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stella41b -> RE: Living Life (4/21/2008 9:05:18 PM)
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Having lived much of my life - twenty odd years or so - not being myself, not really sure of who I was, having doubts and trying to be who I wasn't ever going to be and never was then yes, you do have to live life before you know.
I am a product of my own evolution and because I differ from most people reading these threads my path through life as who I am is different but I am unique, I am individual, and therefore not much different from anyone else reading these threads. I became aware that I was someone different at 4, that I could be someone else at 13, I felt sure at 17 but still had doubts, but some years later I finally acquired the knowledge I needed to be me. This makes such a difference.
Now I could look at life in two ways. I could strike out those twenty odd years and give myself a handicap, but this would mean playing the victim, or I can just learn to accept that things were as they were and move on. The way I see it, that quarter of a century of life was lived in error but it is still life and it was still lived, I was always the same person throughout the only thing which changed was the perception.
And there have been benefits, I have been exploring, searching, drifting, questioning, and though my life has been abnormally difficult by the standards of many people it hasn't prevented me from leading a happy, fulfilling, and eventful life. Even in the difficult periods it was fun, and I even managed to discover my talents, my creativity, find a future based on those talents and even brush the pages of a few encyclopaedias along the way.
What is life anyway? Is it not the union of body, soul, and experience?
So what is living? Living for me is listening to that inner voice of your Soul, deep inside you, and following that path it dictates.. It is filling in the empty spaces in your mind, finding the answers to those questions, it is evolution, learning, progress, development, change, and so on.
Does 'searching' achieve anything positive? I for one can personally say it does, I'm living proof of this. I spent a quarter of a century or more (even) of never really knowing who I was or being sure, but in seeking out the answers and seeking out the knowledge I discovered BDSM, theatre, spirituality, different cultures, different languages, got to know so many different people, so much so I found success, the basis for a happy and fulfilling life.. but most importantly I found myself and the essence of who I really am. I've also discovered connections between the whole lot, theatre, BDSM, spirituality, which has given me my own theory, methodology and also my own philosophy on life.
Should you move on with life before knowing your path, position, orientation? Why yes of course. How else are you going to find out, other than by living life and gathering experiences.?
Maybe it's the way my life has panned out so far, maybe it's just the way I am, I don't know, but I'm very Bohemian in nature, sometimes I feel as if I'm stuck in a time warp, but I tend to make it up as I go along. Maybe it's because I've lived a lot of life already, maybe I've made just too many mistakes - something I'm pretty good at, in fact sometimes I think it's just another hobby.. but then again being in the wrong place at the wrong time has given me so many opportunities.
I see life and relationships as being two different things. It's the relationships which shape your life. We all come from the same source, the womb of a woman, we all have a mother, and nobody quite shapes our life as much as our mother or immediate family. It doesn't matter how your relationship with your mother turns out, because it shapes your life, and it's usually the death of your mother which brings it home just how mortal you really are and how fragile your life really is. We have different relationships with different people, friendships, family relationships, neighbours, employers, coworkers, and the people we share intimacy with, people we share our lives with.
When it comes to introducing children into your life, then yes, I feel that at least for the next twenty or so years you should have answers to the major questions in your life, but when it comes to a sexual or intimate relationship not necessarily so. To form a relationship with someone you need nothing other than an open mind and an open heart. If you are true to yourself (both of you) true to your values and true to other people in your life then together you should be able to overcome whatever life throws at you and time will sort out the rest and help you write your own love story. How you cope with life is somewhat secondary I feel to how you cope with each other.
Life for me is a constant balancing act - I'm seeking to satiate the needs and desires of my soul but I'm also seeking to be connected to the world and people around me. I try to see myself in other people and to see them in me, to understand that yes, I am a unique individual, but then I can only bring value and meaning to this world and to this life if I share myself with other people and allow them to share themselves with me. It is only through living among the living that I can remain connected not just with the physical but also with the spiritual for I am both matter and energy and this is fundamental to my existence.
One of the most important questions in life is 'why?'.. Sure you can ask people, they might be able to explain to you, they might not, but I find it's often better to reach out, be there, and to walk at least a mile with them along their chosen path through life. Quite often when you're walking this mile with them you discover things not just about them but also about yourself.
This helps you to learn about other people, and through this human nature, but it also teaches you about yourself an enables you to be able to define yourself to some extent and to use your definitions as a guide for other people to get to know you.
However this makes it all sound rather jolly and would probably make for a lot of happy bunnies in this world, were it not for reality and perception. Quite often there's a slight difference as to how we see ourselves and how other people see us, but also how we see our lives and how other people see our lives.
The problem with labels and definitions is that some people tend to classify others and pigeonhole other people into categories, when in reality they are only a sort of guide.
But you know, living is about being unsure, about having doubts, about making mistakes, about having fears, it's about losing, failing, because to get at the truth you have to reach out and explore the illusions, and you often have to wade into that mess before you find both structure and some sort of a pattern.
We are imperfect and we live imperfect lives in an imperfect world. This is why love requires a broken heart to find it, and an open mind, because though we may be admired and respected for our achievements we are often loved for our imperfections and vulnerability. You cannot find acceptance until you can learn to deal with rejection, and you have no hope of success until you have learned to cope with failure and to find not just answers to questions but solutions to problems. Living is the route to everything and everyone we need for a happy, fulfilling and meaningful life.
Living is the only way to meet the challenge of death, for not every opportunity comes back and not everyone gets the chance to say goodbye. There is no greater tragedy than to have died without ever having lived.
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