RE: Life vs kink? (Full Version)

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Leatherist -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/18/2008 10:17:27 PM)

You mean this bear?

I hate little boxes too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KnC-obchYM



Noah -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/18/2008 10:27:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBearI have nothing in comman with that majority of good folk and althoiugh I enjoy them for short periods, the call of the wold is too ctrong for me..


I think there is no wild place you can go to which will let you escape the vast range of things you have in common with every one of those good folk.

We're all born of woman. We eat, sleep, work, screw and die. We each have a past inevitably peopled by... people. We share language and read and write it. We engage in the economic world. We laugh and sigh and cry. We aspire and perspire. Our shit stinks. We can see beauty and ugliness. We can nurture and create and we can dismantle and destroy. Almost all of us start with either two or three legs. We have drives, we have a heart and a mind. Our bodies fail us eventually, one way or another.

Even the person who is as different as can be is more than 99% identical to all the rest in terms of DNA, right?



quote:

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


Don't discount Testimony. That would make things far too easy for those prone to some very dark crimes.







themischievous1 -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/18/2008 11:12:45 PM)

BDSM and other assundry activities are primarily taking place in the bedroom, as far as I'm concerned, and most people don't live their lives in the bedroom. Since I have a fairly young child, it's definitely not going to be my primary interest, though I wouldn't mind a relationship that was spiced up by the reminder of the D/s dynamic during the vanilla day and ongoing vanilla responsibilities.

The first thing I'm considering when I look at a prospective partner's profile is "how will this person fit into my vanilla life?" That is my primary concern. And it's pretty simple from that point on -- if that person doesn't fit, I don't care what their BDSM/lifestyle/D/s interests are, they aren't going to work if they can't blend in with everything else.

I'm seeking a serious, long term relationship that will become an enduring partnership in the future. Play partners are a dime a dozen so I don't spend a lot of time even considering someone from that aspect of things..



lronitulstahp -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 4:27:43 AM)

quote:

Do you mean you feel people have forgotten that there are endeavors besides kinky ones?   
     Precisely... i am a submissive, i am a sub 24/7, that is part of my nature.  But i am not "on" 24/7.  Everything in my life doesn't have a kinky connotation.  my entire life can't be one long continuous scene.  And many people that contact me, or that i know on a personal level, seem to have these warped views that it can/ should be...
D/s and kink for me are seperate.  The relationship being Dom/sub...that is static, kink being in place all day...that is another matter. 



kiwisub12 -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 6:57:23 AM)

i am a slave 24/7, i also work full time outside the house, and yes, my life is bdsm. When i am washing  dishes, cleaning the toilets or paying bills, i am there for my Sir. If i am busy and he wants a cup of coffee - i go and get it,and am happy to do so.  When we are out at a restaurant, if he wants a refill of tea, i go and get it for him. I would feel very odd if he did it for himself. Interestingly, i am usually not the only person doing these things for the people they are with. 

There is a fair section of "vanilla" society where the women or men do these things for the people they love. It probably is a power dynamic, in that the person with less power gets the tea for the person with more, but i would think it is not a discussed dynamic. Perhapes the way we live our lives is just more self aware than these people, or we define power differently, or they are as kinky as we are and just won't admit it , or ........  (add your own reason here).



lronitulstahp -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:03:52 AM)

That's well and good, but to me you describe D/s and not kink...perhaps our definitions are different, but kink for me, is entirely in relation to sex...not the sub mindset.  How can one's life be BDSM if they work outside of the home?  That's my point...are you in bondage while at work?(if so, give me the number for HR, immediately!!! {smile})  Seriously...i think i know what you mean...but for many, especially those trying to find some footing within wiitwd, the imagery may be confusing. 



Leatherist -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:09:45 AM)

I don't see kink as D/s either. I just see it as a particular dynamic.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:14:38 AM)

perhapes we are trying to artificially seperate one thing.  For me D/s and kink are one thing - i couldn't seperate them. I'm not saying i'm dripping when i am serving my Sir coffee, but on some level it is the equivalent of foreplay.    Very early foreplay, but none-the-less, foreplay.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:18:48 AM)

i can honestly say...i totally "get" this. 
quote:

perhapes we are trying to artificially seperate one thing.  For me D/s and kink are one thing - i couldn't seperate them. I'm not saying i'm dripping when i am serving my Sir coffee, but on some level it is the equivalent of foreplay.    Very early foreplay, but none-the-less, foreplay.  
  It's well said.   i think everything in D/s leads up to something else...but while i can share my kink with a random dude i might just fancy in a sexual way...my submissive side, i only trust with certain people...



FangsNfeet -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:43:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist


 Priorities in seeking relationships seem a bit skewed. Is it really such a bad thing to look at vanilla life together as the most important thing?
 
 


It's important for me that my wife be kinky. We do not want nor desire to be vanilla. If I can't have a kinky relationship, then I'd rather not be in a relationship at all.



KnightofMists -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 8:20:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

 Priorities in seeking relationships seem a bit skewed. Is it really such a bad thing to look at vanilla life together as the most important thing?
 
 Or do you think we see it discussed to little because it's not exciting enough?


I can't speak to what other's priorities are when seeking a relationship... but... I can say that if they have trouble finding someone and/or keeping a relationship going... well they might want to take a good are hard look at themselves.  Something that people in general avoid doing.

I am not sure what people find or not find exciting.  It's been my experience that some people can find joy and excitement doing the mundane things as well as the more adventurous things.  I think it is a mindset of how individuals approach their life in the moment.  Taking all juice from that lemon that they can.  Some however, focus doing exciting things and avoid the mundane.

