slaveboyforyou
Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline
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quote:
I realize her drinking is a major issue, however I've been around a number of drunk people in days. Hell, most drunk people don't act the way she does.
I think even if she does stop drinking, it won't be enough, she has deep rooted anger issues. I've seen the small things that trigger it. She can go from Happy fun loving drunk to wicked mean in a drop of a dime.
There are things that trigger it, how somebody might look at her, things people say and do around her, or things she see's. I've also seen her cry because something triggered it.
Deep down though, she has a lot of anger issues. When I was with her, she was only drinking one day out of the week. It's not like she has to have one all the time. However, stress is a trigger for her drinking.
It's the anger when it comes out that becomes the problem, she's very rebellious and defiant at the world around her. I know her sobber world connects with her drunken world. Some of our sobber conversations reached her in her drunken state. To the point one night she actually asked me for permission before doing something while drunk off her ass. It was strange shimmer of hope I saw in the middle of some crazy moment. So, I know communication and talking about things and working things on the sobber level can connect to her.
Dare I express this, I think she has a bigger problem with Anger compared to drinking. Mind you, it's a bad combination with these two things hand and hand.
Owner I am going to tell you something; don't get mad. You don't understand addiction. Her drinking is probably rooted somewhat in her anger. Her anger is coming from somewhere else. She can't just stop drinking. She will only be a dried out drunk, and it won't fix the problem. She will go right back to the drinking or even drugs if she can get her hands on it. You said you went on a binge for awhile, and yeah I imagine you learned some lessons from it. That's not alcoholism, it's problem drinking. It's not the same thing. Alcoholism is an extremely complicated disease that can't be fixed. You can't and will never be able to just make her stop. In fact, she doesn't need to be in any relationship at all for a long time once she starts addressing her problem. Her brain is not working right, and it won't for a long time even after she stops. She will need friends around her, but not lovers nor masters.
I know all about this, because I have been through it. I don't talk about it here or even offline with others. My past behavior embarrasses me. I was in a rehab for 30 days in 1999 because I almost died from my drinking. I had family, friends, police, everyone trying to help me. I didn't listen to any of them. I was mad at the world, and I would become vicious with anyone that tried to help me. I was like your friend here. I would fight people at the drop of a hat when I was drinking. I am surprised I didn't die or ever get in serious trouble. The worst trouble I ever got into was public intoxication charges. I never got a DWI, which to this day amazes me. I had an angel on my shoulder.
I tried quitting; I even went 2 months one time. It didn't fix it. I tried switching to beer. It didn't last, because it just made me want to drink twice as much. I tried switching to pot. I ended up drinking and smoking pot at the same time. I couldn't afford pot, so I quit doing that. I never kept a job for longer than a few months. I was a wreck, and I didn't start doing something about it until I decided I needed help. I made the decision on my own. No one did it for me, and no one could do it for me. I finally got myself out of the abyss. It took me awhile. After I got out of rehab, I gave up drinking for two years and did nothing but work. I went back to school and finally got my degree. I didn't date or see women for almost 3 years. I couldn't, I wasn't emotionally mature enough to do it. It would not have been fair to them. Your friend can't do it either, and she won't be able to for a long time. I myself don't go in for the complete abstinence approach that AA promotes. I still drink on occasion now, but I have to watch it. I can get myself in trouble real easily again. Your friend may be able to after she has addressed all of this, and she may not. It's going to be a long while until she can figure that out. Again you can't do it for her. Don't even try to regulate it.
quote:
Even thinking back to her reasoning why she drinks, the trigger to why she drinks... I think goes hand and hand with Anger.
I was always blunt in asking her the question, why did you get so damn drunk?
There is no trigger for her drinking. She drinks because she is a drunk. I was a drunk too. I would use the "trigger" excuse to justify my drunkeness. She doesn't want to get that "damn drunk". Trust me, she never has that as a goal. She isn't thinking when she picks up that bottle and starts drinking.
My advice to you is to get some people together and do an intervention. If she won't take your offer of help, than you need to cut ties with her. The help she needs is professional help. You can't do it. I don't care how many books you read on the subject. Don't try, you will only make it worse.
< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 4/22/2008 5:36:46 PM >
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RE: Fighting with the White Knight inside myself - 
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