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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 12:41:13 PM

subtee

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Absolutely and that's why stereotypes suck...because they're generalizations that don't include the individual.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 12:41:44 PM

SubbieOnWheels

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~fr~

My problem comes with labelling. There are so many labels being thrown about concerning the whole BDSM thing. "Are you a sub or a slave?" "Well, you're not a sub because of blahbity-blah". "He's not a true Dom." "He's a real Master."

There is no "true" BDSM type (that's my opinion, and you can argue all you want without changing it). Some people are madly Gorean (sorry, I mean intensely), and some are just a wee bit kinky in their sex life, and there is everything in between. I get rather tired of being condescended to because I will not "submit" in the manner someone thinks is "proper."

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:10:34 PM

Leatherist

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And yet,we insist on perpetuating them-why?

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:14:21 PM

JasonF

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This is an interesting thread... I think that stereotypes are interesting.

People have this idea of what a Dominant is, and I'll be the first to admit I don't always fit into that, but it's all about timing and knowing when to play the game and when not to.

I can't go from being goofy to smacking my girl around -- there is a certain amount of fantasy involved -- I have to show myself to be fully in control of myself and structured in what I do for it to work for us. Is that exaggerated? Probably so, because the truth is, sometimes I'm not structured, but it's about having a grip on things at all times.

Someone told me once that it's not always about the answer you give (and if it's correct), but how definatively you speak when you give it. I think that's part of the exaggeration. A submissive can never truly give up 100% of herself, just like a Dominant can never be in 100% control of someone, including himself. However, for a lot of people it's the /appearance/ of total control that does it for them.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:21:05 PM

mnottertail

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I can't go from being goofy to smacking my girl around

LOL, I can. That sort of shit gets them hot, keeps them on the edge.

Someone asked out here once, what would you do if your slave came up with a real zinger?

I said more or less I would laugh my fucking head off, kiss them, tell them good girl and then proceed kick the fucking dogshit outta them for backtalking.

It's all good. It's all good.

Ron

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:22:17 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JasonF

This is an interesting thread... I think that stereotypes are interesting.

People have this idea of what a Dominant is, and I'll be the first to admit I don't always fit into that, but it's all about timing and knowing when to play the game and when not to.

I can't go from being goofy to smacking my girl around -- there is a certain amount of fantasy involved -- I have to show myself to be fully in control of myself and structured in what I do for it to work for us. Is that exaggerated? Probably so, because the truth is, sometimes I'm not structured, but it's about having a grip on things at all times.

Someone told me once that it's not always about the answer you give (and if it's correct), but how definatively you speak when you give it. I think that's part of the exaggeration. A submissive can never truly give up 100% of herself, just like a Dominant can never be in 100% control of someone, including himself. However, for a lot of people it's the /appearance/ of total control that does it for them.

Domination doesn't feel real to me, if I have to conform to ANY stereotype when I do it. I don;t kow tow to what "people" expect. If I want to be goofy during a scene, I'll be goofy.

And whether it seems so or not-I'm always in control. My intent in action is the key.

And beleive me,as Sadist, NOTHING will fuck with a mind worse than the unexpected..staid predictability is boring.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 3/14/2008 3:23:11 PM >

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:24:10 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I can't go from being goofy to smacking my girl around

LOL, I can. That sort of shit gets them hot, keeps them on the edge.

Someone asked out here once, what would you do if your slave came up with a real zinger?

I said more or less I would laugh my fucking head off, kiss them, tell them good girl and then proceed kick the fucking dogshit outta them for backtalking.

It's all good. It's all good.

Ron

Posted just a bit ahead....TMTA

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:34:08 PM

LaTigresse

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Ron you always make me smile! 0 to 90 then back to 0.......keeps their head a spinning.

When I first started investigating all of this I had all the preconceived notions. Then a few people said "LeeAnn you would make a kick ass dominant!" To which I repled "what the fuck is a dominant?" Then told me, and I again replied "What the fuck have you been smoking?!?!"

While I think leather is pretty cool and I always owned my fair share of it..........just because yanno. I sure cannot imagine wearing it every day. August gets pretty hot in Iowa........and cold in January.

I also like to laugh and be goofy (bet no one here ever caught on to that). I also enjoy using the few manners my grandmother and Mrs Stewart, instilled in me. I like to relax and be lazy some days. I don't want to micro manage myself let alone someone else.

BUT, I do have a serious need to be the boss and I've discovered that lots of kinky fun can be had. I also know that I love tormenting girls but cannot imagine being on the receiving end. The very thought gives me shudders, maybe even hives or something.

Soooooooo, what I realized is that whatever preconceived idea I had, or whatever anyone else tried to toss at me, telling me what I needed to be..........just doesn't matter. What matters is me being true to me. Doing what feels right for me.