I wonder of the two who is more happier and having a more satisfying life?  I know for myself chasing to do exciting things is rather exhausting and not very fulfilling.  I am more a person that tries to take the best out of the life that is handed me in the moment... sometimes I don't do so a good job of that... but alot more often than not.. I succeed.

To me it is not Life vrs kink thing... it is kink is part of my life... just like going to work.  I have a lifestyle that is has a depth and breath that goes well beyond the bedroom.   I find life to be very fuild in that the environment I am in will affect me... however, I can also affect the enironment that I am in.  I flow in the environment not much different than a canoe down the river.  I keep my little canoe balanced so I don't tip into the river and be engulfed by it.   But paddling against the current is not a choice that I will usually make either.  There is alot of things in my canoe ... my kink is only a part not the whole.  I am much more holistic than just focusing on the kink.  In part that is why I don't like the term Power Exchange... since it's focus tends to avoid so much of what is in my canoe.  I use the concept of a Power Enhancement Relationship... because.. for me it embraces all aspects of my life.  My life is my power.  I seek to enhance it.. I seek to grow it.. I seek to integrate my life with others that are in my little canoe.



colouredin -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 8:28:39 AM)

Sub is my mentality, i dont see 24/7 as being micromanaged all the time, I see it more as a state of mind, you still are you but the final say is that of the Dominants, kink is the activities, you can be of a submissive mind set without needing the activities, thats my opinion anyways and I dont think there is a seperation,  sub is just a label, im me all the time, every day, i cant split that into little boxes im afraid



Leatherist -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 8:29:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

 Priorities in seeking relationships seem a bit skewed. Is it really such a bad thing to look at vanilla life together as the most important thing?
 
 Or do you think we see it discussed to little because it's not exciting enough?


I can't speak to what other's priorities are when seeking a relationship... but... I can say that if they have trouble finding someone and/or keeping a relationship going... well they might want to take a good are hard look at themselves.  Something that people in general avoid doing.

I am not sure what people find or not find exciting.  It's been my experience that some people can find joy and excitement doing the mundane things as well as the more adventurous things.  I think it is a mindset of how individuals approach their life in the moment.  Taking all juice from that lemon that they can.  Some however, focus doing exciting things and avoid the mundane.

I wonder of the two who is more happier and having a more satisfying life?  I know for myself chasing to do exciting things is rather exhausting and not very fulfilling.  I am more a person that tries to take the best out of the life that is handed me in the moment... sometimes I don't do so a good job of that... but alot more often than not.. I succeed.

To me it is not Life vrs kink thing... it is kink is part of my life... just like going to work.  I have a lifestyle that is has a depth and breath that goes well beyond the bedroom.   I find life to be very fuild in that the environment I am in will affect me... however, I can also affect the enironment that I am in.  I flow in the environment not much different than a canoe down the river.  I keep my little canoe balanced so I don't tip into the river and be engulfed by it.   But paddling against the current is not a choice that I will usually make either.  There is alot of things in my canoe ... my kink is only a part not the whole.  I am much more holistic than just focusing on the kink.  In part that is why I don't like the term Power Exchange... since it's focus tends to avoid so much of what is in my canoe.  I use the concept of a Power Enhancement Relationship... because.. for me it embraces all aspects of my life.  My life is my power.  I seek to enhance it.. I seek to grow it.. I seek to integrate my life with others that are in my little canoe.


I'm deciding more and more, that I really like you. I think we have similar views on life. You do your best to make it work in a well rounded manner-and take the joy from each experience as it comes your way.. And don't sweat the small stuff too much.

Integration would seem to be the key aspect to me. I have to go to work now-I'll think of it while I am making my customers happy. Have a great day.



KnightofMists -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 5:15:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I'm deciding more and more, that I really like you.


mmmmmmm so your saying that you find yourself drawn to Assholes in the friendships you develop?



Leatherist -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 6:18:02 PM)

I'm drawn to people who can think. Assholes or no. I'm not exactly Pollyanna myself. [:D]



vampchick88 -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 6:31:23 PM)

 
Everyone’s life has vanilla in it, as much as it may suck to say sadly it does. BDSM while it is extremely enjoyable cannot be lived 24/7 as much as some of us would love to. We must be a part of society or we’ll cease to exist. Personally I have chosen to be part of society but in my own way, my dress, attitude, style, and just my personality don’t seem to mesh well with those who are called ‘normal’ I might live in a vanilla world but its ok, I’ve added sprinkles!!! ~Lorelei



MzHard -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:01:44 PM)

I can't tell you how often I've thought the same thing.
I'm amazed ppl are so shallow to think how you fuck makes
a relationship...but, I've only learned this from experience.

I've been lucky I guess. I've met great ppl from the community.
geeze connecting kinks is hard enough.
Sometimes its just as easy to share what you like w/a normie.



Leatherist -> RE: Life vs kink? (4/19/2008 7:07:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzHard

I can't tell you how often I've thought the same thing.
I'm amazed ppl are so shallow to think how you fuck makes
a relationship...but, I've only learned this from experience.

I've been lucky I guess. I've met great ppl from the community.
geeze connecting kinks is hard enough.
Sometimes its just as easy to share what you like w/a normie.



I used to go the the wetspot etc in seattle years ago. The club owner pushes the whole poly/pagan thing so hard it felt like being at a sci fi con. It just stopped being fun, having to endure that crap. So I just make gear, and have fun with friends away from all of that now.

I'm much happier that way. [:)]



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