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New to BDSM and Collarme - 3/27/2008 1:15:11 AM

subkay2neil

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Hi,

i'm new to all of this, i met my Dom on another site and was instantly dranw to Him.
i didn't think i wanted this when we started talking but knew it was right from the word go i love being slut and wish to continue my journey with him..... thing is im struggling to keep my personal feelings in place. i know it takes a lot of trust etc ot be in this position but should i have fallen so deeply in such a short time?

i want to learn more about this and dont want my journey to be cut short because how i feel personally.
can anyone advise me if this is normal to feel so intense for my Dom?

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RE: New to BDSM and Collarme - 3/27/2008 1:34:51 AM

Gemini1766

Posts: 991
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

Welcome Subkay, great place to learn, here.

What you think you know online, is not what is necessarily real. If you meet, make it a public place in neuteral territory. No home ground advantage to him, not at first. It can take a long time to see through the facade if someone is a fraud online, but you cannot keep up a intricate lie, it falls apart eventually. Falling fast isn't the issue, lack of forethought and caution are.

That said, I wish you the best.

_____________________________

"Strangers do not owe strangers anything, beyond an obeisance to the laws mutual conduct as dictated by the land in which they live. Anything else is negotiable." puella

"TwistedKinkerBell's online male companion of a nearly intimate nature."

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RE: New to BDSM and Collarme - 3/27/2008 1:47:59 AM

subkay2neil

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

hello Gemini1766,

thank you for the response.
i have met up with my Dom twice in neuteral grounds and i have to say i knew i was doing the right thing.
i'm not sure how fast things are meant to go and i've only known him for about a month.... i don't have a problem with being His slut/sub/slave etc i have a problem with my personal feelings for him.

like i said i dont know if its common for subs to feel so much for their Dom's.... i just want some light shed on this

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RE: New to BDSM and Collarme - 3/28/2008 7:25:16 AM

travelgman

Posts: 187
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline

Hello subkay.

The Simple Answer- No I do not think it is unusual for a sub in your position to have intense feelings for her Dom..

The Complex Answer-

It sounds like you need to define what kind of relationship you are looking for in the long run and to also know what kind of relationship your Dom wants as well.. If you are wanting someone to Dom you but not be a part of your day to day life - as many do- then developing strong feelings or even falling in love and that seems to be what you are saying without actually saying the word, could cause issues.

A Dom/sub relationship is an intense connection . And while some people are able to separate their personal feelings and some do not even want any kind of feelings that could be described as loving in their dynamic. My own personal opinion is they are the minority as most Dom/sub couples that I have seen have at least some personal feelings for each other and some will not even engage in this type of relationship with someone they do not have feelings for.

As you have said yourself. The general advice is to go slow and develop trust in each other. Espeacilly with you being new to being a sub. This man has just opened up a whole new world to you and took you to places you didn't eve realize you wanted to go. I would say developing some feelings for him is quite natural and hardly surprising. Your in a wonderous time. Not just the beginning of a new relationship which is always fun but the begining of a whole new life full of possibilites you never thought of before. I would say your not the first sub to fall hard and fast for her first Dom. The question is where is this relationship going. And the frustrating part is you may not be able to even answer this question yet.

Is it to much to fast? One could say yes just as a logical safe answer. But really in the end. Your the one who has to answer that question. Just like you would in any relationship you have ever had. Do you care for the man as well as the Dom? Meaning- if he wasn't your Dom. Would you still care for him so much? Do you want to be around him when he isn't using you as his slut? If you can't answer yes to this question at this time. Then it would be in your better interest to get a grip on your personal feelings for him untill such time as you can.

Do you know how he would feel if he thought you were falling for him beyond being his sub/slut. If he is not willing to enter into any kind of personal relationship beyond the Dom/sub dynamic then your personal feelings may be setting you up for a fall if he does not or is not willing to return them or even deal with them.

See here is the real issue. After you take away the titles of Dom/sub. Your two people. Just like in any other reltationship. You might fall hard for him and find he doesnt return your feelings and end up just being friends while you move onto another Dom. Or it might happen that he will remain your one and only Dom for who knows how long?

Is it to much to fast? Even after what I just said this is a tricky question in a D's relationship. Again the logical answer is take things slow and be safe. Yet I am sure you have read posts or talked to other girls who will tell you they submitted completly from the word go to their Dom's and never looked back. With the strong feelings your describing and the way you have asked this question. I woud say. You are feeling this emotion yourself to at least some degree. That desire to just let go of the safety net and completly be his. Should you do it. No one here on this board. Can truly answer that question for you. We do not know either of you or even much about you at this point. Most people will urge you not to and advise you to use caution.

All the posibilites are there. Life is risk. Personally I would say. As long as you trust him not to abuse you ( in any kind of a bad way-not as the term tends to be used around here) and as long as you continue to use caution and the basic safety rules. And go into this relationship understanding that it may or may not last then enjoy the ride and everything it brings you. You will never have another First Dom.

< Message edited by travelgman -- 3/28/2008 7:35:52 AM >

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