RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/4/2008 6:17:42 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

My question is how much online time do you allow in your mix of communication? It is assumed that behind every screen, there are lives being lived--work, bills, UM, hobbies, whatever--and one could easily never move from the screen I suppose ( I'm sure there are those like that too)--how does one hit that balance that is good for them?

Dominants at what point do you get frustrated when you set aside time to chat with your sub and life has pulled them away---subs at what point do you get irritated when the Dom says they will be on later and the later is after your eyelids have given up the fight?

I use online communication a good 20-50% of my time at work, and more at home when with my girl, through various platforms - message boards, email, IM, and otherwise. Frankly, I have a harder time dealing with the senior executives online at work than my girl at home - and not because of the inherent dynamics; it's more of a personality and protocol clash. I can chill with my girl and be myself; telling one of my bosses to "grab a paper bag, ya sound like yer about to hyperventilate or spew, Laughing Boy...stress does that, ya know" doesn't fly as well [wonder why]

As a rule of thumb, I try to treat online communications in the same manner I would talking face-to-face...I use the same colourful phrases [when I can get away with them], speak directly, and "keep it real" by using whatever formalities I have to. The balance varies depending upon who I'm addressing.

Rainfire gets tugged from our conversations every night - like you said, it's life, and life happens. Anyone who cannot appreciate that fact probably requires a reality check. Here's a good one to remember if your sub gets distracted or pulled away from you:

Ask yourself how much you'd appreciate it if your boss called you into his office and closed the door, after you eat a heaping bowl of chili for lunch. Ten minutes into a long tirade from your boss, your colon is expanding like Mick Jagger's mouth during an extended rendition of "Angie". You don't want to piss the boss off, but you're not wearing an adult diaper, either; and even if you were, the smell about to be created from your backside should be on a par with toxic waste. It turns into a song from the Clash.

Putting yourself in other people's shoes is a great learning experience. I'd think the same applies for subs, as well.

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/4/2008 8:27:32 PM

SirsNe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I may be an unusual mix - I am a real time slave and an online Domme (at my Master's request that I remain a Domme). I met my Master online through CM and then we moved into real time.

I have right in my profile that I will give out my chat ID to subs when I am ready, but get a LOT of emails with people introducing themselves and immediately wanting me to view them on webcam. I give out my ID sparingly. There is nothing like being in the middle of a session with one person and showing a less than discreet photo and have five other men pop up and start making comments of it. (Yes, I know that Yahoo is supposed to be able to block this but it doesn't always work.)

While I enjoy getting emails and answering them at my leisure, I don't enjoy being constantly bombarded with chat requests. I feel that it takes away my sense of privacy. Before I was a slave I was happy to do it because I had the time. Now I am much more choosy about which subs I choose to deal with and when.

Since I live two hours away from my Master, He and I also use the internet quite a bit. We email each other daily and sometimes use chat - though He always approaches me first (one of His rules). In a few weeks I will be moving and will be only about 15 minutes away from Him, and I am sure that we won't use the internet as much though it is still nice for a quick email.

Hi CQ.

I just wanted to say that I am in EXACTLY the same situation You are in. I would love to chat to you some more about this via pm if that is acceptable with You. My sub and I are trying to find our feet with online Ds.

I am also a sub to a beautiful Dom. *smiles*

Please let me know if this is cool.

Cheers
Ne

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/4/2008 9:17:18 PM

MrSpectacular

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To the OP - it is a good question - but it for me I actually don't worry too much about always being available or finding time or set times. Neither do I also judge the one I am communicating with. I figure that you will either find a way or you won't. My reasoning being - that real life is like that also - so why force yourself into artificial constraints. If a relationship is working both of you will find a way to communicate without the need to constrain yourself - or feel guilty or guilt trip just because it took a few days to respond to email.

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/4/2008 9:27:08 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathot
how does one hit that balance that is good for them?

Dominants at what point do you get frustrated when you set aside time to chat with your sub and life has pulled them away---subs at what point do you get irritated when the Dom says they will be on later and the later is after your eyelids have given up the fight?

For me, practice and patience. Angel has spent the better part of 2 years being pulled away from conversations online more often than he could complete them. Roommates when he lived on campus, phone calls from work and family when he moved off... the only gaunranteed time we had together was face to face time and even that was iffy.
It was constant frusteration, but to what end? There was nothing either of us could change to make it better so we grinned and dealt.

Fox and I chat online several times a day whenever he is away. He makes time for at least a short conversation and lets me know if theres a chance something will take him away from it.

For me, the mix is just that, whaever I can get. Between the phone and the net, I talk to the boys at least once a day, or every other for Angel on rougher weeks. I CAN do without the constant contact, I just choose not to. Online makes contact while im traveling easier, too, what with time zones and all we dont have to worry about disturbing family with phones ringing.

DV

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/4/2008 10:34:37 PM

MaamJay

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Master and i were LDR for over a year before He moved to be with me. Internet, chat, phone calls ... been there done that and had the blessings and the frustrations. It was bearable once W/we settled on it being temporary ... the end was in sight. It was tough but it was doable and once W/we got together 24/7 it made up for all the frustrating times. Now W/we are occasionally guilty of IMing each other from O/our studies across the hall LOL!

