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Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 7:31:21 PM   
nehemaut


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/29/2005
Status: offline 		Hello all. I have been very confused/lost lately. I've been looking for answers and am hoping maybe someone else could help. I have been trying to explain my Master why but I don't think its been working very well. I just read "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" by Anne Rice. It has messed me up, as much as the "Story of O" did. I feel closer to my husband now, my life is about us and not chores, but I also feel so frustrated with life. I hate always having to hide who I am and how I spend all my time at work. It all seems pointless to me sometimes. I read these stories sometimes and I want go to the places in the books so bad, which is silly because they are just stories. However, I can't help feeling this way. Has anyone else ever experienced this? It has got me wondering if such places (similiar to) could exist. A place where there are multiple slaves and masters live. I live in an apartment. We are limited in what we can do because of this. I know no one else in the lifestyle and sometimes I would love to go somewhere where I could be around other slaves and masters. If anyone has read either story they might know what I'm talking about. However I haven't found anything. I realize is such a place did exist it would most likely be a secret to avoid prosecution. If anyone know anything I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for any help.

~Nehemaut
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 7:41:35 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		While there are not any that I know of places like fantasy novels I would suggest you find the local BDSM community where you live and get out to meet others with like interests.

This is why there are so many groups, it is very freeing to be in a room of other kinky folk where you can be yourself and not worry. 

There are munches as well as fetish/play party nights.  As well in some areas there are dungeons you can rent by the hour to play in ~ and not the type where you are also paying for a pro Domme or pro submissive.

There are also options for how to play at home.  Many of those in the kinky world have kids or others that could possibly hear play so there are alternatives to play.  Not all play is loud and obvious to neighbors.

I would suggest you do a ton of reading and exploring you will be very surprised at what you will find.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 7:42:47 PM   
HornyToadsMI


Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		So, are you looking to be 24/7, or looking to go into slave trade?  Remember, books have romaticized  D/s.  I read the "Market Place" series.  Mindblowing. 

If it were me, I would sit down and write on paper what I really wanted.  Then I would sit down with Toad, and discuss what things on my list would be realistic.  Hope this helps you. 

_____________________________

i have the best job in the world - my Boss whips me!!!

Go with your gut - yes, I am being a Smart Ass!

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 7:56:01 PM   
nehemaut


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/29/2005
Status: offline 		I am in a 24/7 now. I realize they are fantaized and it frustrates me how I feel cause I know it is foolish. It makes no sense I know. I don't think anyone else could understand unless they have felt it. It's an awful feeling wanting what isn't real. Thank you for the replies.

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 8:27:32 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		It's escapism, nehemaut. You are disillusioned with your life and your reaction seems pretty normal to me. I would suggest figuring out how to incorporate some of what you're longing for into your regular life, or do something else that would similarly free you. Maybe you would like skydiving or kayaking or swinging.

If you don't feel you can live the life as written in the books, make small changes in your current life until you start feeling better. One thing is fore sure - things won't change unless you take steps to change them. I haven't read the books so I have no clue what it is you want but I can tell you that there are MANY happy poly families.

There will always be bills, work, school, kids, all that stuff. You can't do anything to avoid that, but you can add things here and there that are fulfilling to you. It will take some cognitive effort on your part, and probably some trial and error, but it can be done. The only thing that is stopping you is you.

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 10:31:46 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nehemaut

Hello all. I have been very confused/lost lately. I've been looking for answers and am hoping maybe someone else could help. I have been trying to explain my Master why but I don't think its been working very well. I just read "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" by Anne Rice. It has messed me up, as much as the "Story of O" did. I feel closer to my husband now, my life is about us and not chores, but I also feel so frustrated with life. I hate always having to hide who I am and how I spend all my time at work. It all seems pointless to me sometimes. I read these stories sometimes and I want go to the places in the books so bad, which is silly because they are just stories. However, I can't help feeling this way. Has anyone else ever experienced this? It has got me wondering if such places (similiar to) could exist. A place where there are multiple slaves and masters live. I live in an apartment. We are limited in what we can do because of this. I know no one else in the lifestyle and sometimes I would love to go somewhere where I could be around other slaves and masters. If anyone has read either story they might know what I'm talking about. However I haven't found anything. I realize is such a place did exist it would most likely be a secret to avoid prosecution. If anyone know anything I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for any help.

~Nehemaut



First, let me say that the Sleeping Beauty novels are completely unrealistic.

