worry about overstepping yourself. It would be foolish. quote: ORIGINAL: Othie I would think that both sides would want this, and sometimes in the heat of the moment it gets forgotten.... No, it's not forgotten in the heat of the moment. It's a pollyana bias - "Nothing bad is ever going to happen to me." It's the same thing for smokers, for women who don't get mammograms, etc. etc. etc. ~shrug~

Aynne -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 5:30:32 AM)
Exactly Aileen. And always always bring your own condoms with you. That way you are assured of having them and not having to worry about getting so into the heat of the moment you let it slide. As fas as how to bring it up, I would discuss it way before getting to that point. Be adult about it and just let them know you value yourself and it is not up for discussion. Trust me, any guy would rather get laid with a condom then get none because they want to play fast and easy with their lives. ( and yours! ) quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 If you have issues discussing this with a potential partner then you probably shouldn't be considering having sex with them until you mature a bit.

apiercedkitty -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 6:34:00 AM)
~FR~ i don't wait until i meet in person - it's something that is either discussed online if that's the primary communication or on the phone. i mention that the last time i was tested was such and such a date and i have proof that i'll bring the first time we meet and have coffee. If he doesn't offer up the same thing, i ask if he's been tested... if not - i firmly tell him thanks for the interest but i can't meet someone who doesn't care about his health or mine. And, as an aside, i've never had to not meet someone because of this. i don't think subs have a corner on the market of caring about safe sex.

Deliena -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 7:44:20 AM)
This is interesting to me as a UK person as we don't seem to have the same level of caution prevalent in society here (I'm not saying that's a good or a bad thing just noting a cultural difference), in the UK if you're using condoms with your partner that's considered good enough, I've certainly never been asked for proof of my health status by anyone and I can't imagine asking someone else for theirs to be honest and I used to work for Terrance Higgins (an AIDS charity here) in a final stage home. I see it this way; if a person is willing to have safe sex with me, they are likely to have been similar with their other partners and my risk is lowered (please note I didn't say removed), I actually know my health status as I have been tested (for a variety of reasons, none sex related) but here certainly having had a test for serious STIs can invalid life insurance, or did do the last time I looked into it (which is a condition of most mortgages for example) making it something that people either don't do or don't do openly for fear of jepordising other elements of their lives (particularly if all tests proved to be negative). Probably yet another example of the UK's fear of sex pervading other arenas and making sex more dangerous as a result!

abcbsex -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 11:10:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Deliena ... but here certainly having had a test for serious STIs can invalid life insurance, or did do the last time I looked into it (which is a condition of most mortgages for example) making it something that people either don't do or don't do openly for fear of jepordising other elements of their lives (particularly if all tests proved to be negative). Probably yet another example of the UK's fear of sex pervading other arenas and making sex more dangerous as a result! I must say that is pretty ridiculous. so just the fear of having an sti can void your life insurance? Is anyone working to change that?

bipolarber -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 11:25:12 AM)
Asking people the condition of their helth is not disrespectful. Neither to them, nor to yourself. I give potential partners a complete rundown: I had Traich once, and I had Hep B about 15 years ago. I'm type II diabetic, which means I have to watch my blood glucose levels before and after we play. It also means I see my Dr. every three months for A1 tests, and when I'm in (since my insureance covers preventative health testing) I have her run an STD panel on me. And I'm perfectly willing to wait a couple of weeks while they get a panel done on themselves. Not just HIV, but for the half dozen or so common STDs that are out there. During our first encounter, I'll do a passive inspection, checking for genital warts. Once I learn to trust them, I'll loosen up a bit. But ultimately, even if they start out clean, if they have other partners, then you have to keep your gaurd up constantly. As I recall form a PP brochure, you currently have a 1 in four chance of catching something from any potential partner. Those are worse odds than playing Russian Roulette.

LordOfTheMad -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 11:29:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: abcbsex quote: ORIGINAL: Deliena ... but here certainly having had a test for serious STIs can invalid life insurance, or did do the last time I looked into it (which is a condition of most mortgages for example) making it something that people either don't do or don't do openly for fear of jepordising other elements of their lives (particularly if all tests proved to be negative). Probably yet another example of the UK's fear of sex pervading other arenas and making sex more dangerous as a result! I must say that is pretty ridiculous. so just the fear of having an sti can void your life insurance? Is anyone working to change that? If more people had STI tests, the government would be paying for it. Therefore, it's in their interest not to change that. Plus, if there isn't a solution which curbs personal freedom, our government doesn't want to know.

Deliena -> RE: Safe Sex (5/11/2008 2:04:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordOfTheMad quote: ORIGINAL: abcbsex quote: ORIGINAL: Deliena ... but here certainly having had a test for serious STIs can invalid life insurance, or did do the last time I looked into it (which is a condition of most mortgages for example) making it something that people either don't do or don't do openly for fear of jepordising other elements of their lives (particularly if all tests proved to be negative). Probably yet another example of the UK's fear of sex pervading other arenas and making sex more dangerous as a result! I must say that is pretty ridiculous. so just the fear of having an sti can void your life insurance? Is anyone working to change that? If more people had STI tests, the government would be paying for it. Therefore, it's in their interest not to change that. Plus, if there isn't a solution which curbs personal freedom, our government doesn't want to know. Well there's lots of things in the UK from a legal perspective that don't make sense, the panic that set in when AIDS was first identified and then politicised on the ticket of "educating the populace" messed up a lot of potentially useful policies. When women in the UK are pregnant most hospitals test you for everything but don't tell you, to the extent that when the nurse told me I'd received clear test results she had to tell me I had "no serious sexually transmitted diseases" 3 times before the penny dropped that they'd done an AIDS test and I was clear was what she was trying to tell me without telling me (therefore making sure I can tick the box that says I haven't had a test on insurance forms without comitting fraud). We're a weird flaming country advanced in so many ways and backwards in so many others....

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