RE: Stepping out of my safety zone

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 4:56:40 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

LilMissHaven,

We have spoken, you know how I feel.

I am So Proud of you for stepping out of your Box, and even trying to process it. Leaps and Bounds lil bit, Leaps and Bounds.

I see you as being something that has yet to discover it's full self. I see you seeing what you are capable of and getting those "Ah, Ha!!" Moments a lot lately.

I wish you knew just how amazing this is going to be when you get to look back on it and see where it all started moving foreward.

Take care of yourself I am praying for you... all the time.

Steel

Yes, I know how you feel and am grateful to call you friend.

Honestly, I am kind of proud of myself too. In the past I have always needed my dad or J to push me past my comfort zone whether it be talking or certain activities but I've been learning more about myself lately and my own capabilities. When its all said and done, no matter how much it hurts right now I don't think I would trade this time for all the money in the world.

O no! I've been demoted from girl to something. lol Well, 'tis better to be something then a nothing.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers,
Haven

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 4:58:46 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald

quote:

ORIGINAL: LilMissHaven
I expect to know my needs more then my partner...Not always true
I expect my partner to know what I need without my having to ask...Not always true

I expect I will have to bend my expectations to find someone who can fulfill my dreams...probably getting pretty close with that one.

No one knows everything about themselves no matter how brilliant and experienced they are.

Six or seven years ago, I had absolutely no idea I'd be the person I am today. My desires, plans and beliefs are all vastly different than they used to be.

Never have I heard truer words.

If you would have told me even a year ago I would be the girl saying "Stop pushing me around I can do it myself" and that I'd actually enjoy pushing myself. I never would have believed you.

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:05:55 AM

TysGalilah

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Joined: 11/21/2007
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..just as you talk about in your journal>
sometimes there are few words to express the support you want to give to someone else, and the best you can do is "be there" ...
That is how I feel right now, reading your post and journal. Few words, but I understand the need to hurt worse on the outside so I can perhaps hurt less on the inside.
You are not alone. You are strong, your circumstances show that clearly. Tears are not our weaknesses, they show/and take strength & are the feelings and words we cannot seem to verbalize, released and freed.
Bless the heart of the man who held you and let you lean into his strength and cry.

sending you a gentle hug
Cyndi

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galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:12:07 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

i'm struggling not to cry after reading your post, haven.

if i were alone, i'd let loose, but ahh with wolf still home, he makes fun of me, you know?

yes, your post made sense. i went for 4 years so cold inside that i couldnt cry. the day i did finally thaw, i cried for 3 hours. and i had a very good male friend who did just as that dominant did for you, he held me and let me cry.

its a release MUCH different than a "scening" release, tears from pain, but one that is needed, nonetheless.

*hugs* i am glad to see you are keeping care of yourself.

kitten

Whats with all the tears?

I think if I ever have children I will let them cry and not make them feel ashamed. My dad is the ole blustery military type crying is for fools it doesn't solve anything so stop your blubbering girl. And so when I cry for any reason other then physical pain I feel like a fool.

The problem is a lot of things inspire me to cry so I spend half my life biting it back. Watching J suffer, watching a friend watch her child pass, the puppy so excited to see me that he trips over his own over eager wagging like mad tail, a new colt being born.

Eventually, it all piles up and takes you to the place you described where everything is black and cold and has no impact on you, I've been there once.

I've decided to fight shutting down and find a way to let it all go.

You inspire me because I know you have been there and survived, thanks for being my source of hope. (Don't you dare cry!!)

Haven

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:14:41 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

i'm glad you got what you needed out of the deal!!!!

had it been me, i would have been crying when he hugged me out of anger; anger that he caused by not giving me the pain i wanted/needed. when i take all the steps that you did to step outside of my 'safety/comfort zone', and don't walk away getting even a taste of what i went there for, then i want to go out and beat the shit out of a wall or something from pent-up frustration. i'm such a girl that way, ha, ha, ha!

I don't really know what I was asking for I just needed help. I have to admit though the hug thru me for a loop and at first I just stood there wondering WTF?

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:16:34 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Cathartic release is a huge part of what I do on the spiritual side of SM. It's very powerful! While I know it's wonderful to have friends such as yours, I hope you find someone who understands the process of cathartic release. *hugs*

Master Fire

I'm not even sure I understand the process of cathartic release, I've just gotten to the point where I have to try something or stay where I'm at and sink and I've pretty much decided that isn't an option.

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Post #: 26

RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:24:38 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think it's great that you ended up with a good experience, but I also think you set your sights a little high. I'm not sure why you felt this particular "first part" (?) needed to be where you found someone you'd never played with before to take you someplace you've never been before. Your gamble seems to have mostly paid off and that's great, but examine the process as well as the results.

Well, its gotten to the point where I either find a release or I scream at everyone I come in contact with. And since I've known this couple for three years and am blessed to call them my friends I figured they would be my best bet to safely step out of my comfort zone with. I didn't just walk up to an aquaintance and say whip my ass, I examined my options and went with the wisest choice I had available to me.

They came by yesterday and asked me much in the same manner as you have what I was up to and to make sure I was ok. I told them both about my issues with crying and how J would help take me to the point of release without me having to feel like a fool. My friend said she used to have the same issues with crying and that there are other more constructive ways and that if I can trust her as much as her Master she can help me. I'm not entirely sure what she's up to but I trust her and am willing to try anything that doesn't involve pain.

Ever the pain weinie,
Haven

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:27:38 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Humans are complex creatures.

Acceptance only means that they can understand the same things in you that are in themselves. And have no fear.

Its kind of funny. Half the time I read your posts I'm left wondering wtf your talking about and then something happens in my own life and I suddenly realize OMG thats what he meant. This is the first post I didn't have to wait for an experiance to understand.

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:28:51 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

MzHard, how about you stop trying to rack up the post counter and figure out wtf the post is about before you start typing.

*hugs* Lynnxz

Your such an ass kicker.

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RE: Stepping out of my safety zone - 4/15/2008 5:30:12 AM

LilMissHaven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*hugs* Haven...

Awww my day isn't complete without hugs from you GT

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