That being said, to comment on the line I blew up above, I notice you live in the Phoenix Area.  Both Phoenix and Tucson, where I live, have very active, real time, BDSM communities.  I would recommend you check out APEX (Arizona Power Exchange), the main club in that area.  Their website can be found at http://www.arizonapowerexchange.org/index1.htm

Also, there's a coffee gathering every Wednesday night at the Mighty Cup Cafe in Glendale, I'm not sure of the address.  There's also one every Thursday night at Mills End in Tempe.

I highly recommend you join the following Yahoo Group, which covers the BDSM community in the entire state of Arizona.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_bdsm/

Harry Van Winkle
Vice President
Desert Dominion
Tucson, AZ

(in reply to nehemaut)
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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/9/2008 11:41:10 PM   
SlaveSimone


Posts: 95
Joined: 3/17/2008
From: Denver, Co
Status: offline 		i know exactly how you feel.  Master and i struggled with depression and a few other issues for over a year that messed with our relationship pretty badly. i would regularly escape into BDSM themed erotic novels, and while it was all good and dandy while reading, whenever i would put the books down, i felt so crushed. My advice, step away from the books! i know its a hard thing to do, as they are just so much darn fun, but focusing on what may be missing from your current relationship/life situation is a much, much better use of your time, and will head better results then escaping into fantasy land.  Plus, the books are a gazillion times more fun once every things where you want it to be. Also, the advice those above have given about getting into your local BDSM community is sound. Find a good group that you're comfortable with, and start making some friends. Not only are play parties and munches fun, but you can learn a lot too. It'll be a good investment of your time.

Good luck,

Simone

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 12:07:21 AM   
steffie


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

It's escapism, nehemaut. You are disillusioned with your life and your reaction seems pretty normal to me. I would suggest figuring out how to incorporate some of what you're longing for into your regular life, or do something else that would similarly free you. Maybe you would like skydiving or kayaking or swinging.

If you don't feel you can live the life as written in the books, make small changes in your current life until you start feeling better. One thing is fore sure - things won't change unless you take steps to change them. I haven't read the books so I have no clue what it is you want but I can tell you that there are MANY happy poly families.

There will always be bills, work, school, kids, all that stuff. You can't do anything to avoid that, but you can add things here and there that are fulfilling to you. It will take some cognitive effort on your part, and probably some trial and error, but it can be done. The only thing that is stopping you is you.


Lots of great, practical advice here.  What a great group.

I read the Beauty books years ago, when Anne Rice wrote them under a French pen name, and we didn't even know it was her.  (To get off track for a split second - it has always seemed extremely ironic to me that she is now a born-again Christian that probably prays nightly for atonement for inspiring untold millions around the world to masturbate over BDSM fantasies.)

The Beauty trilogy remain my favorite erotica of all time - and this is from someone who has thousands of books in their house, who once taught high school English. 

My ex-boyfriend loved watching porno, but hated reading.  In an effort to get him to read more, i bought the Beauty books on CD, thinking if we listened to the first one together, hopefully it would inspire him to read the other two.  

He thought i was crazy at first, when i played the first book in the car when we were driving the 6 hours to Provincetown on our summer vacation.  Just listening to the "Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" in the car, got Kevin so excited, he ended up pulling off the highway into a rest stop where he made me ______. (Let your imagination fill in the blank!)

The beauty of the Beauty books is to realize that there are people out there like Anne Rice, who have wonderful, fertile imaginations.  You can't live in her novels. But you can create your own fantasy and make it a reality.  Something that's living and breathing, and oh so much more pleasurable.

< Message edited by steffie -- 5/10/2008 12:09:53 AM >

_____________________________

There are no secrets to learning how to write. You must learn how to think. S. Leonard Rubenstein

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 12:20:06 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I went through a patch when I was about 11 and first read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I so desperately wanted to be in Narnia. Seriously. I "knew" the characters, I adored everything about the book.

Sometimes when life isn't panning out the way we always imagined it would, or you go through a bad patch, or a confused time, when things are just not where we think we should be, it's easy to get lost in a fantasy world. Look how many women read romance novels and then complain that their husband/boyfriend isn't in the least bit romantic or exciting or anything like the hero's of the books. They forget that men fart, have stubble, smell sometimes, forget to put the garbage out, hog the remote, eat the last slice of bread, etc.

You've had so many good responses already, so I'll just say that maybe you need to put down the books until you are in a better head space. If you don't, you'll always be comparing your life to the unreal world of the books.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 2:32:51 PM   
nehemaut


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/29/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for the responses. I wanted to know if I was alone in my feelings and I'm glad I'm not. I feel a little less silly knowing that. I was terrified of starting the second book because of how the first book affected me but I just finished it and am feeling better. Maybe it helps that I'm not at work today, lol. I enter data all day and that gives me too much thinking time sometimes.

