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LadyEllen -> RE: Looking for some help and/or advice (4/18/2008 5:15:05 AM)
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Hi Lycoth - here's the first bit
We get questions and enquiries quite often here from biological males who show interest in or declare an intention to transition to living as female, usually requesting advice, guidance and help. Since this is something I have experience of, having done it myself, and since also its an issue which recurs with some frequency, (and writing out the whole thing again and again is a pain in the neck!), this is meant to be a general piece which hopefully goes towards answering such threads in general.
Part One – “Trans”
First up – its absolutely, extremely, utterly vital for the enquirer to understand that the “trans” category covers a lot of ground. The “trans” category may be most easily divided into two sub-categories – the transvestite/ crossdresser sub-category and the transsexual sub-category, to distinguish motivations for transgender behaviours.
The transvestite/ crossdresser sub-category is generally defined by a psycho-sexual, emotional or recreational motivation for the transgender behaviour. However within this sub-category there are distinctive types of TV/CD who display various forms of transgender behaviour, each motivated by one or more primary motivations. Despite common misunderstandings, most of those who fall into the TV/CD sub-category in general, are heterosexual males. Some may engage in what would normally be deemed homosexual acts when dressed, but even amongst these they generally lack the emotional and romantic attraction to other males which would indicate homosexual or bisexual motivations.
The transsexual sub-category is generally defined by a gender identity issue which causes inhibited or distressing social functioning, against which the transgender behaviour operates to resolve these issues. And in this sub-category too, there are myriad variations. The more well known variation here is the full blown transsexual who seeks surgical sex change, but there are also those who do not seek this but take female hormones and anti-androgens to produce a more feminine appearance and help deal with their identity issues. And there are some who undertake neither pharmaceutical nor surgical interventions.
These two categories are often confused and the above is a generalisation for ease of understanding. Some confusion is provoked by association – many in the transsexual camp will find allies, particularly in their early experiments in resolving their issues, in the camp of the TV/CD group. And many in the TV/CD group will make use of treatments required by the TS camp, to assist in their transgender behaviours – eg facial hair removal.
There can also be confusion generated by the fact that many who fall into the TS camp are unable for whatever reason to make the transition they require, and will undertake the same brief sojourns into the female gender as the TV/CD camp does. But for those in the TS camp who are able to make the transition, the transition is permanent, 24/7 for the rest of their lives – for doing so resolves otherwise permanent gender identity issues which interfere with their normal functioning, whilst the TV/CD camp confines itself to brief and temporary transitions – for doing so resolves occasional but recurrent psycho-sexual, emotional or recreational needs.
The two camps are also divided by social reaction towards them. Whilst the TS camp is not yet a welcomed or accepted part of society, there has been much publicity of their condition and tolerance is these days just as likely as outright rejection and hostility by virtue of better public education. Meanwhile for the TV/CD camp, there is an expectation of shame, humiliation, rejection and hostility, which provokes this group into secrecy and personal shame about their transgender behaviour.
A side effect of this is to encourage and motivate those who should rightly be happy to be in the TV/CD group, to seek to justify themselves and their motivations and behaviours by ascribing to themselves aspects of the gender identity disorders of the better tolerated TS group, and to seek out treatments and even full blown transition (including sex reassignment surgery) which will affirm them in that category. There is also somewhat of a problem in this regard with fantasists who imagine that transition will be akin to a crossdressing session and provide a lasting and even permanent fulfilment of their crossdressing motivations. For normally gendered males, such transition is totally and utterly the wrong thing to do and will almost exclusively lead to depression, withdrawal and suicide. Meanwhile for female gendered males (the TS camp) such transition, (if successful), almost exclusively leads to a reduction in depression, withdrawal and suicide risk.
For these reasons it is very important indeed to have or to acquire the self-knowledge to know first, in which camp one belongs, and then to have or to acquire the self-acceptance of that knowledge.
There ought to be no personal shame or embarrassment if one is a CD/TV; it is not “better” or “more advanced” or “superior” to be in the TS group – in fact it is a very difficult, stressful, dangerous, lonely and costly thing in every way to resolve the issues of being in the TS group – and it would have to be ten times more difficult, stressful, dangerous and lonely if one did it for any reasons other than the right reasons.
So Lycoth, going from the above and your own personal thoughts, how would you describe your situation?
E
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