RE: Response Honesty (Full Version)

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GreedyTop -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 10:45:31 AM)

I got the feeling that the OP was more asking about how to better state it, since (I think) he realized after the fact that perhaps his response was a bit harsh.



CalifChick -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 10:46:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

You have already told her once that she is too heavy for you. Why repeat it again here except to show you get offers and you can reject women who are too heavy.


No he didn't say she was too heavy, you assumed that. He said she was outside his height/weight ratio.  She could have been too skinny.

Cali



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 10:53:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

You have already told her once that she is too heavy for you. Why repeat it again here except to show you get offers and you can reject women who are too heavy.


No he didn't say she was too heavy, you assumed that. He said she was outside his height/weight ratio.  She could have been too skinny.

Cali



I wouldn't take odds on that possibility in a bet. It is off the point anyway. Why comment here about the physical characteristics of anyone who has contacted you if you are concerned you hurt her feelings?



GreedyTop -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 10:58:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

You have already told her once that she is too heavy for you. Why repeat it again here except to show you get offers and you can reject women who are too heavy.


No he didn't say she was too heavy, you assumed that. He said she was outside his height/weight ratio.  She could have been too skinny.

Cali



I wouldn't take odds on that possibility in a bet. It is off the point anyway. Why comment here about the physical characteristics of anyone who has contacted you if you are concerned you hurt her feelings?


see my post above...



domiguy -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:00:43 AM)

Of course she was a tad bit too tubby for our op switcharoooo....

When rejecting a sub it is important to list out every potential flaw that has led to her dismissal....The grey of her teeth, her thinning hair, the amount of flesh that swings from under her arms...those six dents in her right buttock. The size of her tummy and twat.

Honesty is always the best policy.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:02:13 AM)

Greedy, so she is on CM and probably reads these boards, so he once again brings up her physical detrimental thing  like she is not going to read it here? Look, everyone tells social lies. We learn that pretty early in life. Who is debating that? He knows it.



kittinSol -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:06:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Look, everyone tells social lies.



It's so much fun not to, though [:D] . The look on their faces... priceless [8|] .



GreedyTop -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:07:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Greedy, so she is on CM and probably reads these boards, so he once again brings up her physical detrimental thing  like she is not going to read it here? Look, everyone tells social lies. We learn that pretty early in life. Who is debating that? He knows it.


not everyone comes to the forums. I have been in contact with several people (still am, for that matter) that have never come to this side.
And even if she does, assuming that she even LOOKS at this thread, she''d see that he realizes his error.

just sayin'



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:17:02 AM)

Could be the case. I wouldn't have taken the chance though. Anyway...my two cents.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:36:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I find the whole matter of discussing why you reject someone on here who has actually contacted you kind of tacky. Should we post here why we reject every offer we get? She is going to read this board more than likely.

If you feel you owe her an apology, then email her. You have already told her once that she is too heavy for you. Why repeat it again here except to show you get offers and you can reject women who are too heavy. I don’t get the reason for the post if you are concerned that you hurt the woman.


Interesting point, Steel.  I hadn't thought about it from that angle but it IS entirely possible that the OP has turned around and hurt the person again while at the same time holding himself up as someone who gets contacted by submissive women...something that many dominants on here have noted that doesn't happen too often for them and something that many submissive women on here have noted that they don't do...make the initial contact.  Almost like the OP saying here "Look how marvelous I am...submissive women contact ME"....



domiguy -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:44:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I find the whole matter of discussing why you reject someone on here who has actually contacted you kind of tacky. Should we post here why we reject every offer we get? She is going to read this board more than likely.

If you feel you owe her an apology, then email her. You have already told her once that she is too heavy for you. Why repeat it again here except to show you get offers and you can reject women who are too heavy. I don’t get the reason for the post if you are concerned that you hurt the woman.


Interesting point, Steel.  I hadn't thought about it from that angle but it IS entirely possible that the OP has turned around and hurt the person again while at the same time holding himself up as someone who gets contacted by submissive women...something that many dominants on here have noted that doesn't happen too often for them and something that many submissive women on here have noted that they don't do...make the initial contact.  Almost like the OP saying here "Look how marvelous I am...submissive women contact ME"....



You guys are soooooosmart!!!! 100% correct. Did you read the guys profile? First off, not written very well, no pic....No one would send this guy shit. He doesn't participate on the forums....We all know that the forums do allow people to obtain a little more insight into an individual than a generic profile. So you might receive some mail....( you subs can stop with all the mail....I just ain't got the time....Please respect my wishes...PLEEEEEZ!)