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 3:00:41 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Think of all the people that watch soap operas, and discuss the people as if they are real. I have thought  that workmates were discussing family before.  When i was a kid, i wanted aliens to come down from space and take me to the stars.
I think if things aren't ideal then something will always seem greener. Especially books, because they are dependent on our imaginations to bring them to life, and we don't think of the dirty socks on the floor after the tall stud has finished ravishing us - that he certainly isn't going to pick up and wash!  For that matter - have you ever noticed that women in books and movies never have to go and mop up the nether regions after making mad passionate sex.

Having been there and done that, the best think i did was give up the genre for a while.  It broke me of the habit of wishful thinking, and i got on with the job at hand - living the life i had made.

You are definitely not alone in wishing you could be somewhere else - just don't get so wrapped up in it you spoil what you have.  hugs.

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 3:22:46 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nehemaut

Hello all. I have been very confused/lost lately. I've been looking for answers and am hoping maybe someone else could help. I have been trying to explain my Master why but I don't think its been working very well. I just read "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty" by Anne Rice. It has messed me up, as much as the "Story of O" did. I feel closer to my husband now, my life is about us and not chores, but I also feel so frustrated with life. I hate always having to hide who I am and how I spend all my time at work. It all seems pointless to me sometimes. I read these stories sometimes and I want go to the places in the books so bad, which is silly because they are just stories. However, I can't help feeling this way. Has anyone else ever experienced this? It has got me wondering if such places (similiar to) could exist. A place where there are multiple slaves and masters live. I live in an apartment. We are limited in what we can do because of this. I know no one else in the lifestyle and sometimes I would love to go somewhere where I could be around other slaves and masters. If anyone has read either story they might know what I'm talking about. However I haven't found anything. I realize is such a place did exist it would most likely be a secret to avoid prosecution. If anyone know anything I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for any help.

~Nehemaut



I'm going to suggest something totally different here.

Forget the books, forget BDSM, and everything else.. You're in AZ if I were you I'd find some time, drop everything and head into the mountains. Find a small room, motel, spend a day walking in the mountains, thinking..

Something's telling me that you need to change something, but what? Sometimes when you're in the situation you can't see it, and it might be obvious. Wanting to be a character in a novel to me suggests escapism. What is it you're trying to avoid? What do you want to change? What would make it better? Do you know?

I suggest just dropping everything and heading out into the mountains, into the fresh air, alone with nature, walking, doing some sort of activity and looking at things from a different perspective. A break in the routine ends one chapter and starts another. Nothing like a change and activity for lifting yourself out of depression. It gives you a different viewpoint, another angle, you see things differently, think of things you've never tried or thought about, and then when you get back you can put your ideas and thoughts into practice.

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 7:13:14 PM   
HornyToadsMI


Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nehemaut

I am in a 24/7 now. I realize they are fantaized and it frustrates me how I feel cause I know it is foolish. It makes no sense I know. I don't think anyone else could understand unless they have felt it. It's an awful feeling wanting what isn't real. Thank you for the replies.


It kind of reminds me of how some people view marriage - the beautiful jumping thru fields towards each other, flowers every day, romance....

Then the honeymoon ends.  We get bogged down in life......we get bored.  So, we can either spice things up, or change something small in us to make things more exciting.  I agree with the "go into the mountains and find yourself post".  Be sure to get to the center of what your feelings  and needs are.  :) 

Good luck in your search......I hope you find what you are looking for....

_____________________________

i have the best job in the world - my Boss whips me!!!

Go with your gut - yes, I am being a Smart Ass!

(in reply to nehemaut)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/10/2008 9:54:56 PM   
nehemaut


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/29/2005
Status: offline 		I've already gone to Sedona for a day. Getting away, although fun, isn't the solution. It won't clear my head. I am bi-polar and it took four years (my high school years) to find the right medication. A bi-polar mind, especially after a long time, becomes very conflicted. Emotions are no longer caused by anything outside and rather they randomly change. You slip from extreme happiness (happier than most people could ever feel) to extreme depression where all you can do is hope for an end. It was then that I learned to escape into my mind when things were too much. I am now on meds that keep my emotions from changing. I am glad for what I have been through because it has made me stronger but I also have things I have to overcome because of it. One thing I have been working on is trying to find myself since the person I feel I am on the inside is not who I am on the outside. I also have a hard time explaining things, expecially emotions, though reading helps me put my feelings to words which otherwise I cannot. It has never been about the book, I am realizing. The book, as my Master has said, was a trigger.

