RE: Question of trust

RE: Question of trust (Full Version)

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RipenReady -> RE: Question of trust (5/4/2008 8:35:58 AM)
Where to even begin on this subject.. Trust is very important to me. If I even question whether I can trust someone or not then I push them away. I believe that in the BDSM world trust is extremely important. I've learned a lot about how much or how little trust to hand out. I've trusted many people and gotten hurt. Now I know better. You have to earn my trust now. I used to believe that people were sincere about things that they do but when someone hurts you you realize that isn't so true anymore. I think we all give a level of trust out to everyone but to really get deep down inside it takes a while.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Question of trust (5/5/2008 9:22:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: Othie How do you view trust? One of the lines I read the most when it comes to BDSM is "trust is earned". Personally to me, trust is more like nesting dolls, with layers upon layers... What do you think of trust? Clearly it is something very important in any relationship, and that is, if anything, even more true in a BDSM relationship. But just what is trust? Degree of trust - Like you, I have degrees of trust. My initial degree, my default trust level is very high compared to most people. I initially trust people with everything except my money and my life. If they do harm, then I retract trust. Importance of trust - To me, successful TPE requires complete trust and commitment. It has to run both ways or neither will gain it. Trust is a key to inspiring love. Mutual trust requires mutual exposure. Exposure is vulnerability. Vulnerability proves trust. Trust inspires love. Love makes surrender and control possible. If you are to succeed at a 100% power exchange, there is no room for secrets or privacy on either part under any pretense, not even the pretense of respect. My power to control comes from completely exposing who I am, not from false invulnerability created by guarding my exposure to you. Degree of trust - Unlike you, I have a default almost entirely lacking in trust. Ontological insecurity? Paradoxically, because I never could trust as a child, I tend therefore not to be able to distinguish between situations which I can trust, and those that I cannot. This makes me look-like, and behave like a risk taker. Importance of trust - To me, also, successful TPE requires complete trust and commitment. But since my default mode doesn't recognise it within me very well then I don't discriminate well about others. This shows up as naivety on my part in that I appear to trust everybody in the same degree. Mutual trust requires mutual exposure. ...I absolutely agree and think this very well expressed. But that means that not only has someone got to want to stick around my inadequacies in trust long enough to want to 'teach me it. this shows up like I am making themm responsible for embueing the relationship with trust whilst not showing any myself. Trust inspires love. ........also superbly put. Love makes surrender possible...yes and I can understand this in a spiritual fashion in my abilities to surrender to the unknown ideal but not to an uniknown reality. does that make sense or not? If i am to succeed at a 100% power exchange, there is no room for secrets or privacy on my part about my inability to trust but this shows up as a lack of respect. on my part. I used to blame the way in which I was reared, (or not) and the way I was held (or not) and so on but 'blaming' someone else, especially my mother, still doesn't solve the circularity and the conundrum. One day I am going to just jump in feet first, take the risk and I will be caught instead of drowning. You are most intriguing. I can see where your complexities could create some navigation problems in the beginning stages of a TPE. Your self awareness seems your best asset to helping your partner navigate. I predict one day you will trust enough to go out on the limb, far enough that it does break… and learn that was the point of the lesson in the first place. To learn to trust enough to break it and discover he will catch you when you fall. The trick is, us Domly guys don’t share that aspect of the trust and faith test prior to the test or it spoils the results… so you never know if you got an asshole that doesn’t know the breaking point of the limb or some that is teaching to fall gracefully while he catches you. Falling from that broken limb is a high form of surrender Even the most perfect love will always break your heart to a degree To feel love deeply is to feel the joy and the pain of it and it is worth the cost

TysGalilah -> RE: Question of trust (5/6/2008 4:03:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: Othie How do you view trust? One of the lines I read the most when it comes to BDSM is "trust is earned". Personally to me, trust is more like nesting dolls, with layers upon layers... What do you think of trust? Clearly it is something very important in any relationship, and that is, if anything, even more true in a BDSM relationship. But just what is trust? Degree of trust - Like you, I have degrees of trust. My initial degree, my default trust level is very high compared to most people. I initially trust people with everything except my money and my life. If they do harm, then I retract trust. Importance of trust - To me, successful TPE requires complete trust and commitment. It has to run both ways or neither will gain it. Trust is a key to inspiring love. Mutual trust requires mutual exposure. Exposure is vulnerability. Vulnerability proves trust. Trust inspires love. Love makes surrender and control possible. If you are to succeed at a 100% power exchange, there is no room for secrets or privacy on either part under any pretense, not even the pretense of respect. My power to control comes from completely exposing who I am, not from false invulnerability created by guarding my exposure to you. Degree of trust - Unlike you, I have a default almost entirely lacking in trust. Ontological insecurity? Paradoxically, because I never could trust as a child, I tend therefore not to be able to distinguish between situations which I can trust, and those that I cannot. This makes me look-like, and behave like a risk taker. Importance of trust - To me, also, successful TPE requires complete trust and commitment. But since my default mode doesn't recognise it within me very well then I don't discriminate well about others. This shows up as naivety on my part in that I appear to trust everybody in the same degree. Mutual trust requires mutual exposure. ...I absolutely agree and think this very well expressed. But that means that not only has someone got to want to stick around my inadequacies in trust long enough to want to 'teach me it. this shows up like I am making themm responsible for embueing the relationship with trust whilst not showing any myself. Trust inspires love. ........also superbly put. Love makes surrender possible...yes and I can understand this in a spiritual fashion in my abilities to surrender to the unknown ideal but not to an uniknown reality. does that make sense or not? If i am to succeed at a 100% power exchange, there is no room for secrets or privacy on my part about my inability to trust but this shows up as a lack of respect. on my part. I used to blame the way in which I was reared, (or not) and the way I was held (or not) and so on but 'blaming' someone else, especially my mother, still doesn't solve the circularity and the conundrum. One day I am going to just jump in feet first, take the risk and I will be caught instead of drowning. Prinsexx Your post made me think of this song: huggzz "Standing Outside The Fire" We call them cool Those hearts that have no scars to show The ones that never do let go And risk the tables being turned We call them fools Who have to dance within the flame Who chance the sorrow and the shame That always comes with getting burned But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire 'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire We call them strong Those who can face this world alone Who seem to get by on their own Those who will never take the fall We call them weak Who are unable to resist The slightest chance love might exist And for that forsake it all They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Life is not tried, it is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire There's this love that is burning Deep in my soul Constantly yearning to get out of control Wanting to fly higher and higher I can't abide Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Life is not tried, it is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Life is not tried, it is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire

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