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isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:30:32 PM   
Hiswifeon7707


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline 		i often wonder about the need to play with others in the lifestyle. is it traditional, very common for those who choose a bdsm relationship to crave experiences with other lifestylers?
is it likely a bdsm couple can thrive in isolation or is the need to share & push limits too great?
yes, i know everything is individual so please share your thoughts and/or experiences.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:39:15 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Casual play leaves me cold.  I'm a loveslut.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:43:21 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		If I'm in a relationship with someone I am completely monogamous with that person unless He wants to have a third join us on rare occasions. Someone we both know and trust.

When I am single, I have no problem playing with singles, couples whatever as long as I trust and respect them.

If its in the course of learning or experiencing something new that my Master has no knowledge of but wishes to learn, then being a bottom to someone else for the purpose of learning is to be expected. IMO

If there is something i really want to experience and my Master has no interested in it, it would be up to him if and with whom it could or would be experienced with if at all.


_____________________________

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:48:06 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I am bisexual so I enjoy playing with other women. We don't routinely play with others it is just once on a while thing for us. Otherwise we are monogamous with each other. If we play with others it is always together.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:49:27 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Casual play leaves me cold.  I'm a loveslut.


Amen.

While I might entertain the thought of another couple or a special individual joining me and my partner, I certainly don't play outside a romantic relationship, for me the play is about all those wonderful emotional things you share with a partner.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:51:28 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		For me I like to keep my sub to myself. What I do need is constant communication with others in the lifestyle. I am weird and I need a certain amount of support for my weirdness so in isolation... not sure how things would go.  One thing I do think however is that when it comes to bdsm there is a certain artistry to it. Its a difficult concept I think to get acrossed to woman sometimes. There is a distinct difference between wanting to fuck someone elses sub or take another sub as aposed to seeing another Masters handy work and swapping notes. I suppose it would be considered a form of objectification but for me when another Master is showing off his pride and joy I get into it and I get a kick out of it however there is a line I dont want to cross. I have found in life that people have problems with these lines as in I am expected to cross it and dont or have been told I want to cross it even though I dont. One of the big differences I think in Vanilla verses this is that I have found a lot of Masters have a genuine pride for the subs and in vanilla relationships I have never seen or felt that way. If I was given the option to go to see some famouse painting or twenty subs all tied up in a row ..... I would rather see the twenty subs all tied up in a row and although it may seem really disrespectful I would view these twenty subs as super woman as in they are extrodinary individuals for becoming their Masters pride.

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 1:54:28 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I prefered casual monogamous relationships when I was searching.  Is there such a thing???   When I was with one person I played only with that person.  Never felt the need to bring in any others.  Ok..maybe throw a few extra men into the mix. 
This is sexual to me.  I like to keep it private.

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:03:42 PM   
OnlyMels


Posts: 115
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		I'm usually very private anything sexual stays behind the bedroom door for me so playing with others would probably just scar me for life. I've had a girl girl threesome and me and 2 guys threesome  and I will always regreat it. but thats just me. I only say this so I don't get the how do you know if you don't try saying.

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:07:08 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We're monogamous and private. No one else needs witness our sex life. As far as friends and family, they judge our relationship on it's own merits. They see that we are still respectful and caring of each other five years in, that we don't make snide comments about the other, that we aren't often irritated at each other. Do I need to tell them why? Certainly not. They see how we are together, and can judge for themselves if we have a good relationship.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:07:29 PM   
Hiswifeon7707


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline 		FRSguy, thank you for your insightful remarks.
as a sub, i never thought of it from your prespective. you have helped me to understand my husband better, thank you!

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:09:04 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		I was raised in a household where both parents had outside, emotional relationships. They were vanilla, but open. I find I am more of a serial monogamist.
 
Although I have no issue at all with bringing a third in for play (bdsm or sexual), I find the emotional tie I have with my One to be more than satisfying to fulfill that need.
 
There is a reason Master is more comfortable with the term WIITWD, rather than BDSM (or variant thereof). Every couple (or triple, etc) has to define the parameters of their own relationship(s). And be strong enough to not bend to any perceived "shoulds".
 
We do not judge. If it works for you- more power to you and blessings.

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Member:
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(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:26:58 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hiswifeon7707

i often wonder about the need to play with others in the lifestyle. is it traditional, very common for those who choose a bdsm relationship to crave experiences with other lifestylers?
is it likely a bdsm couple can thrive in isolation or is the need to share & push limits too great?
yes, i know everything is individual so please share your thoughts and/or experiences.


