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RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 4:57:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEvyl
As I said...I have my answer. I am just curious as to what other's think. this is a topic with varying opinions and I am curious to hear them if CM members whish to reply


Is it cold in siberia? If I drop an apple, will it fall downwards? Does it usualy get darker at night?

you already had your answer, it was self evident.... therefore getting an answer to the "question" isn't why you posted.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Exactly, and good morning sexy eyes.


Hi Sweetie, hope all is well with Scoot's household and that you are keeping that cute ass of yours out of trouble :)


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to LadyEvyl)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 7:01:26 AM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLily

He most definitly is. If his gf doesn't know about the relationship and the sex, I fail to see how it could not be cheating, or how he can seriously justify it.

I just find it soooo selfish when guys say that:"well I have these desires inside me and my gf can't understand and it makes me really unhappy... boohoooooooo". Well, if you're not enough of a pervert to assume it, then live with the consequences of your choice.

Men! Those guys just make Me angry...


Well, it's not only men! 
 
My Wife and I played (briefly) with a submissive woman more than a year ago.  she was very experienced, and We learned a great deal from her. 
 
At O/our first meeting with her, she explained that she was in a vanilla LTR with a man, but that he would never be able to understand her need for bondage, humiliation, pain, etc.  she said that she felt she had a right to sexual satisfaction, as well as a right to keep certain aspects of her life private.
 
Was she 'cheating' on her bf?  If there was an understanding and expectation of monogamy, then yes.  She was.
 
Was her decision to play with Us a threat to her vanilla relationship? 
 
IMO, as long as it remained a secret--no.  My wife and I met with her only for play.  It was clear from the outset that O/ours was never going to be an emotional relationship, or a 'friendship' of any significant sort.  We never met her s/o, and her secret was certainly safe with Us. 
 
As a married poly man in an open marriage, I understand more and more how ingrained monogamy is in our culture, and I how prevalent the concept of 'cheating' is.  But, relationships (sexual or otherwise) are much more complex (for women, as well as men!) than view that if O/one is seeing more than one person at a time, O/one is a dirty, rotten, cheater who no longer deserves to be loved by anyone.
 
Things simply aren't that simple.

(in reply to MissLily)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 7:04:28 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Depends on the guidelines of their relationship. If they have an open relationship and she knows then no, If he is sneaking around and doesn't want her to know then yes. If he feels he has hide then that tells me she doesn't know.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to LadyEvyl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 2:54:26 PM   
Goddess2002


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		As a married poly man in an open marriage, I understand more and more how ingrained monogamy is in our culture, and I how prevalent the concept of 'cheating' is.  But, relationships (sexual or otherwise) are much more complex (for women, as well as men!) than view that if O/one is seeing more than one person at a time, O/one is a dirty, rotten, cheater who no longer deserves to be loved by anyone.

But the issue OP presented was that the girlfriend was ignorant to the fact that he was pursuing OP's attention. Whatever people knowingly agree to in a relationship is one thing, but when someone does something behind his/her loved one's back they take away that person's freedom to decide if this behavior is acceptable to them. Therein lies the problem.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 3:13:28 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		derail the train here for a minute - HardtoTame - so you are staying with your girlfriend that you care about only until a dominant comes along? And this shows how much you care about her how? You need to tell her what you are looking for, and if she can't provide it , leave her.  she may have a chance at happiness with someone who isn't going to leave her after x years of her time and commitment.

Selfish man!

(in reply to LadyEvyl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 3:23:10 PM   
MsHonor


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

derail the train here for a minute - HardtoTame - so you are staying with your girlfriend that you care about only until a dominant comes along? And this shows how much you care about her how? You need to tell her what you are looking for, and if she can't provide it , leave her.  she may have a chance at happiness with someone who isn't going to leave her after x years of her time and commitment.

Selfish man!


Well said.  Unless she's fully and explicitly aware that he's just biding his time, then he's basically just stealing from her.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 6:51:25 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Mmmmm sounds like a rush to judgement here. We are only hearing one side of the story. Shame on you people.
Not a rush to judgement...simply not that deep of a question .....either cheating or not...simple choice..no matter the circumstances..no matter the wants,desires or intent....do you consider it cheating or not?...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 7:12:21 PM   
HardToTame


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Hard to tame. You hit the nail right on the head there. Because this thought came across my mind. Except he was not looking for a pro, he applied to be a slave to me without being able to devote himself to me. Why would I as a Domme waste my time with someone who cannot even devote themselves to me. Or maybe he is a cheapskate on top of it?

B ut yeah what he needs is a pro




Well seeming as he is wasting your time, why not charge him for it?  If YOU find satisfaction, sexual or otherwise in being a Dominatrix, and he requires a service and has come to you, why not charge him for it, make some extra $$$ and have some fun at the same time? Under the previsio of course that, he tells his girlfriend? 

As I said, I understand his view, but I don't agree with it.  If she isn't fulfilling him he should leave the relationship and find someone who can.

(in reply to LadyEvyl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/2/2008 7:25:46 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		HardtoTame, you might want to look in the mirror.  You say you are in a relationship, but if the right domme came along (what a prize you are) that you would leave her. You are wasting your gf's time!  Then to tell a domme to go professional... dude... you are way off.

How about this... you bring your gf here and let's see if we can find her a real man who won't waste her time, use her and give her false dreams and promises that slip away when the domme of his fantasy shows up?