As a Domme I am using the internet only as a means of finding potential subs who might be suitable to come here full time, and that's hard enough! I have been talking to one for a couple of months now and while I think he has a lot of potential, his job as a charter pilot is making it nigh impossible to get here for a visit (yep, I can see the irony there LOL! especially when he basically flew overhead the other day!). I don't think I could cope with a long term LDR and I actually admire the persistence of those who do. Neither could I cope with the burden You have LadyPact ... losing BOTH Your men to Ms Military at the same time is a huge blow indeed and I know many here as well as Myself will be feeling for You. So basically for Me it's a stopgap, I've no wish to continue online indefinitely. My heart goes out to all those here who are separated from their loved ones.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/5/2008 3:18:42 AM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: abcbsex
Sometimes if I'm working on my laptop in the living room he'll im me from the bedroom on his mac to not disturb me, does that count? I just tend to yell back the answer, he's silly sometimes.

i had to laugh at this...when fallcon first moved here, i'd had surgery and wasnt able to get around easily. so i'd be in the bedroom on the laptop, he was in the kitchen on the main computer, and we'd be in a chatroom with friends...i'd IM him and he'd announce in the chatroom that he would brb, "getting iced tea and kitten kisses"

that was a sweet memory, thank you for bringing it back.

kitten

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/5/2008 3:58:57 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Camille65 did the work to express how I feel about it. It is a valuable tool that can help keep communications alive. The instant back and forth is a subtle thing also allowing your to understand the other's feelings beyond what you would learn with slow email. It is a great tool to enhance a real relationship. Thinking about this, it probably would even be beneficial for everyone who is together 24/7 to have an occasional online chat.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 5/5/2008 4:00:41 AM >

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/5/2008 5:48:02 AM

LaTigresse

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Some of the most productive "debates" the other person that lives here at the farm, and I have had, have been online. I don't have to listen to his bellowing and he types much slower than I do. He also reads better than he listens.

Otherwise I have a love/hate relationship with internet relations......no for a LTR. But good for friendly communications.

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/5/2008 6:51:45 AM

MladyHathor

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I wanted to say thank you thus far for some outstanding responses, I hope this thread continues and can serve as one of the many in the future to those who wonder the same or similar things---My reason for the post, is obviously the challenge of finding the balance--I work in an international field and am on the phone and online with countries all over the world---all the time--to Me, the world is only as far away as My keyboard--I have come to believe that based on that and the fact that My local area is very limited with what I consider suitable search critera--the person I find I am sure won't be next door--so online has ot be a means to screen, develop and maintain the relationship leading to and between real times.

My challenge has been the too much, too little, if they want to they will ( thanks ExSteel) issue---I am adamant that at least once a day there is some kind of communication, I don't care if it is an offline that says, "busy day, doing well, we can chat this evening'---however, Ex Steel points out again, " if they want to they will" and that is where My rub comes--I know I am the Queen of time management, so it is easier for Me to say ok 8 or 9 and I'm there---but I do get tired of feeling like Horshak in the back of the class saying " ohhh ohhh Mr Kotter, call on Me"---I am also more tolerant of people's lives--however, if you really want to chat with Me, or be there or grow the relationship, you'll make an effort to be there and if you aren't for days or day after day after day, well that says something too.

< Message edited by MladyHathor -- 5/5/2008 6:56:40 AM >

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RE: On line Communication and the Right Mix - 5/5/2008 4:02:30 PM

LPslittleclip

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i met my M'Lady on line and then in real time. but I'm in the army reserves and i am deploying to Iraq by Aug. shes on a rotating schedule and i only get to see her for weekends and some time in between.my M'Lady uses the net as a tool to bring me more learning in the lifestyle and to get a better understanding of me as well. i wish i could be 24/7 but with military its not possible, and with deployment coming soon i cherish the time i have now with my M'Lady

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RE: On line Communication and the Right Mix - 5/5/2008 7:37:57 PM

kallisto

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If life were so easy and simple that we could make and keep appointments with those in our lives whether it be for an online chat or for a face to face. Online communication can enhance real life relationships so much if we only let it and not get caught up in the "omg, we're doing the online thing". Online can add spice, intrigue, mystery, laughter, yet be just as serious as we need it to be. I chat online with everyone in my life whether I've seen them today or ages ago. Online communication can fill in those gaps when we don't get to see our partner every day or family or friends live far away. I don't see it as a hinderance at all, but as a plus to every relationship I have.

eta: I do agree with Lady Hathor. It takes both parties to make an effort. If I say I'm going to be online at a certain time, I do my level best to make sure I'm there. If not, you would get an explanation as soon as I could. Your time is precious too. I won't be the one wasting it.

< Message edited by kallisto -- 5/5/2008 7:40:51 PM >

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/6/2008 3:22:06 AM

MasterFireMaam

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I have to work hard at talking one-on-one with a person sometimes. I feel I communicate better with the written word because I can edit it over and over and get it to say exactly what I want it to so. With anne, this is easy; she prefers to talk on the phone, so when she does her daily contact, that's usually how we talk. bruce was the same way. michelle, on the other hand, is much like me and we can go weeks without actually talking (because we're on opposite coasts). But, she's not collared and so she's under no obligations to do daily contact.

I think about people a lot. I say to myself, "I need to call, X...I'll do that after (insert whatever it is that I'm doing)." And, invariably, I forget. I have room for improvement in this area.

Master Fire

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RE: Online Communication and the Right Mix - 5/6/2008 4:40:55 AM

SailingBum

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oddly enuff over the years I never developed online friends. My girl sends me the joke emails and once in a great while a reminder to do something. So prolly 1 or 2 % could be considered online. There is about 3 million ppl with 40 mins of me so I wouldn't consider any sort of LDR.

BadOne

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