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ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Hi Lycoth

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend - that is truly an awful experience.

If you are convinced you have a gender identity issue, then the best thing you can do next is go and see a psychologist about it - preferably one trained in the field. Look up www.susans.org which has a huge set of resources and links, including links to psychologists in every state. The most important thing right now is to make sure that what you think you feel is really what you feel, that it is really a problem, how much of a problem it is, and therefore what actions are appropriate to deal with those problems. Be open and honest with whomever you see, and especially with yourself.

Full time transition is not necessarily what might be appropriate even where there is a problem. Because, and I will make no bones about this - transition is a really, really serious undertaking. What sorts my two groups in the previous post is this - for one group, suicide is the end result of making that transition and for the other, suicide is the end result of not making that transition.

You need to understand this. Transition risks your life and everything in your life. You have to be prepared to lose family, friends, home, career, personal safety and your life history up to now. Is your problem so serious that you are prepared to lose all of this? It may not come to losing all of it of course - but you dont know until you do it and you have to be prepared to lose everything for this.

And even then, thats not enough. It is a sad indictment of our species perhaps, but all of us make superficial judgements of others based on their appearance alone. For those who transition who dont pass as female (which means appearance, voice, movement), life can become a living hell in the wider world - rejection, hostility, harassment, violence and murder are the side dishes on the menu. Is your problem so serious that you are prepared to live with this? There are treatments and surgeries and all manner of tips and tricks to help with appearance of course - some cheap and simple, some expensive, difficult and painful.

And then you have to face up to the fact that most of us end up alone. Whatever we do - however much time and money we expend, however much pain we go through, we will never be women. We may be lucky enough to be accepted socially and professionally as women, but that acceptance ends at the bedroom door. We are not woman enough for heterosexual men or lesbians and we are not man enough for heterosexual women or gay men. Bisexuals of both sexes are generally equally as picky. The most likely partners for us are others in the same situation. And the unfortunately creepy band of male "tranny fanciers" who roam the Internet and trans groups.

Now, I'll be honest - I am incredibly lucky. I happen to have had it easy for quite unjustified reasons, I pass as female quite naturally. But I lost out on friends, career and home - and just that much is hard enough. I also advise the police here on dealing with trans matters and I see the hate crime figures against the likes of me - not pretty, and have had a few through here, referred to me for coaching and friendship by the police after being repeatedly beaten up, including one case where the person barricaded themselves in every night and slept with a fire extinguisher and the emergency number programmed on their mobile because their family had made attempts on their life by way of arson.

So, with all that as possible consequences, the question you have to ask is - is your gender identity problem causing you so much distress, such inhibited functioning in the world that the only way to fix it is to transition?

E

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ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

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ORIGINAL: GoddessTeaze

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ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

first of all..there is no such thing as a woman trapped in a man's body....if you tell that to a psych they'll laugh at you.

you are either a man...or you are a woman.

And how do you call Transsexuals?
Who feel they we're born into the wrong body,
and why do Psychiatrists take them serious in the Netherlands?(at least)
And don't make fun of them?

Because it's a serious issue.

And why do people get operated on?
get a sexchange?

Because they arent happy in the body they we're born in.

Lycoth you've My email,
and you know how to get in touch.
I wish you well hon.


GoddezzT`

transsexuals suffer from gender identity disorder(although its called something else now).  gender and sexuality have no relation to one another.  therefore if their problem is sexual..they had better not transition because this is what leads to suicides.  if their problem is gender ..then it has nothing to do with your body.  gender is in the mind.  you will be male or you will be female.  it has nothing to do with your body.  bodys can be changed/adapted to fit the mind.

a transsexual will also never be the opposite sex because they will never have the actual real organs of the opposite sex.  the penis is still the same penis as its just inverted into a vagina.  nothing is changed.  if you have a sexual problem...and you have your penis changed... it causes suicides.  so in reality they DONT have sex changes at all because nothing physical is changed.  and a psychiatrist and lawyer is required to get your M changed to an F on your id's even after srs.

my point is a psychiatrist will not look at someone who uses that phrase of being trapped.  but they will look at someone who knows what gender they are.  it is better to know who you are than to be confused about the issues at hand.  a very high % of trans think they are trans because of sexual issues and NOT gender issues.  thats why they are required to see a psychiatrist...and here in canada its actually 2 psychiatrist you are required to see.

netherlands is a money grabber.  there is too much competition there and the price for surgery is half of what it is here.  this is because everybody is doing it and for the wrong reasons.  our gov't used to cover the surgery until people with the wrong reasons doing it commit  suicide.  now the gov't doesnt cover it and the cost for srs here is $20,000.
overseas its less than half that.  thailand is the most popular place for trans.  they have one of the highest populations of trans people in the world.  they also have the most dr's in the world and is why it is ultra cheap.  they also have very little rules about it.

i have 30 yrs gender and sexuality experience.  i am afterall born intersexed.  i was not even told that i was and i was diagnosed at age 35 when my endocrinologist at age 32 suggested that i was intersexed.  before that i was trans.  so i have done a TON of research and i KNOW what i am talking about.

i am trying to protect the op from making a possible (NOTE POSSIBLE) serious mistake.  i am HELPING them.  i am not denying their feelings or thoughts.  i am making them a reality which they hasveto diagnose and be sure of who they are before any drastic moves are taken.  he is only 20 and has LOTS of time.