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lally3 -> that little/big word concensual (3/13/2008 6:43:17 AM)
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now this isnt absolutely formulated in my head, so might be jumbled (casts a wary eye at sailingbum.)
its something ive been thinking alot about recently and would like to air.
early twenties, fresh in london i met a guy - he'd obviously read about power exchange and D/s because i can recognise it now for what it was. then i had no clue. he didnt talk to me about it atall he just did it, but badly.
looking back i can honestly say it was very mild, but because i had no idea why he did the things he did, because they came out of the blue and without explanation - i ended up confused and resentful.
the word concensual is an enormous word in this lifestyle, without it, it becomes abuse.
in vanilla relationships the same. i did not give my consent to be raped, slapped or expected to respect the fact that monogomy was a dirty word. had i willingly agreed to these things i would have been a contented sub, instead i became confused and resentful.
now i know im yapping on to the already converted, but there have been alot of posts recently about negative responses to profiles. it seems these newbies think its ok to throw themselves out there but give little thought to what it is they want from the lifestyle.
a time will come when they will be talking to someone sensible and that is the time to build a concensual understanding - if they cant then they may well end up in a relationship that feels abusive.
having the 'catch all' mentality, where anything will go cos theyre a sub and thats how it must be is bollocks, dangerous bollocks.
if you want a healthy happy you, then its vital to work out what you can offer for definite and maybe find out the rest when youve found someone you trust.
be careful what you wish for.
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