chickpea
Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline
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i think we can all relate to what you're going through. I think women are more pressured to attach and men aren't. But in reality, I think women should be the least worried about attaching and leave it up to the guys to initiate stuff if they want to attach. Call it old fashioned, but for some unexplained just the way it always works. I kind of found myself in that situation, but was pressured to move fast. No big deal, but I think we can start to get into trouble if we start compromising ourselves and who we are for men. While some of us women are raised to do everything for our man, that shouldn't be the case while you're still in the stages of figuring out if he's the right guy for you. Just be you, and let him do the work, and then if it all works out then you can start doing stuff for him. In this day and age women should be proud to be independent and not always afraid of being alone or be pressured into establishing relationships and families. If you're not happy independent, maybe you need to work on yourself more and then use a relationship to be an "addition" to who you are, not have a relationship be something that is who you are. I think some of us women have to learn that cuz of all the movies, images, stereotypes, and stuff out there that glamorize over-dependency.
Independence does not necessarily mean ending up being alone, but just a time and place to sort stuff out for yourself so when the time and person is right, you'll be ready to establish a very strong, loving, and healthy relationship. So I guess you can use the time to sort stuff out for yourself and find out what makes you tick, rather than think of something that you can't control like a lost love or past mistakes. We all make them. But I guess we need to take advantage of what we do have despite everything, such as time and space, and do the inner-work to help us get to where we want to in the outter world. I don't know, you have more experience on me, so I feel kinda weird giving you "advice". Just have a lot of thoughts as I've been going through lots of crud as of recent (but not too recent lol). I just think life can be happy at any age just have to appreciate what we have and work with it.  and roll with the punches. Let yourself feel the pain, the loss, the punches and roll with it. Life is a series of peaks and valleys, just gotta brace yourself for the ride and let life take its course. I mean, eventually it gets to the point that we'd have noble goals, thoughts, and ideas, but in the end we're all human and it all comes down to what we have control over, where we envision ourselves to be, and what we do with what we have, and our attitude. Well, thanks for bringing this up and wish you all the best.
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moving along too quickly - 
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Also, I agree with tinkerbelle. To be right with someone else, you have to be right with yourself. Good luck, honey. I hope things get better for you.
RE: moving along too quickly - 
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