For some, playing with others may be routine, but I have always preferred keeping what is mine and choosing third (or fourth or fifth, etc.) parties very carefully. One's participation in an alternative lifestyle does not grant them a free pass from me. I'm weary of those who traffic themselves around too much, in fact. "Experience in the lifestyle" doesn't impress me much. Having the right mindset does.

(in reply to Hiswifeon7707)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:32:52 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Honestly i have not found anything to be truly "traditional" around here.   i myself enjoy casual play when i am single, keeps me from either climbing the walls, or being so blinded by my desires that i make poor choices in partners.  i am referring to pain and sensation play here, not sexual play, even though i orgasm from such play it does not touch me inside at all, other than getting some release with friends. 

When i am in a relationship if He desires to still go enjoy public play parties, and wishes for us to play with others i am fine with that.   i can seperate that type of play from more deeply felt and intimate play with my partner.  No casual play can touch my inner self the way my partner can.

Hope my ramblings made a tiny bit of sense here... i am running low on energy and caffeine this afternoon.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to Hiswifeon7707)
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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 2:56:42 PM   
EponasChylde


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/31/2007
Status: offline 		I'm monogamous and private (except for an occasional 3 some on a very special occasion.) No interest in messing with casual strangers.

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*aka geekygirl*

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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 3:53:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hiswifeon7707
i often wonder about the need to play with others in the lifestyle. is it traditional, very common for those who choose a bdsm relationship to crave experiences with other lifestylers?

It's common for humans to connect with other humans.

And it's common for any human to want to find lots MORE humans to connect with and form a lasting social community with.
quote:


is it likely a bdsm couple can thrive in isolation or is the need to share & push limits too great?

Oh no, many couples thrive in isolation.  I'd probably be just fine with it if I had to- I enjoy parties mostly for the play equipment.  I enjoy the occasional spark of chemistry and new skill I can learn, but that's pretty rare.


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RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 5:06:48 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie

Honestly i have not found anything to be truly "traditional" around here.   i myself enjoy casual play when i am single, keeps me from either climbing the walls, or being so blinded by my desires that i make poor choices in partners.  i am referring to pain and sensation play here, not sexual play, even though i orgasm from such play it does not touch me inside at all, other than getting some release with friends. 

When i am in a relationship if He desires to still go enjoy public play parties, and wishes for us to play with others i am fine with that.   i can seperate that type of play from more deeply felt and intimate play with my partner.  No casual play can touch my inner self the way my partner can.

Hope my ramblings made a tiny bit of sense here... i am running low on energy and caffeine this afternoon.


Made sense to me, gorgeous :)


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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 5:09:16 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		Sure, my boy and I very much love having other like-minded people around us... but not for sex or anything like that.  More for the opportunity to converse and carry on without having to worry about concealing that kinky part of us or offending anyone.

And I do admit that on a personal level, I get a certain thrill out of making him model or perform for other people, as long as I'm there to issue commands and keep an eye on the situation.  Then again, he IS an exhibitionist... so he loves it too!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 5:12:13 PM   
Hiswifeon7707


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline 		sweetwenchie, thank you for your thoughtful response. i very much related to your words, well put.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 5:18:17 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I love social interaction with others I love watching others. however WE are selective about whether to include others. There needs to be a great deal of trust and then as to whether the play is purely sensation/ impact or whether it would be sexual would be decided after that.


Although I must at this point in my relationship I cant imagine playing with another sexually but down the track it may happen.

When I am single I am happy to play the field so to speak


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: isolated bdsm - 3/11/2008 5:22:43 PM   
Paulsgirl


Posts: 249
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hiswifeon7707

i often wonder about the need to play with others in the lifestyle. is it traditional, very common for those who choose a bdsm relationship to crave experiences with other lifestylers?
is it likely a bdsm couple can thrive in isolation or is the need to share & push limits too great?
yes, i know everything is individual so please share your thoughts and/or experiences.

i've always been a slut. i've tried, even in vanillalife to be monogamous. When i got collared i knew i was going to get my karma. i did. i am assigned to find others for us to play with. master simply gives me that task. i wreckon it has;
1. given me a sense of freedom
2. made me feel a great deal more secure because in a sense i am the one choosing whom W/we play with
3. gives my Master kudos (His words)
4. fulfils my bisexuality
5. stops me cheating as there is no need
6. turns my insecurity into a sense of achievement
The only thing i stipulate as one of my limits is that i only do safe sex in the sense of no exchange of body fluids except with my Master
W/we are both poly and playing like this will get us through until we find a serious FFM


_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx

~There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.~
Anais Nin

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Profile   Post #: 20
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