RE: Experienced insight needed (Full Version)

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darchChylde -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/27/2008 2:41:21 PM)

Look in front of you: Computer with Internet.

Look around you: Real World.

Please recognise that these are two entirely different places and that what works in one may not necessarily do so in another.



bittermoonlight -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/27/2008 10:05:51 PM)

I have noticed the HS mentality! Yuck. Luckily I was never a crowd follower, period.

The real world has less of this sort of interesting conversation unfortunately.

So how did you (a general you - for whomever wants to reply) get to that point where you felt truly at ease with yourself and others, in terms of your Domme-ness? Or, in the case of the subs reading, how have you seen it manifest in others?



LadyPact -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/28/2008 5:35:21 AM)

Some of the best advice I've gotten.

If you break your toys, you can't play with them anymore.  (That includes the human ones.)

No matter how good you get, there will always be someone out there better than you.  Learn from them.

Just because you're a Domme, don't think there's nothing you can learn from a sub.

If you get a new toy, practice is for pillows, not for people.

Know from the beginning, that in the end, you'll never know everything.



As to when I became at ease, it was something that grew over time.  In this last couple of years, it's been more evident, if that makes any sense.  I can promise you that it certainly didn't start that way.  There were a lot of stages.  Today, I'm pretty comfortable in My Dominant skin.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/28/2008 5:38:50 AM)

Another thing I was recently reminded of.
Dont get into what everyone else likes becasue its popular and convince yourself you wil learn to like it.
Do what works for you and the partner you are with, regardless of what anyone helpful might "suggest". In the end , it is only you and that partner who have to enjoy YOUR relationship, all the outsiders dont get a say.
And if someone doesnt like how you do things, invite them to run their homes or relationships differently. You dont have to change for them, and you wont ask them to change for you.

DV



MaamJay -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/28/2008 8:17:26 AM)

Applauds LadyPact ... spot on!

All I'd add is: If you think you can only be Dominant when you're wearing a corset and all the gear ... then you've not got it yet. A Dominant inspires submission in their submissive no matter what they're wearing! Though the gear is fun too! It's about WHO you are, not what you wear or even what you say and do.

Submissives aren't weak ... they are incredibly strong and courageous ... it takes more guts to put yourself into the control of another than it does to take that control. If you don't believe that, try it sometime! However, it also takes a lot more than stubbornness and petulance to be a Dominant ... it takes mental gymnastics (all that thinking on your feet and decision-making on the spot), patience and a lot of planning! Don't ever play down the enormous responsibility of having the life of another in your hands, however temporarily that may be.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



LaTigresse -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/28/2008 8:35:34 AM)

For myself, I had to take a big step back and learn to be a person that was worthy of someone's submission. I saw the potential for destruction, what I was capable of and the responsibility I felt.

I wanted to be certain that I had the self awareness to back up my talk and intentions. I spent alot of time communicating with slaves and submissives, really listening to them. Asking them alot of questions. Asking for honest opinions.

Being a late bloomer there is still alot I have not done, been able to practice, etc. BUT, now I trust myself to explore more things in a responsible manner. I trust that I have a much better insight of the woman I am. I know my strengths and more importantly, my weaknesses.

I think the most import lesson I had to learn. To be true to ME. While I will always do my best to maintain an open mind, I am not ever going to pretend to be something that isn't honest, to being me. There are some things, some limits, that I have, that are not always popular or may get scoffed at by others. I refuse to pretend to change my own personal moral compass to reflect the mass consensus.

In the beginning it was easy to get caught up in a rush of excitement and push my own limits based upon a sub/slaves interests. Then I would realized that I was becoming, in a sense, their submissive by changing myself to cater to their wants. Now, I have no problem sending them on their way if our interests, and goals, are too far apart. Regardless of how yummy looking they are.



bittermoonlight -> RE: Experienced insight needed (3/28/2008 9:55:38 AM)

Thank you all so much! It's great advice. I'm actually really glad I stumbled on this part of the boards, the conversations are usually a lot more informative here - and fun as well.

I like to think that the learning never stops, that there's always something new and lovely to experience or discover. Also, having had a lot of friends through vanilla means who wound up being submissive, I don't know that I'm ever in danger of seeing them as 'lesser' beings!



Reigna -> RE: Experienced insight needed (4/1/2008 6:24:48 PM)

Have fun!



LadyPact -> RE: Experienced insight needed (4/1/2008 6:49:41 PM)

Thank you, Ma'am Jay.  There are times I think we were separated by the stars and thrown to different parts of the planet.

You're spot on as well.  Dominant isn't a clothing type, or a texture, or a color.  A Dominant is the same whether adorned with black leather or pink silk.  (Shush dc.)  I'm the same here in a pink shirt and tennis shoes as I am in corset and boots.  Though, I will admit, I love the gear as well.

There is a wonder in a strong submissive.  Oh, I'm not looking to stir up the 'submission is a gift' debate.  Make no mistake about that.  Still, what is the adventure in overpowering the weak?  It takes nothing to command those who give it too freely.  Where's the beauty in that?  What would it say of the Dominant, who can only prey of those who do not recognize their own potential?



MamaDomme1 -> RE: Experienced insight needed (4/1/2008 7:28:32 PM)

I feel one of the most important things to learn and remember is *Respect*.  You really should respect the submissive that is handing over their trust in you.  Respect them as much or more, than you want them to respect you. 

Respect is always to be earned, and never given lightly.

You don't have to be loud and obnoxious, nor bitchy in order to be a Domme.  You can garner much from a quiet, calm and steady demeanor.

I respect those that choose to submit to me.  I respect them as human beings, as free-thinkers, and as humble angels that deserve respect.  Without those submissives handing control to me, I cannot be the Domme that I am.

I don't betray a confidence.  What I and my play partners do is none of anyone's business unless others were there to see and share.  If secrets are told to me, I keep them safe and sound.

Don't break boundries and limits of others.  If you feel comfortable in the situation, you can slowly push those boundries, but don't break them, you may damage your toy and that could be bad.

When cleaning up the play area and toys/equipment......... NEVER spray the cleaner in your eyes!  Ruins the makeup and could blind you.  (Ask me how I know this.)



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