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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 9:34:09 AM

GabrielleSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorpha

Mine was engaging in a MFF threesome - I would never have considered it 4 months ago. I'm still not thrilled with it, since I am not bi and have no lesbian leanings, but now I am at least ready to be submitted to it. (Not thrilled, but willing)

Oh totally get where you are coming from! i will be doing this with my Master in two weeks' time and the only way i can deal with it is to immerse myself in the submission part and know that He is challenging me, more than wanting to make me jealous etc. Hope it goes well for You!

To the OP, there are many things i would have considered hard limits in the beginning (not just the one above), but as trust and love between Uus deepens i find i am more open and also more joyeously submissive. In fact, the harder the task seems to be, more joy it brings ultimately when i am doing it for Him. i too will be permanently marked soon, also with something fairly anonymous to the vanilla world - something that i would never dreamed of doing before. Blissful!

Gabrielle x

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 10:16:26 AM

kyraofMists

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I equate the phrase hard limit to what I refer to as boundaries. For us, a boundary is something that if crossed will harm us or the relationship. Throughout my life, my boundaries have changed and they will continue to change for the rest of my life. Things I could do when I was younger, would harm me if I attempted it today. Things that I thought would harm me, I have found I can do and my life is enhanced by them.

I can remember in my 20's that I said I would "never allow a man to hit me". The soreness in my body this morning is evidence that I shed that boundary years ago. When I first met my Lord, I remember not wanting permanent marks and being terrified of blood play. Now I enjoy the marks that are on my flesh and I am sad to see them go. Whenever he uses his knives on me, I get wet with the thought that he might draw blood this time.

I think a large part of it is building security and stability within our relationship. Learning that I can trust him to not harm me. Then there is the continual learning about myself and the things that I enjoy. I have learned that I limit myself out of fear. He pushes me in spite of that fear and makes me realize that I can do things that I didn't think I could.

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 1:25:10 PM

pupofMoGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Floggings

My submissive and I have been together for three months. During that time, I have gently pushed some of her limits, and W/we've discussed pushing others, but haven't actually pushed those, yet.

I think there is only ever a relatively small amount of pushing past the current limits that can be done comfortably and/or safely. Once the sub/slave has moved past those current limits, it takes a little while before that 'point past the old limits' becomes the new limits.

Only then can the Dom/Master begin the process of pushing past those.

It's kind of like moving from point 'A' to point 'B'. That's not a difficult move to make. The Dom/Master might even be able to push the sub/slave from 'A' to 'C'--but probably not from 'A' straight to 'D'. Once the sub/slave has been pushed past 'A' to arrive at 'B' or 'C'--and the sub/slave is comfortable with 'C' as the new limit--starting to push past 'C' to 'D' is much easier to do, than trying to push from 'A' directly to 'D'.

And so it goes...

Floggings,

I agree with You completely that the only way to move into areas in which a submissive defines as a limit is a slow process which could be overcome eventually by progressing from "A" to "B" and eventually to "D". Mistress knows how much i fear needles, but after a while of helping Her with insulin shots, i grew accustomed to the needles. Mistress took a big chance by saying she WAS going to tattoo me when She comes back home. Because i have unwavering trust in Her and i have grown accustomed to needles, i accepted Her tattoo plan eagerly and am anxiously awaiting to wear Her mark. Thank You Floggings for illustrating the process, it couldn't have been put any simpler.

-pup

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 1:30:07 PM

junecleaver

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This same thing happened to me outside of a relationship. My interests started out very narrow and have broadened with time and I think that's normal. Things that repulsed me are now hot buttons. I try not to use the word 'never' because lines drawn in the sand are never permanent.

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 3:05:11 PM

kiwisub12

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When i first came to my Sir, he repeatedly asked me about hard limits - or even limits of any kind. At that time , i told him that i didn't know enough about the lifestyle to establish limits of any kind. We have essentially lived our life since then without limits. There are things Sir won't do with me - like playpiercing because i have no fear of needles, or knife play because i trust my Sir so implicitely that the idea that he might damage me isn't there , so there is no fear there. There are things that i don't care for, and Sir knows these. I am aware that he may make me submit to these if he desires, but for the most part, we don't go there.

I trust my Sir to know me and what disturbs me, and to go softly in those areas.
One day he hogtied me and started to prod me with his cane. I freaked out and started to cry. There was a reaction from deep inside me to the situation that i was unaware of until it happened. He immediately stopped, let me loose, and comforted me. Since then, i have not had that reaction to that situation. There have been several of these psychological moments, unexpected, but when dealt with appropriately, have caused no damage.

I have been gifted with a very sensitive and observant Sir, who has made it possible for me to grow and be comfortable in our lifestyle.

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 3:11:56 PM

Sirsinini

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It's important for us to enjoy who we are and who we will become together.

"Ms Albatross," I cannot believe that these words are my exact thoughts !

Everything else is irrelevant if we are not "becoming together."