Anywhoooo...It's all a bullshit thread.



softness -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 11:52:00 AM)

Fast Reply

Hoensty is the best policy. How brutal that honesty is however is something that changes from context to context.

If I messages someone and the fact that I am carrying say 50 extra pounds was such an issue for them they thought of even giving it a go was impossible, then I would want them to be honest about that. I would not however welcome a reply along the lines of "You disgusting obese heffer, you are fat and repulsive, get your lard arse away from me."

Whe someone I know I cannot be compatible with messages me. I use the standard "Thankyou for your kind words and good luck in your search" message available. If they reply to that and continue to persue a conversation I say .. "There are some grounds one which I find it impossible to continue with our conversation. If you would like me to explain what they are, I can do that, but please do not berate me for them if you disagree" .. and then if they still want to know I do my best to explainn in a polite and condsiderate manner why I feel there is no point persuing things.

Sometimes being polite and considerate means I get some abuse back, in which case then I bin polite and considerate ... and move straight to verbal evisceration.



Frenzy -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 12:58:58 PM)

I'd use "Thanks but no thanks, fatty"

...but chance would be a fine thing!!!  :(

]:>



Maya2001 -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 4:47:59 PM)

One can be honest with out being hurtful especially when it comes to a persons physical appearance or age

you could always specify in your own profile  what you seek so as to reduce your chances of getting contacted by those you find unsuitable if it is that important an issue to you .... though I do get a chuckle when those that are pretty precise on what they are looking for in terms of height and weight contact me... heck in some cases I am 40 lbs   and 20  something years beyond  than their stated upper range  limit or they state the want a different ethnicity which will have me not taking their interest in me that seriously.. as I have no desire to be a temporary fill in till they find someone  theat fits their range... I do admit though  my weight of 157 lb  on another 5' 7 1/2" frame  is not going to look anywhere near the same so I know better than to rely on weight to height ratios and I know of girls around the same height as me that are even quite a bit heavier that look good and definitely not obese looking,  bone structure,  muscle condition and weight distribution plays a huge role on appearance so I avoid preassumed judgements until I have a visual when it comes to weight. height ratios.  



Lumus -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 5:08:26 PM)

I'll take a slightly different stab at this, because frankly, there are no physical attributes or age ranges that would categorically invalidate the one thing I have actively sought in the past - a person's ability to do as I wish and keep up with me mentally.  It is possible a younger person won't keep up with me or appreciate my views; it is possible a person might not have physical requisites I would want [though few people who have lost both hands lurk on online forums...].  Whether these people exist is actually irrelevant given that I have my girl, unless they are [for whatever reason] curious about the last comments of my profile...

To the point of honesty - if someone seriously approached me [and no one has] I would have no qualms about being blunt with them.  I do that so they know exactly what they are getting into.  If we have differences that make things impossible, yes, I'd mention them; you can be blunt without being an asshole.  An example:

"Yes, I understand that you seek a Gorean owner.  I'm not Gorean.  I do not want a Gorean girl."  I don't see that as slamming the person's preferences; I see it as stating my own.




windchymes -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 5:15:21 PM)

Of course, you could always be upfront on your profile and state something along the lines of "No fat chicks" at the outset.  Or include a paragraph that states upfront how important physical appearance is to you.



UncleNasty -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 5:51:51 PM)

I'm not a Christian. Raised that way but gave it up for Star Trek as it competed for the same timeslot on Sunday mornings. I call myself a recovering Baptist now, LOL.

Still, I acknowledge the Bible does have some wisdom. There is a passage somewhere in John, I forget chapter and verse, that says "Speak the truth in love." I interpret that to mean be honest but in doing so make sure your intentions are for the betterment of the recipient.

Uncle Nasty



catize -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 7:21:00 PM)

[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image]
This may come as a surprise to some folks, but we who are …….not pretty or not thin or too tall/short or past the ‘young thing’ stage…….are very aware of what we are as well as what we are not.  What we are looking for is not someone who will lie to us, but rather look at who we are and what we have to offer.  I have received a few responses that were blunt and they did not hurt my feelings.  It was at least a very clear indication that we were not compatible. 



Leatherist -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 7:22:44 PM)

I've been turned down because I shave my head.

Surprisingly-my world did not end! [;)]



Urdok -> RE: Response Honesty (3/17/2008 7:29:13 PM)

Personally, I'd prefer honesty to no response if I take the time to write out a decent personal message. I try to keep to that in my responses as well, though I'm likely to say "you're not my type," rather than "you're fat/old/a cave troll." 



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