For the past year we have had our issues. I was obsessed with trying to make my apartment perfect, constentaly cleaning and organizing. I don't know who I was trying to impress but I dared not stop. It was very much a "vanilla" life. I never wanted to have sex and couldn't understand why. Then my computer broke (I spent my free time on the internet and playing games) and so I watched a lot of TV. I was sick for a week and bored with TV and with no other distratctions I eventually started reading again, something I used to love but haven't done for pleasure for many years. I read Hauted my Tamara Thorne and the erotic scenes in it (though it was not an erotic book) stirred my passion and I felt closer to my husband and happier and I enjoyed sex again. Then I started reading the Sleeping Beauty book, something I grabbed a long time ago to see if I liked Ann Rice. It was far more extreme.

It hasn't been about the book but the change in me. I don't want to go back to how things were but trying to understand my feelings and my place in the world. The book was a comfort because I felt Beauty's emotions, had her thoughts and things made sense. Then when I stopped things were to much like the had been and I worried/still worry that I might revert back to how I was. Though I was comfortable before I had no passion. I feel like I've taked a step in the right direction, though a difficult step it is. I have given myself over to my Master completely but sometimes I fear that I will regret this decision later. If I stop reading it would just be me running away from the real problem which I will have to overcome later and it will be just as difficult.

I don't know why I posted about it. Maybe I hoped that it would help give me more understanding, or at least not feel so alone in my feelings. But in the end, it was I had to overcome. I still feel confused, lost, and sometimes depressed but not so unbearable any more. This gives me hope that things will get better. I feel that I must suffer now through these emotions in order to move ahead in my life. Thank you all for your posts.

~Nehemaut

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/11/2008 3:15:44 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I didn't realise you were bi-polar, I can make much more sense of your original post now.  As a fellow bi-polar I understand where you are coming from with the random mood changes (I am unmedicated and handle these via CBT and other techniques - if you want to talk about it further please message me on the other side)

You  are quite possibly standing in your own way here, I can't tell for certain as I don't really know you well enough to be sure, but if you are like me then when something doesn't feel "right" when you're on a downswing it's the most awful thing in the world and must be resolved for fear of falling deeper into the pit.  I suspect that this is where you are in your personal cycle right now and that this is what is triggering the desire to do something, anything to "fix" how you feel.  Try to spend some time writing down each day how you feel and what things are important to you and how you are reacting to them, it might throw up some patterns which you could look at to see if they give you some idea of how the bi-polar is affecting you and possibly help you find ways to managing these episodes.

Good luck

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RE: Has anyone else felt this way? - 5/11/2008 4:59:30 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Dear nehemaut,
Most fiction is crafted to make people imagine things, to give them a taste of another life or world to live in for a moment out of day to day life.   Our wonderful human minds like to travel in thoughts of fantasy, play with what if's in our minds. Yes, these things make us look harder at who we are deep down inside.  We end up exploring things mentally about ourselves.

It sounds like what you are going through is perfectly normal, and that it's something most people do when reading a good book, watching a good movie, or just using their own imagination.

In many regards BDSM scene play is when people get together and actually live out their darker fantasies in a somewhat sane manner (others questionably sane).  Still none the less, some carry BDSM scene play to more extremes into 24/7 life as much as they can.

I believe everybody who is into BDSM has explored the extremes of BDSM in fantasy, fiction or using their imagination.  I know I have, and it's gone to some really really wonderfully perverse and off the wall places.  Yes, to extremes. 

My imagination has left me wondering, how far would I or could I really go, if the right circumstances existed?  Made me mentally explore some of my own limits.  Yet at the same time, it has been fuel to my burning fantasy desires.   Some of what I had fantasies about when I was younger have turned into reality.  Some I am uncertain about.   What would happen if I had nothing to have fantasies about? I think it would be a somewhat dull existence of sorts without fantasy.

Now, there probally really are places where there are masters and slaves together as you described... however, it probally is not anything like how you imagine it to be.  Hence, the fantasy has been romanticized into something larger than life.

Reality can be a let down to fantasy, at times it can even exceed fantasy.  The question is what is the reality you live you, where does your fantasy fit, what is or is not realistic.   This is the point everybody comes back to, after their mind has been lost deep in fantasy for awhile.   This process is perfectly normal and natural.

Hope this help you some. 


(in reply to nehemaut)
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