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 7:43:08 AM   
LadyEvyl


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/10/2007
From: Montreal
Status: offline 		Hartotame....

Looks like everyone is putting you on the hot plate. Now your profile says you are not looking...but the curiosity is there otherwise you would not be on CM. Come on...I am giving you a chance to redeem yourself...say something to get yourself out of the dog house where many a Dom/mes have placed you?

You should read about Loving Female Authority....you should serve your girlfriend through house chores, massages, any little thing to charm her Domme side IN HER DUE TIME.

But we are talking about two different issues here...I was talking about a guy ready to cheat behind his unknowing girfriend....hardtotame is on the mind path but not acted yet (not that it makes it so much better)



_____________________________

Lady Evyl

http://ladyevyl.blogspot.com
http://ladyevyl.googlepages.com

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 11:39:17 AM   
fatass


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HardToTame

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEvyl

Ok, got a question. I got my answer but I want to know yours:
Applicant sub with a penchant for queening and nudity...with an ignorant girlfriend about his sub desires seeking a Mistress...do you think he is cheating on the gf or not?


I can understand this mans perspective more than I care to admit.  I have a girlfriend who I wish would let be all I can be for her, yet, she ends up being whipped by me (Metaphorically speaking).  Thing is, I care about her enough to put my desires of wanting to submit aside.  As much as I want it, I want her to be happy more and so in a way, it's a bit like, orgasm denial. But instead of being denied an orgasm, I deny myself from seeing a Dominatrix so as to remain faithful to her.  How ever, should a dominatrix cross my path who understood me more than she did (because whilst she doesn't understand the whole, submissive side of me, she understands me better than anyone I've ever met in other aspects of my life) then I'd leave her, and submit whole heartedly to the mistress.  If I was single, I'd be looking for a mistress.

So I understand how this man feels, but, he should be stronger and have either one or the other I think.  I think deep down, all subs or alot atleast would want their wives and girlfriends to be a Dominatrix. How ever, when you find someone you love, you make sacrifices for them.  To an extent thats what being a submissive is all about.  It might be that sacrificing the right to a mistress, is the ultimate sacrifice for a sub, and if you can find someone whose worth that sacrifice, maybe you've found your souls-Mistress?  I don't know, I'm new to this.



So essentially what you're saying is that you're waiting around for someone better and then you're going to dump this poor girl? I don't know why people stay in relationships that aren't what they want. Oh wait, yes I do. It's just easier.

I feel bad for your girlfriend.

(in reply to HardToTame)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 12:56:21 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Going to a pro Domme without sex is still cheating on the relationship to me. Pretending to be someone your not is really dumb as well.
Being in a relationship that isn't totally satisfying is a difficult one.
I'm beginning to think that we should look at all relationships for as long as they last or until we have brought up the children not until death us do part.
I'm not sure how it would affect our need for security though.
Some questions just don't have easy answers.

(in reply to fatass)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 2:37:41 PM   
Floggings4You


Posts: 240
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

As a married poly man in an open marriage, I understand more and more how ingrained monogamy is in our culture, and I how prevalent the concept of 'cheating' is.  But, relationships (sexual or otherwise) are much more complex (for women, as well as men!) than view that if O/one is seeing more than one person at a time, O/one is a dirty, rotten, cheater who no longer deserves to be loved by anyone.

But the issue OP presented was that the girlfriend was ignorant to the fact that he was pursuing OP's attention. Whatever people knowingly agree to in a relationship is one thing, but when someone does something behind his/her loved one's back they take away that person's freedom to decide if this behavior is acceptable to them. Therein lies the problem.


I understand all this.  The submissive lady My wife and I saw for a while over a year ago had a boyfriend who was ignorant of the fact that she was involved with Us.  she was pursuing additional sexual gratification behind her bf's back.
 
And it is a problem.  But, its a problem that's very easy to have, and probably far more common than many are willing to admit. 
 
Its very, very easy to say 'all cheating is bad', that 'all cheaters are bad people who should be left well enough alone by everyO/one.'  (And that seems to be the almost unanimous attitude at CM.)
 
I agree with you that "...when someone does something behind his/her loved one's back they take away that person's freedom to decide if this behavior is acceptable to them...", but I don't think the answer is simply to label such folks with a scarlet "C" and abandon them. 

(in reply to Goddess2002)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 3:57:25 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		I agree completely with all who state that he is cheating...that is a no brainer.
I understand, lateralist, why you would state what you have about relationships lasting what they do...knowing when to throw in the towel may be a good thing.  I find in this day and age, whether in teh lifestyle or not, people are far too willing to give up and seek another, before they explore all options available to possibly help the relationship.  A bond in which two people learn to work at communication and settle their differences can be far stronger in the end.

Interesting topic to bring up, LadyE.  There are so many liars and cheats on this site.  What do we do with/about them??

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 4:01:32 PM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		That sure sounds like cheating to me.. 

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to LadyEvyl)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is he cheating? - 4/3/2008 4:13:44 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Yes submyt trying is important but the problem is that sometimes we just have to admit we got it wrong.
I tried for 16 years with my ex.
Yes I cheated, basically I was driven for all kinds of reasons.
Very soon after our foster child left I realised there was no point in trying any longer. I think he gave up a long time before that but I'm not sure. We just couldn't be honest with one another.

(in reply to submyt)
Profile   Post #: 36
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