If all of that means I never get my super cool, gold star, dominant card, so be it. I can live with that. There are a few young ladies in this world that seem to think my way is pretty cool, so I must be doing something right.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/14/2008 3:41:38 PM >

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:36:44 PM

kittinSol

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

im 21 and a relative noob, do i fit it? do i? i wanna know

You fit into the fresh meat category

.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:39:01 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

im 21 and a relative noob, do i fit it? do i? i wanna know

You fit into the fresh meat category .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VopMYFcZGs

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:41:03 PM

kittinSol

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Now that you've mentioned, colouredin does have a certain something that makes her look like Snow White. Virginal innocence, no doubt

.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 3:43:12 PM

colouredin

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lol yup yup yup virginal innocence thats me :P

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:06:49 PM

junecleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JasonF

I can't go from being goofy to smacking my girl around

I think he's talking about when we are playing with stereotypes because he does that ALL the time when we aren't. And I guess it sort of is a mindfuck in a really annoying way. lol

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:15:32 PM

MzMia

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I resist the stupid stereotypes, kicking and screaming!

My life is real and not a game, nor does it revolve around
me playing dress up in fetish wear.

Anyone that is interested in me, knows quickly
I don't parade around in high heeled boots dressed in tight leather,
slinging a bullwhip in one hand and handcuffs in the other.
OMG, stereotypes make me laugh.

Time to go fetch my latex bodysuit and 8 inch heels so I can sit here and type.
Don't get me started!
On the other hand, IF you like wearing fetish wear, or the "stereotype"
look? , enjoy it and go for it.
As usual, to each their own.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 3/14/2008 4:25:00 PM >

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:15:52 PM

domiguy

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Ya think? Talk about being "affected"....All you have to do is look at Lynnxz''s and JasonF's avatar to see how deep this shit goes. There are many others....There is nothing as admirable as doing a BDSM "vogue" for your avatar.

I'm a dead black rapper...You dumb-ass ho's.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:24:58 PM

junecleaver

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Lies! You're still alive.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:25:24 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I rebuke all the stupid stereotypes!
My life is real and not a game, nor does it revolve around
me playing dress up in fetish wear.

Anyone that is interested in me, knows quickly
I don't parade around in high heeled boots dressed in tight leather,
slinging a bullwhip in one hand and handcuffs in the other.
OMG, stereotypes make me laugh.

Time to go fetch my latex bodysuit and 8 inch heels so I can sit here and type.
Don't get me started!

Can you swim? Do you say birthday or birffday? have you had a kid out of wedlock? Completed your education? Eat catfish and greens? Do you really enjoy trying new foods? Do you ever think that someone who speaks "propah" English is talkin' white?

I love stereotypes....Not because they are wrong, but that they are actually based upon awful truths.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:26:28 PM

Real_Trouble

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Of course there are stereotypes here; humans in any culture / subculture / group / subgroup use them. They are an excellent cognitive shortcut if you desire to be right only some of the time and are intellectually lazy.

Reality dictates, regardless of how we feel about it, that genuinely evaluating each person as an individual takes a lot of effort. More to the point, sometimes it is effort that can, in some cases, be better fit with a stereotype. For instance, I hold the stereotype that most MIT, Oxford, and Harvard graduates are probably relatively intelligent; this has served me well so far.

However, the problem arises when the stereotype either becomes a basis for behavior when it is not very close to perfectly accurate, or when people refuse to change them in the fact of contradictory evidence. More so, it becomes very difficult for them to deal with people who do not conform to the stereotypes they hold in their head, and this produces a significant amount of cognitive dissonance and wacky behavior as a result.

My view is that you observe them, understand them, try to realize how a social situation is conformed, and then use that knowledge to exploit the weak points to your benefit. At no point do I worry about either conforming or non-conforming myself; I am who I am, and while I certainly question and constantly work to better myself, I'm not about to change just for the sake of conforming to a stereotype or making someone else happy.

But in short, yes, of course there are overdone stereotypes here. Humans are involved! Just learn how to use that to your advantage, because it's not about to change.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:27:19 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

Lies! You're still alive.

Get yo big eyed submittin' azz outta here.....'fore I bust sumtin' in yo ass.

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RE: Exagerated stereotypes? - 3/14/2008 4:35:14 PM

daddyncherry

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When i first came into the lifestyle and thought there was a definitive way for a sub/slave to act and be i was all confused....i thought everything had to be all uber serious and that i couldn't really laugh or smile or have fun...then i found out how wrong i was.

The first time i laughed hysterically from being punished, because that is what that particular pain that day triggered in me i felt like a failure and was sooo scared of making my Master/Daddy look bad when he beat me in public.

When my Daddy didn't punish me for little infractions or give me laundry lists of things i had to do each day OR ELSE! i thought he wasn't really a Master and that he wanted some kind of kinky chick but not a slave.

When a gf of mine mentioned how my Daddy's method of teaching me lessons isn't what she would think of as a nurturing caring Daddy Dom i reminded her that there are all different types of "parenting" styles and my Daddy just so happens to be the type that would be hanging with all the other Daddy Doms by the pool trying to teach their little slave girls how to swim and my Daddy would be the one who threw me into the deep end and expected me to swim on my own.

my Daddy is also one of those who will be goofy as he is beating the living shit outta me w/ a metal spatula while i am trying to count coffee and say "Wow this is fun.......for me"

Buying into the sterotypes is also one of the things i mentioned on another thread about "natural dominace" that sometimes seems like a costume being worn by some players.

Stereotypes can cause all sorts of issues especially in new relationships and more so with newbies in new relationships...i had all of these expectations....things i thought were supposed to be, ways i thought i should be etc....and my expectations were in some sense a way of trying to keep some kind of control by forcing it into the box that i recognized instead of being happy with the box i found myself in

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