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 4:55:13 PM

pupofMoGa

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Hi soft,

It is amazing how much things change over time. I too had a very long list of limits because i did not have the experience of knowing what it is or what it is like. I know one of my limits was fire/wax play, but when Mistress eased me into it by applying the wax to Her finger first, then putting it on me, i gradually built up a liking to it. Now, when Mistress would light candles, i am instantly excited about and ready to recieve the pleasure that She will be providing me through the delicious pain.

It is funny that you mention fisting because a while ago, Mistress mentioned to me that She would like to surprise me by working me up to handle it. When She told me, my eyes popped out and i felt my heart stop. But now i know that it would please Her and i trust Her to ensure that i will be safe, so my nervousness is much less severe now. I am still nervous, but that is only because i cannot visualize the size needed to do so.

As for the tattoo, i am so excited about it. I did my research and i located a parlor that is directly inspected by the County, which eases my fears of infection or disease. I cant wait, i think i am more excited about it than Mistress, lol. <jumps up and down on the sofa> Thank you for wishing me luck with the tattoo, the more confidence i can build the better. lol

-pup

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 4:57:32 PM

pupofMoGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistress

quote:

Pups can be as curious as cats too. <looks innocently>

If not more, my love. If not more!

MoGa

<pops my head out of Mistress's dresser drawer as i dig through it, curiously looking around>

What was that Mistress?

<looks innocently>

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RE: Limits - 4/6/2008 5:37:10 PM

pupofMoGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

Congratulations!! This is a huge step for both of you, and I wish you all of the best.

I have gone into EVERY relationship saying that I wasn't going to wear any obvious marks from them. The only exception I made was in a long term relationship we both agreed to tattoo the same shoulder with similar but different tattoos that have meaning only to us but look like cartoons to the world. Now that we are broken up, that's a good thing.

I would gladly wear My Lord's mark where ever on my body he chooses for it to go. We intend to design it together, and it will have meaning only for us. It was me who initially presented the idea, and he who was initially resistant, ironically enough. Now we are both excited, and looking forward to getting it done.

Again, my best of wishes to you both. Happy tattooing!!!

Thank you storm for adding your thoughts. I am so excited about wearing Mistress's mark. I feel that it will be the one part that will complete me

. We both have thought about how Her mark might look, and we have considered incorperating part of Her name into the design in a way in which a person would have to stare at it intensely in order to find it, but to those who know, it will be in plain sight. It is amazing, here i am the biggest titty baby in the world, as defined by Mistress, and i am looking forward to getting a tattoo. LoL something does not seem right, does it? What type of tattoo or design do you and your Dominant like storm? I know Mistress and i like the tribal band designs, which would fit great for the look that we have been discussing. Know any places online for designs? I'd love to hear if you do.

-pup

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RE: Limits - 4/10/2008 9:06:54 AM

Deliena

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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I try not to use the word 'never' because lines drawn in the sand are never permanent.

I love this phrase - it illustrates our desire to mark a limit but our acceptance that over time the tide will wash it away.

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RE: Limits - 4/10/2008 9:22:45 AM

EchoPet

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For me, my only real hard limits are things that are absolute no's, never's, and possibly relationship breakers. For example, never will any amount of time or trust get me to change my mind about beastiality, and in fact if I had a Master who seriously asked me to do such a thing, I would not only tell him "hell no" but I would leave him.

Most of my "limits" would be dislikes or special circumstance things. I don't like the idea of watersports for example, but if my (current) Master was really really into trying it, I'd probably let him do a little something because I love and trust him that much, and want to make him happy. Anal sex and oral sex on me are special circumstances for me in that, if I was just playing around with a play-partner or a non-serious fling/whatever, the answer would be no, but with my Master I happily give that as a gift to him. I feel that those sorts of special circumstance limits are more sacred and when I do give them up, it's a true sign of my love and submission for someone.

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RE: Limits - 4/10/2008 10:40:41 AM

DesFIP

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Of course there are also things that weren't hard limits in the beginning that are now. Body modifications were something I always felt uneasy about and didn't know why. I have since hard limited them after a visit to the Holocaust Museum. To me, the immediate visceral response is that they are things done to people against their will, as to my elderly relatives still with numbers on their arms. The idea makes me nauseous and he would have to do this to me by force without my consent. It would also be so upsetting, as a breaking of a moral value, that it would break us up. It isn't something I can see changing or consenting to.

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RE: Limits - 4/11/2008 4:26:15 AM

StormsSlave

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Pup--

At this time, we are looking for a brand that incorporates the use of his name. We have discussed using wiccan runes, which is iffy for me because of the spiritual implications. We also are looking at using Hebrew letters, which he is not as comfortable with, since it is primarily a religious leaning on my part. I think that would look cool, but it's not just about me. :)

We are exploring ideas, and trying to find a way to incorporate a "seal," such as the wax seals nobility use to use. His name is descriptive, both first and last, so we are looking at ways to play with that, but it's hard to make a tattoo of a storm...:) We also toyed with the idea of doing a sort of family crest, but fear it wouldn't translate well into a tattoo.

If I find anything useful, I will either post it here, or message you on the other side. In the meantime, I hope your search has been fun, as it is a topic that both of us are enjoying.

Good luck to you!!

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