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FlamingRedhead -> RE: Privacy Rights and Dating in the World of BDSM (4/25/2008 10:03:34 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Loveisallyouneed
Reading through the profiles I am struck by the differences in the amount of information provided to the public.
Some write pages, and others write nothing at all.
Through most of the civilized world privacy is deemed a right. Each individual is free to decide how much of his/her life to divulge to the public, and what aspects of that life to reveal. For example, most of the world does not seem to discuss sexual activities with anyone but their sexual partner; major life events are shared with family and friends and maybe the announcement section in the local paper (births, marriages and deaths).
Dating online (with the intent to form a Long-Term Relationship) creates novel challenges to privacy, in that one is trying to attract a mate with whom one would share all aspects of life, while recognizing that one is essentially talking with strangers.
This means sharing information about ourselves with strangers.
I don't suppose there are many of us who would list his/her sexual kinks for a stranger in a public location.
And yet, that is what a number of people are doing here.
And many of them include pictures.
On the other end of the scale (not counting lurkers) are those who provide the minimum amount of information needed to launch a profile.
The questions are:
- how much of one's privacy must be revealed to the public through profiles, journals and posts ... and how much should be left for private correspondence or face-to-face meetings?
Ideally, I would say only as much information as one is comfortable with sharing. However, I look at incomplete profiles in an unfavorable light. In my mind, the person is either too lazy or hiding something, like not actually having any experience.
- how does one handle questions which, if answered, would reveal more of one's private life than one is comfortable revealing (given the degree of familiarity between the person asking and the person asked)? If someone asks a specific question on an issue one does not wish to reveal, and for which "no comment" would be revealing, how does one retain his/her privacy?
I haven't had this problem, really. No one has ever asked me for something like a home address or home phone until we had met in person several times. I'm an open book.
- how much respect do you have for the privacy of others? Do you assume someone retains information to be deceitful, or do you assume the information is retained as an act of privacy?
I don't have much respect for privacy. In my experience, people are liars for the most part. They tell you only what you want to hear and dodge questions that might erase the pretty picture they're painting. I'm a suspicious person by nature, and if I feel someone is continually avoiding answering my questions, it raises my suspicion even more. Chalk it up to being hyper-aware in a potentially dangerous dating world.
- any other thoughts you'd care to share about privacy are also welcome.
I prefer to efficiently and bluntly cut through the crap. I have learned a hard lession about spending weeks or months getting to know someone only to find out they're not what I'm looking for. Therefore, I want to know the bad stuff first. Everyone can handle the good stuff. It seems that part of the "game" is to draw someone in thinking that once they "have" you the "bad" stuff won't matter. WRONG! It's a doomed relationship built on misconceptions.
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